There’s been a lot of rumbling in the news in the first quarter of 2021. From attacks on Asian Americans to women not feeling safe on the streets. For millennia, there’s been an imbalance of power between men and women in numerous societies. Looking around, it’s clear that gender roles are as stark as they are now as they were nearly a hundred years ago. True, some headway has been made but if you look at the words people use, there’s still an incredible disparity. And to denounce a person’s lived experience because of their ‘bias’ or retweeting the hashtag ‘Not All Men’ negates the stories people are trying to tell and bring to the fore. This is not something that can be swept under the rug. There is a reason people are now coming to the fore with stories after suffering through years and years of shame, self-recrimination and anger.

Growing up, I’ve always wanted to fight against gender stereotypes. After all, I never quite fitted the mould of what a ‘girl’ should be. Later in life, after watching copious amounts of films and dipping into several guilty pleasure shows, it’s been empowering to see different portrayals of women. But what was also alarming were how so many words used in everyday language had far more negative connotations than their male counterparts.

Look at any marriage certificate, and for the sake of argument, let’s use the ones from the United Kingdom, a single man is called a bachelor. A single woman, a spinster. The problem with spinster is that the term is also often used to reference an older woman beyond the usual age of marriage. As if being older suddenly makes you a non-contender and you’ll wither away and die, forever alone (or surrounded by forty cats). 

Then, of course, there’s the word that’s often bandied about for promiscuous women. Slut. It’s a label that’s often used to shame a woman for her lascivious proclivities. Whereas a man, known to have many partners is often celebrated. Stud, he is often called. And the people that he has been with are considered ‘conquests.’ Though the double standards in society have been challenged, it’s still very much part of everyday vernacular. It takes times for attitudes to shift.

In fact, it took many years before sexual assault in marriage was recognised. Even here in Australia. It was not until 1994 that all states and territories criminalised marital rape. How crazy is that?

It is because of this that women are still blamed when sexual assault happens. It is why many change their behaviours just to avoid the attention of predatory men on the prowl. Long skirts or pants. Keys in their fists. Asking their friends to call or text when they get home. Crossing the road because they’re being followed by a man in a hood.

Though I might not have personally experienced anything, these are all things at the forefront of my mind. It is why I don’t feel comfortable taking public transport late at night – preferring to drive. Stories of women being drugged at night clubs meant that I always carried my own separate water bottle and never lost sight of it.

But should this always be the case? Why do women have to be hyper vigilant about the way they act and what they wear when it’s the behaviour of men that needs to change? No means no. Silence does not mean yes. And if she sprays you with mace, you’ve probably done something very, very wrong.

It is time for people to recognise that the problem does not lie with women. It is time for people to recognise that there in inequality in the world and fix it. It is time for people to educate and be educated.

Stories such as those in Netflix’s mini series Unbelievable are important lessons that should not be ignored as an inconvenient truth. It highlights many of the barriers of those trying to report an offence and is also great at showing why many can be reluctant to come forward. The shock, the shame, the strange way memory can work after a traumatic event…

As someone that did a group project in my final year at university about sexual consent among university students, it is disheartening to see that not much has changed in the last seven years. Recognising when someone does not feel comfortable, being the bigger person by stopping and asking if they wish to continue, and properly listening to someone rather than taking heed of only your own desires are things that need to be taught when we’re in high school and experimenting. It isn’t something that should be swept aside in favour of other subjects that are deemed more important. Nor is it something that can be replaced with a phone app. The suggestion that consent should be registered on an app is baffling because saying yes initially does not mean a person consents to the whole ordeal. It comes in stages and anyone engaged in certain activities should know to ask for it at each step.

This is a life skill. And we are failing our children by not engaging with students and changing the curriculum.

Consent is an important part of our daily lives and it also extends to our private lives as well. Women are not property. They never have been and never will. 

Brittany Higgins. Sarah Everard. These are all important names to remember. Why? Because if society doesn’t put much stock in sexual assault against women, will they even blink an eye when a man comes forward?

And if we can’t accept women as athletes or working in construction or in engineering or in STEM fields, then how can we accept that men, too, can be nurses or primary school teachers or stay-at-home fathers? There’s a lot that needs to be addressed within society. In particular, the traditional roles within the household or the fact that people find it strange that a man might decide to take on his wife’s surname instead of keeping his own. 

(As an aside, I’m all for a man taking up my last name if they were up for it. Even if they weren’t, I’d like to hope that they’d be open-minded if I decide to keep my own surname).

The injustices women have gone through, and continue to endure, do not stop there. The glass ceiling is still very much a thing. Women in power are often stymied from progression. The song “Ladyboss” is a great example of the struggles many go through – and the anxieties that come to even trailblazers in the field. Worse, we’re also expected to do most of the household chores even if we earn more than our male partners.

For too long, society has stagnated to recognising women and giving women credit. Just because certain jobs have quotas does not mean that the woman is less knowledgeable or less qualified than their male counterparts. It simply gives them a leg up when they did not have one before in a male-dominated field. Yes, you might complain and gripe about jobs being taken away from you, but these are people that never thought they’d ever get their foot in the door and decided to take a risk. And it’s something society needs to recognise. Just like healers and tanks can cut the line in a group finder, diversity hires need it too.

Now is the time to listen to all the grievances aired by so many parties and address them. On a more personal note, I also think that now is the time to elect Henry Crabgrass as our one true consenting overlord.