An Introspective Lull in the Pursuit of Love

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

I have often found that it is quite easy for me to fall into new routines. Take this blog, for example. In the past, it would contain impressions of the games I’d played and finished, along with the occasional anecdotes I’d come up with that had been on my mind. As I started to date, many of my posts soon changed to revolve around my attempts to find love. But despite going at it for nigh on two years, I haven’t felt closer to cracking the mystery that is romance even as I’ve flooded my weekly entries about my adventures.

As my love life dwindles though, I’ve been scrambling to find something fun and lighthearted to share with the dear readers I’ve accrued on my blog. Not that there’s many.

Still, at least I now have the opportunity to opine about the state of the world or properly allow my errant thoughts some breathing room.

Of course, if you’ve read the title of this blog, you’ll know that in this instance, my thoughts haven’t strayed too far from the familiar.

Since I’ve started chronicling the dates I’ve gone on, it has come as no surprise that I don’t regard myself as straight. There have been many a time wherein I’ve asserted that I sit somewhere on the asexual spectrum. But recent revelations on who I might be attracted to has had me scrambling on what it means to be in a relationship and the sacrifices one needs to make.

Although I’ve opened my preferences for all genders on Hinge, I’ve found it extremely hard to date or chat with people from unique backgrounds. Invariably, most of the people that tend to like my profile or who I actually respond are cisgender heterosexual men. Probably because they’re the ones most active on the dating apps. And while conversations can start off strong, it almost always seems to fail. Whether it’s because they’re a bad texter and I find it hard to continue a conversation or they just stop responding altogether.

The only person I’ve kept up a steady communication with is Dikottir. And in fact, we might be venturing out to VIVID Sydney for a fifth date (at time of writing, VIVID has only just begun). But while this may seem promising, it comes with the caveat that we’ve technically met in person since August 2023, with our initial chat on Hinge back in July of that same year.

If ever there was a relationship that was the epitome of a slow burn, this would be it.

Perhaps it comes from the fact both of us have our own individual lives and interests. Or maybe neither of us know how to navigate the quagmire encapsulating relationships.

I know I certainly don’t lead a very riveting life that requires constant chronicling/ updating to a third party I barely even know. Heck, not even my own mother asks me how my day has gone even after absconding to China and leaving me to care for my grandmother (although, if I’m being honest, there’s not much to say on a daily basis anyways. I wake up, I work, I cook and then I go to bed after playing some video games).

Besides, it’s not like I consider Dikottir my Roman Empire. There are just so many other things to preoccupy me: books, video games, shows, road trip planning…

To be fair, Dikottir has been nothing but a gentleman. But after years of having romance novels and films harp about a ‘spark’ or the ‘chemistry’ between two people, the word I’d use to describe my ‘relationship’ with Dikottir would be torpid. At best.

Still, I persist. Wondering if this ‘thing’ between us will ever work out. Although, if I was being truly honest with myself, I think it’ll just end up being a friendship.

Hinge, and many other dating apps, simply aren’t very conducive for me in building up a connection. Constant interactions in a shared environment or a neutral setting are some of the best places for me to slowly build up the foundation to a strong friendship.

And yet, there have been people I’ve met that I’ve felt an odd compulsive pull where I want to learn more about them. Alas, it’s only happened with women. As I’ve detailed before in an earlier post, there have been women I’ve been drawn to, believing we could be the best of friends. Is that love? Or is it the makings of a crush?

I wish I knew. I wish there was a definitive definition of what it means to fall in love with someone so I could tick off the symptoms and diagnose myself with it instead of having people tell me: “you’ll know it when it happens to you.”

A part of me does want to believe this is me like-liking someone but discussions with Sorrengail, a fellow ace, has described these instances of obsession as a ‘squish.’ And, in almost all instances, my swift and sudden obsessive curiosity does fade.

But it is in those rare moments that I do wonder if there might be something more beyond the platonic.

These last few days, I’ve posited the theory to myself that maybe I’m questioning these ‘squishes’ as something more because my mind has been focused on trying to build relationships and finding a romantic partner. But the more I do, the more I fear what might become of an actual committed relationship.

How much of myself will I need to compromise? Will it have all been a waste of time if nothing eventuates? How do I know if someone likes me or not? What are the ‘signals’ that I should be looking out for?

I think for most people the start of a relationship is always fraught with a mixture of emotions: the desire to make a good impression and the fear the other person might not like the ‘real’ you. Especially if you immediately lean into the chaos gremlin dwelling inside the human exoskeleton.

It’s certainly something I’ve thought about because even as a neurotypical person, I’ve often found myself portraying a heightened version of myself to different social circles. For example, I know I can’t go into a deep dive about Kingdom Hearts lore at work because no-one else would appreciate the collision of Disney and Japanese role-playing games. And I don’t talk about the books I read to many of my non-reader friends.

While these aren’t exactly separate personas, these images of me that I project are tailored to the audience I’m with.

Yes, they are all me but they are me in different situations.

And there aren’t many social circles where I feel comfortable enough to unleash the nose-booping, terrible picture-taking chaos gremlin menace that I really am on the inside. At least, I’m not comfortable with showing off that side of me.

Although, yes, there are people at work who know I’m a big massive nerd. And who are a little frightened of my ability to memorise addresses.

I also have a tendency of phrasing things terribly. So, there might be a subset of people I know who fear for their lives (looking at you Chinchilla) even though I wouldn’t hurt a fly (that’s a lie. I kill a lot of insects).

Jokes aside, I’m also worried I’ve entered this race for all the wrong reasons. Love isn’t something to be pursued. You can’t force it. It either comes naturally or it doesn’t. But maybe, too, I need to stop being oh so cautious and just jump in with both feet if I do feel something.

As Ellie Chu, from the film The Half of It put it: love isn’t patient and kind and humble. Love is messy and horrible and selfish and bold. It’s not finding your perfect half. It’s the trying and the reaching and failing. Love is being willing to ruin your good painting for the chance at a great one.”

Maybe that’s what I need to do. Instead of comparing and contrasting Hinge profiles to see who might be a good fit and letting my executive functioning do most of the work, I should lean into my instincts. Instead of fearing that a relationship won’t work out, I need to fight in the trenches for it.

And whether or not love will hit me over the head with a hammer or sneak up on me like an assassin, I need to be open to it.

Easier said than done!

But hey, that’s life, isn’t it?

Ascending Mount Qaf

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

Prince of Persia is a franchise I have faithfully followed since childhood. While I was predominantly occupied by Kingdom Hearts and enjoyed many of Sony’s mascot games including Jak and Daxter, Ratchet and Clank, and Sly Cooper, there was something about Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time that immediately captured my interest. Although I didn’t begin playing it from the start, as soon as I got Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones on my PlayStation Portable, I was sucked in. Especially given how athletic the Prince was as he darted in and around against his foes, absorbing the sand from his enemies and having access to time powers. These concepts blew little Kyndaris’s mind. And if Blinx had ever come to PlayStation, I would have gobbled up those games just as readily with all the others.

Since The Two Thrones, titles for the Prince of Persia has been few and far between, with only a reboot game and then the Forgotten Sands entry. After all, when Assassin’s Creed and Far Cry can make Ubisoft buttloads of money, there’s no need to introduce a competitor to your primary money-making machine.

All that changed with the shock announcement of the Sands of Time remake. Unfortunately, the title has been delayed. Perhaps indefinitely. To ameliorate the discontent of gamer’s everywhere, we were bequeathed Prince of Persia: The Lost Crown instead.

This game, unlike the 3D titles that captured the hearts and minds of many, is a metroidvania-style game where you are thrust into the shoes of Sargon, a member of the Immortals. After the prince is kidnapped, Sargon and the Immortals set out to rescue him on the mythical Mount Qaf and find themselves trapped in a place where time no longer flows as it once did.

Along the way, Sargon unlocks special abilities by collecting Simurgh feathers and faces off against alternate versions of himself. About a third of the way through the game, Sargon catches up to Anahita and the Prince, only for the leader of the Immortals, Vahram, to murder the prince and throws Sargon from a cliff. After surviving the fall, Sargon seeks a way to go back in time to stop Vahram.

Although Sargon is successful, he loses Anahita in the process. As he battles against Vahram, he learned the leader of the Immortals is the long lost son of King Darius, the previous king of Persia who was assassinated by Thomyris. Despite this slight, Vahram does not seek the throne. Rather, he hopes to ascend to godhood and remake the world in his vision.

The rest of the game sees Sargon seek to stop the mad Vahram. It all culminates in a battle atop Mount Qaf, harkening a little to almost every single Japanese role-playing game where the last boss is always a God, or someone who tries to claim such powers. By game’s end, I did wonder if I had somehow stumbled into a Tales of or Final Fantasy title.

Of course, Vahram’s redesign as Time and Space (a terrible name for a God. Perhaps try Bhunivelze? ? Maybe throw in a full Latin choir to chat throughout the entirety of the boss battle just for kicks) was a little lacklustre in my opinion.

Perhaps it’s how often I’ve seen such stories play out that I was hoping for a little more spectacle.

That’s not to mention all the plot holes scattered throughout the game, like how did young Vahram initially escape Mount Qaf in the first place to found the Immortals. If he was trapped on Mount Qaf (and players do see versions of him throughout the main story – with Sargon even helping him), why is there another version of him who is too far gone? And where did the alternate Sargons come from? When I first stumbled upon them, I was a little confused as to how they came into being. Perhaps if there had been more exposition on these phenomena, it would have made more sense.

Then there is the fact that Sargon went back in time to save Prince Ghassan. However, Menolias and Orod are apparently still dead.

Not to mention the prophecy of Mount Qaf which alludes to three Princes rather than two. And the way Thomyris allows her son, Prince Ghassan, to walk away from the throne but was more distressed when Sargon, too, left after the revelation she had usurped the throne from King Darius.

These aside, my main gripe with The Lost Crown is the tight timing when it came to parrying attacks and the punishing extra damage. Throughout most of the game, I relied more on dodging instead of relying on parries although the game does encourage such use through the amulets Sargon can equip for use.

Maybe it was simply a matter of me learning enemy patterns but I simply did not have the patience, given how risky it was.

Notably, as well, was the platforming. True, I should probably try and start to ‘get good’ but it’s frustrating when Sargon has so many abilities and one needs to keep all of them in mind as he jumps and backflips his way through, while also crisscrossing into the unseen world to navigate his way through the Citadel. Especially given where these abilities are mapped to.

Like, I know what I’m supposed to do, but my over 30 reflexes no longer work as intended. That, or I mispress something and do something that ruins my entire run although I was just a platform away from being on safe ground.

Very frustrating.

Nobody wants to waste forty minutes trying to desperately get a King Xerxes coin. Still, it’s a learning experience. And every failure is a step forward…

…is what I would say if it wasn’t so rage-inducing.

This is exactly why I don’t play Soulsborne games for fear that I’ll always be so close to victory but have it snatched from me in the last moment.

And I simply don’t have the time to keep retrying and retrying.

Well, maybe I do, but the perfectionist in me would have me throwing myself at the problem until the wee hours of the morning if I can’t get it, and it still wouldn’t be satisfied even if I did pull it off. There is no dopamine rush. Only stress and adrenaline that leaves me shaking.

Anyways, I can still see why gamers would still enjoy The Lost Crown. And it is a great game that has been fine-tuned for those with the skills necessary to take out all the challenges the developers have concocted. While it did prove a little frustrating to me in the later stages, the game does also include accessibility options for the main path that didn’t detract from the game. In the end, it allowed me to see the end of the game and play it as I liked. Without knowing where the next Prince of Persia entry will land, The Lost Crown is still a worthy game to keep gamers busy.

More importantly, it’s not another open-world entry with towers to synchronise with.

Goodness, the fatigue is real and is one of the main reasons I skipped out on Avatar: Frontiers of Pandora. That and I never did fall in love with James Cameron’s alien world.

Tosa Calling

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

Although I know it’s been a year since Like a Dragon: Ishin! released, it wasn’t until I came back from my trip to Japan that I managed to find some time to sink into the hefty title. I know, I know. It’s shameful! But in my defence, last year I was swamped with games. And lengthy ones to boot!

I mean, given the evidence, I think, dear readers, it would not be wrong for me to ask that y’all give a gal a break. Especially because playing video games and writing up my impressions of them is a hobby. And having a full-time job does not make playing games, reading books and writing stories any easier. Throw in the FOMO from watching whatever is popular on streaming and also socialising with real-life people, I think the fact I manage to get through games at such a steady clip is a commendable exercise.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. Or, at controller, if you’ll pardon the terrible attempt at wordplay.

Unlike the Yakuza games that came before it, Like a Dragon: Ishin! is a game set in the mid-1800s as Japan grappled with foreign diplomatic and military pressure to change. And instead of stepping into the shoes of Kiryu Kazuma, players are thrust into the shoes of one Sakamoto Ryoma – a real-life historical figure who advocated for democracy, return of power to the Imperial Court, abolition of feudalism and the modernisation of Japan during the Bakumatsu period.

Of course, Like a Dragon: Ishin! does take a more fanciful approach to their interpretation of history as they have Ryoma playing double-duty with another real-life historical figure: Saito Hajime – Captain of the Shinsengumi’s 3rd Division.

But, hey, what’s a bit of artistic licence to give us some excellent blockbuster action scenes and build up a conspiracy about the Tosa loyalist party and the best interests of the budding nation of Japan? Why not even throw in a fight with Scottish merchant Thomas Glover too (which was passingly strange for me to deal with considering I visited Glover Garden while I was in Nagasaki while in Japan and failed to find nary a mention of how the man duked it out with Ryoma with a set of twin pistols)?

As always, Ryu Ga Gotoku Studio keeps the main story dramatic and relatively grounded with Ryoma on a quest for revenge when his adoptive father Yoshida Toyo is assassinated. The majority of the game then takes place in Kyo (the modern day equivalent being Kyoto) as Ryoma tries to hunt down the man responsible. He does so by deducing the style of swordplay and looking for dojos who teach Tennen Rishin.

It isn’t long before he is informed that the Tennen-Rishi is practiced by the Shinsengumi. Ryoma soon joins the organisation, hoping to whittle down who among the captains was the killer.

Along the way, he must deal with a second ‘Sakamoto Ryoma’ who is trading with guns and other weapons to the Satsuma Domain and hatch a civil war in Japan in order to take out the Shogunate that had reined for nigh on 300 years. It later turns out that this second ‘Sakamoto Ryoma’ is his brother and leader of the Tosa Loyalist Party: Takechi Hanpeita (another real-life historical figure).

While the game does incorporate actual historical events such as the Ikedaya incident and the assassination of Sakamoto Ryoma at Omiya Inn, it does certainly take quite a few liberties of the actual events. Like how the person assassinated at Omiya Inn was just a stand-in and both the actual Ryoma and his brother Takechi survived for a final battle back in Tosa as they engage in battle due to competing ideologies.

From a gameplay perspective, Ishin! only really incorporates one of the fighting styles from the Yakuza games. This, being of course, the brawler style. As Ryoma is a samurai, he also had a swordsman style (my default one that I used for most of the game) and mixed it up with the occasional use of a revolver. While these all had a variety of different abilities, I found myself focusing on swordsman and wild dance throughout most of my playthrough as they easily ripped through the fodder you faced on the streets and were mighty effective against bosses as well.

Unlike the other games, Ishin! also introduced the concept of troopers. This boosted Ryoma’s health and granted him additional abilities that could be triggered in the midst of battle, such as triggering additional damage or conjuring a gravity well to draw all the enemies to one part of the battle arena.

This helped mix-up the combat, especially after hours of using the same moves and combos throughout the game.

Boss battles, too, forced me to vary my strategy. Rather than brute forcing my way through most enemies, I’d often have to play more defensively – seeking to use my stronger attacks only when necessary and throwing in the occasional heat action to give Ryoma some breathing space.

But while the story and the combat are worthy of praise, it was the side content in Ishin! that stole my heart. I loved all the wacky stories Ryoma somehow got suckered into. As is RGG tradition, there are also numerous minigames such as singing and buyo dancing. True, it didn’t have a crane minigame but it DID allow me to play rock, paper, scissors with a geisha.

And my gosh, I have never been so glad my mother doesn’t often see what I’m playing when I first went through the song: Truehearted Samurai. Initially, I was confused there were live-action actors. Then, I was bewildered when they started acting flirtatious even as I was trying to nail most of the notes for the very fast-paced song.

To be fair, the Sensual Healing portion of the geisha interactions also earned a raised eyebrow from me.

As for buyo dancing, it was probably the most tame of the mini-games (at least when it came to salacious material), but it was difficult to master. I’m no slouch when it comes to rhythm games and I very much enjoyed the dancing mini-games in Yakuza 5 and Lost Judgment but Ishin! was a different beast entirely with how it implemented its controls.

Overall though, Ishin! is a must-play for Yakuza fans. Though its replaced the shady crime drama with an historical period plot, it still retains the heart and soul of the Yakuza games. Especially because many of the character models have been reused, like Kiryu Kazuma acting as both Sakamoto Ryoma and Saito Hajime. Then there’s Goro Majima as Okita Soji and Taiga Saejima as Nagakura Shinpachi.

Oft times, I had to ask myself if I wasn’t just playing another Yakuza game with just a historical skin on top.

True, maybe I should have instead dived into Rise of the Ronin (I will play this game eventually as I’ve actually bought it), but Ishin! took precedence. Besides, it’s not every day that one gets to play as THE Sakamoto Ryoma.

For anyone who might say otherwise, I’ll shall simply retort with: ee ja nai ka.

Fourth Time’s the Charm?

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

Dating, as many people know, is hard. There have been many a person I’ve chatted to on Hinge where the conversations stalls before the first date. Other times, it’s at the very first meeting where I know me and the potential future life partner won’t be compatible. And, on the odd occasion, it’s the second date where it all falls apart. But what blows my mind is that I can count on one hand how many have reached the third date before calling it quits and ghosting me on whichever app we’re chatting on. Clearly, I’m not someone who is easy to date. Which is…fair.

But with Dikottir, we’ve managed to reach the elusive ‘fourth’ date. Although, I do find it hard to classify it as a date. Primarily because I only arranged for a meet-up so I could offload souvenirs I’d purchased for Dikottir while overseas.

For context, during my trip to South Korea and Japan, Dikottir and I had remained chatting in the vague sense I’d told him of some of my adventures (a little tit for tat as he’s often just sent me dog photos). While I was in Nagasaki, he mentioned that castellas were a much prized treat and that I ought to try one.

Which, of course I did (one point I’d like to emphasise here though, is that bleachpanda and I did try a castella even before Dikottir mentioned it).

As I was sightseeing across the city, bleachpanda and I would often stumble upon many a souvenir shop selling all types of merchandise. Many featured Nagasaki’s unique food, such as the aforementioned castella, but there were also champon noodles and pork belly buns, as acrylic charms or as figurines.

So, given where our conversation had led, I, of course, picked up two charms I thought Dikottir might appreciate.

The minor offering was later augmented with a Hufflepuff keyring. Why Hufflepuff you may ask? Well, in Dikottir’s own words he was a proud badger who loves food. And given Hufflepuff is located right next to the kitchens, he was all in to giving the oft overlooked Hogwarts House some much needed love.

Anyways, the two of us arranged for a meetup at a dessert bar in the suburb of Zetland where I could hand off the charms I got him and then be off on my merry way for the rest of the day. Sure, we’d eat a cake and maybe get a drink but this wasn’t supposed to be a long engagement like my previous dates with Dikottir.

This time round though, Dikottir was the first to arrive. As I rocked up to the cosy cafe, I noted Dikottir on his phone, waiting outside. With a quick greeting, we headed inside to make our orders and sit around eating cake.

And it was a good catch-up.

As always, we chatted about things in our lives and the current issues plaguing society. You know, the deep meaningful conversations one might have with people you might still don’t know super well but are slowly acclimatising oneself to as time goes on.

It’s certainly better than being talked at about some niche aspect of a popular video game (which, don’t get me wrong, I love video games. A majority of my posts are about the video games I play but when people start bending my ear for a month about what they did in the multiplayer for Mass Effect 3 and how they’d ripped the geth to shreds in very intricate detail, my attention does begin to wander).

Dikottir and I talked and ate cake until about 1 PM. But when I thought we would be parting ways, Dikottir surprised me by suggesting lunch at The Cannery, a local place that was just a ten minute walk away in the suburb of Rosebery.

Since I didn’t have anything too pressing, given this was the weekend after the Easter long weekend (and I’d come from a roadtrip with the family up to Port Macquarie to visit a family friend), I had plenty of time on my hands. So, off we went, although our conversation slowly turned towards mental health and the people we happened to encounter in our lives struggling with their grasp on reality. His was a friend and ex-coworker while mine was an old high school friend I no longer associated with.

Whereas Dikottir’s example had held ideas of grandiosity where they would move to the United States and their life would be rosy, mine is still struggling with self-induced psychosis (possibly an exaggeration on my part but every time I’ve been updated on their status, it seems they fall further down the rabbit hole). But in the end, the two of us agreed that there was no point in throwing ourselves in the figurative fire to try and rescue those threatening to self-destruct because of their maladaptive beliefs/ thought processes. Something that was reiterated to me by someone who works at a mental health clinic when I divulged a little of the details of my mentally ill ex-friend.

Do I sometimes feel guilty for stepping away?

Yes.

But even before they’d fully gone off the deep-end, I’d slowly started to resent them for not contributing enough to our house hunting needs and failing to offer any help as I did most of the work.

Our dynamic, unfortunately, didn’t work. And I had always felt uncomfortable in how they’d previously put me on a pedestal. As if I was someone who could do no wrong. Even as I was struggling with my own familial relationships at the time!

Anyways, that’s not something I want to go into just yet. If you want to read about the fallout in our friendship from a semi-vague viewpoint, look out for my posts in 2022.

After our grim discussion, Dikottir and I arrived at the Cannery. Given that it was lunch time, we had a quick look at the Saturday stalls and the goods they had on offer. Once we had looked through everything once, Dikottir and I stopped at Frenchies Bistro and Brewery where I got a prawn and lobster roll while Dikottir was satisfied with his plate of tortellini.

Some might consider it strange to have lunch right after chowing down on dessert, but it worked for us. Plus, the ambiance was nice, the company was great and there was no pressing need to hurry back home.

All in all, it was a much more relaxed date that I shared with Dikottir this fourth time round. Whether or not it will eventually lead to anything is still up in the air.

Dikottir is a nice enough fellow who has some very funny stories. And he’s not so hyperfixated on only one topic. And much like Shrek, who came before him, he knows how to converse instead of making it completely one-sided. Plus, he also has a good job and hasn’t shown me any red flags of an explosive temper that could lead to physical violence.

So, if we are talking about actual potential future partner prospects, Dikottir is one of the strongest contenders for my affections I’ve met. And we’re still chatting!

And yet, I don’t think I feel anything beyond possible friendship?

Dating as an asexual (who might be a closeted lesbian although my date with Eivor didn’t see me catching feels, so maybe I truly am ace/ aro) is hard. I don’t understand the lust most people have. And while I do get obsessive squishes (something Sorrengail – and fellow ace – mentioned once to me), I don’t know if my brief bout of wanting to know more about a person will actually lead to romantic love like ‘holding hands’ and the much dreaded ‘kissing.’ On the other hand, since I’m trying to ‘date,’ many of these more natural things people just end up doing is on my mind and I wonder if my dates will actually try to hold my hand, etc. and how I’d react if they did.

While I don’t think I would reject Dikottir if he did ask to hold my hand, I am somewhat touch averse. Something I made clear when Dikottir escorted me back to the train station and we said our goodbyes.

To be fair, Dikottir did ask if he could give me a hug and I did warn him I’m very bad at hugs, but he didn’t seem to mind.

So maybe there’s hope?

I certainly didn’t ‘get the creeps’ after returning his hug.

Anyways, the future remains unwritten for the dating life of Kyndaris. Time will tell if I’ll ever end up with anyone or if I’ll just become a single mum seeking a sperm donation because the idea of having a kid is not instantly repulsive to me.

But suffering through childbirth does kinda terrify me. Especially when I’ve read horror stories about all the things that could go wrong.

Toymaker

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

I am very proud to say I’ve finished writing ANOTHER novel length story! Hip hip hooray!

Will it ever get published by an actual publisher and be available for purchase? Goodness knows! I don’t have the courage to get rejected a hundred times. And from what I’ve been hearing about the scandals in the book community, maybe it’s all for the best.

I mean, it sounds like a full-time job to fake several social media accounts and drag other struggling artists down. But hey, might be more fun than working a 9-5 job and doing some writing on the side, whilst juggling all my other hobbies like video games and keeping up with pop culture shows.

Anyways, here’s a snippet of the prologue for my new story: Toymaker. Please note, it’s a sequel to Wild Child. If you want to read the stories in full, please visit my fictionpress: scattered.wind or my Wattpad: kyndaris.

Prologue

Two days had passed and still there was no sign of the mysterious woman, or her companion, that had thrust the babe in his arms. Had they been hurt? Possibly killed? It was impossible to say. Lacet dared not ponder the third possibility. For someone who grown up as he had, it was unthinkable. What kind of monsters would abandon their only child?

Yet, each time he had tried to return to Wyndhaven to seek additional information about Merrine, the bedraggled woman with a desperate look in h er eyes, a strange compulsion had settled upon him and Lacet had found himself marching back out past the gates of the capital. No matter how hard he tried, he could not enter the capital for long.

If it was a spell, he did not know it. At the Academy, there had been talk amongst scholarly circles of a new untapped field of magic. One that had been centred on the mind and the electrical impulses which powered all living things. It had been an elective. And like so many subjects at the Academy, it had not interested him much, focused as he was solely on passing the mandatory courses he already. What spare time he had, Lacet had poured into reading up on what few scholarly papers there were on golems and tinkering with his own clockwork projects.

Lacet raised the mug of the inn’s cheapest ale to his lips and took a sip, his mind turned once again to the child he had been unceremoniously saddled with. What was he to do with her?

Given his funds, he would not be able to stay in this inn near Wyndhaven for much longer. The pittance he had received upon graduating from the Academy would not last him long with another mouth to feed. And he needed every coin he could get if he hoped to become the foremost scholar on golemetry. Opening up an apothecary shop was just the beginning.

And yet, he could not simply abandon the girl either. Lacet knew what it was like to have no-one to care for him. Fortune had smiled upon both him and Marus when the matron had decided to take them both in. Maybe he could bring the child back to the orphanage before setting off. At the very least, she would have a safe haven from the harsh realities of the street.

It wouldn’t be the best life, but it was better than nothing. And if he found some success, he could funnel some money back to her and the orphanage.

Draining the rest of his ale, he stood from the table. He could not keep dithering like this.

It was time to make a decision. One way or the other.

The longer he tarried, the more his plans for the future crumbled into dust. And that was not something he could afford. Not when so many things hung in the balance.

Still, there was a possibility even now Merrine was looking for her child. Not for the first time, Lacet wondered if he ought to have set up watch at one of the other gates coming in and out of the city.

At the time, discretion had seemed the better part of valour. Whoever the robed figure had been, they had promised trouble. Not even a ball of boiling plasma had done much against them. The magic unravelling and dealing little more than a glancing blow.

The Eastern Gate, therefore, had been perfect for his needs. It was understated with little foot traffic except for the occasional large caravans that left through it, headed towards the duchy of Everrun and to the other outlying territories of the Kingdom.

Lacet thanked the innkeeper before headed towards the stairs. The stairs were rickety as he climbed up towards the room he had hired. When he approached his door, he kept his step light. Pushing open the door, he was met by a sleeping babe. She was still satiated by the feeding an hour or so ago, a smile on her lips. Swaddled in blankets, all he could see of her was a strand of pure white hair as she slept in a small cot next to his bed.

She looked so small; vulnerable almost. Why would Merrine simply hand her away. What kind of danger was this little infant in?

It boggled Lacet’s mind.

Keeping watch on their perch beside the cot, was Minerva, – his owl familiar. Minerva hopped towards him and hooted a greeting.

“How has she been?” Lacet asked the great horned owl.

The bevy of images flashing through his mind told Lacet all was well. He leaned over to scritch the top of Minerva’s head, unable to hide the smile stealing across his face. Minerva had been a faithful companion ever since he had sat in the small glade of trees on the Academy grounds as part of the summoning ritual which had been part of his course to become a qualified mage.

It was too bad he had nothing to give her as a treat. He needed every spare coin.

As if sensing his presence, the babe stirred. Her face screwed up in distaste and then she let out an awful cry.

The moment ruined, Lacet rushed to her side and picked her up. Seeing him, her entire expression transformed. Delighted at seeing her caretaker, she gurgled out a string of incoherent words that meant absolutely nothing to him.

When he stared at her blankly, Idana reached up to tug at his hair. He held her away, frowning. Damn it. He’d referred to her once again by name in his head.

That was a boundary he could not keep crossing. One of these days, Merrine would be back to reclaim her child and it was easier, for all involved, if Lacet kept this baby girl at a distance.

But he could not help it as his thoughts circled back to her name. Idana was the name embroidered on one of the blankets in gold stitching. It was an odd name. Derived from the old tongue. From his studies, Lacet knew it meant she who rises. Although, there were some scholars that contested the translation.

It was best suited for warrior queens of old. Not bestowed upon green-eyed she-devils. “You knew I’d come back, cheeky little thing,” said Lacet.

The baby babbled at him again.

In his heart of hearts, Lacet knew it would be no simple matter of leaving her behind if Merrine or the man who had been with her did not show. The child needed him. And until he could reunite both mother and daughter, he would have to remain at The Docile Dragon until he received word of what had happened to the couple that had knocked on his dormitory door seeking aid.

Even if it meant he would run out of coin.

Unless of course he took Idana with him. But that was out of the question when everything was still in limbo. What if Merrine were to show up the day after he had left? No. He could never do that to someone who clearly loved their child as much as the woman seemed to…

So, why did she see fit to leave Idana with him?

There were too many questions running through his mind and too few answers.

With a sigh, Lacet set Idana back down in her cot. He would wait until the end of the week. In that time, perhaps he would try once more to see if he couldn’t find out what was going on in the capital. He might not be able to enter Wyndhaven as yet, but he could certainly pay a messenger or two to help him make a few discreet enquiries. Minerva, too, could serve as an extra pair of eyes.

Concentrating, he cast a small illusion spell to keep the baby entertained. “Looks like we’ll be staying a bit longer,” he told Minerva once Idana had settled and was staring at the pretty picture he had conjured with fascination. “At least it gives me time to work on that enlargement spell for the suitcase. Thank goodness I hadn’t figured it out before else I don’t think you would have been able to lug it with you when you swooped in to find me last night, eh?”

Minerva aggressively nipped at his fingers in reply.

~

Even after a week, there had still been no word. No-one had heard of Merrine or a woman matching her description. Nor had there been anyone who had seen anything at the Academy dormitories. It was as if the entire confrontation with the robed individual had simply been a figment of his imagination. What frustrated Lacet more than anything else was the fact he could not verify anything he had been told. The compulsion spell still bound him to the outskirts of the capital, unable to enter.

Sat at a table in one of the far booths, Lacet ran his hands through his hair as he took stock of his current situation. He had exhausted all avenues he had to search for Idana’s mother and all he had to show for his efforts was a nearly empty coin purse. There was barely enough money for him to stay another two nights.

Time had finally run out.

Though Lacet was loathe to leave now, he had no other options available.

His one regret was Idana. It seemed a terrible shame to leave her but taking her with him would, no doubt, have its own share of problems. Better the innkeeper and his family take her in until such a time her mother was able to come looking for her.

The instant they had seen her green eyes, flecked with gold, blinking up at them after her nap, they had fallen in love with the girl.

They were good people. Honest. Hardworking.

Lacet knew Idana would be well looked after in their care.

It had been a hard decision, but he knew better than anyone what a child needed to grow up in a world as harsh as theirs. And, if he were lucky, he could send some money their way. It wouldn’t be much. After all, there were the kids at the orphanage to think about as well as well as his dream.

As more people entered the establishment, hunting for a drink or a warm meal to end a long day of work, Lacet rose from his seat. He had an early morning and there were still quite a few things he needed to pack into his newly enlarged suitcase. Thank Amoleth the last of his belongings had been delivered to The Docile Dragon just this morning at no expense. He would not have known what to do without his tools or the toy models he had been working on.

Just as he reached the stairs, Lacet looked towards the bar, hoping to catch the attention of the innkeeper and signal the fact he was retiring for the day. Occupied with a guest, he gave Lacet a distracted nod. Turning his attention back to the stairs, Lacet saw a flash of white from the corner of his eye.

Instinct, more than anything else, was what saved his life as a ball of plasma slammed into the hasty protective shield he wrapped around himself. It shuddered under the impact but held. Barely.

Lacet scanned the crowd of new arrivals, hoping to spot the mage that had tried to attack him.

There!

Fast approaching the stairs was a robed individual. The woman’s face was set with a grim determination as she pushed her way to the front.

Their eyes met.

In that instant, Lacet knew it was not him she was after but the babe placed in his charge. Idana was in danger.

He sprinted up the stairs, three at a time. Another ball of plasma careened into his shield, fizzling out as it skimmed over the top and slammed into the wall next to the stairs.

Krags and damnation!

Lacet risked a glance over his shoulder. Could he fire his own spell back at the woman?

At the foot of the stairs, the woman reached into her robes. Before she could withdraw her weapon, someone tackled her to the floor. Lacet whispered a prayer to the Mother of All and continued climbing up to his rooms. He couldn’t afford to hurt anyone or damage the inn. It didn’t matter his foe had almost no compunction about casualties. No-one would be harmed under his watch.

And his best bet in doing that was to grab Idana, take his suitcase and get away from The Docile Dragon as quickly as possible. Thankfully he had already paid for the night.

Lacet burst through the door to his rooms and took in the still sleeping child and alarmed horned owl perched atop the cot and looking down at her charge. At any other time, it would have been a normal everyday scene. But now, with danger fast approaching, Lacet could see how he had been lured into a false sense of security. “We have to go,” he said to the familiar as he scooped Idana into one arm and picked up his suitcase in the other.

Going back down the stairs was out of the question. Luckily enough, the rooms he had been furnished with had a tiny balcony. With a small spurt of magic, he opened the rusted doors and stepped through. The rickety wooden structure buckled under his weight. No matter. It wasn’t as if he was going to stay there long. Minerva fluttered over to land on his shoulder.

“Better hold on tight,” said Lacet as he leapt up onto the railing and stepped off into mid-air.

To anyone on the streets and looking up, it would have seemed as if time stopped. Lacet hung in the air, as if he were waiting for gravity to pull him down to the earth. And then he took another step and something bore him aloft.

It was a simple spell. One Lacet had learned the moment he had stepped into the hallowed halls of the Academy.

He raced down the platforms of hardened air he had created. By the time he had reached the ground, he was breathing hard, a stitch forming in his side. Idana, cradled in his arms, blinked up at him with her green eyes. She had woken and was seemingly delighted at the sudden turn of events as she let out a gurgle of pleasure.

Lacet risked another look over his shoulder. The Docile Dragon stood behind him, unchanged.

To the casual observer, nothing would be out of the ordinary except for the fact a man had descended down into the back streets as easily as if he had taken a long flight of stairs when there was naught but empty space.

Sudden movement drew Lacet’s gaze and he looked up at his rooms. A woman stood leaning over the railings to the balcony. The hood she had worn earlier had fallen back, revealing hair as black as sin. She held something in both hands.

Too late, Lacet realised what it was and began to run. A thunderous explosion sounded behind him a second later and he felt something skim his cheek, narrowly missing Idana.

Lacet cursed under his breath. The latest revolvers were something magic had not yet encountered. The balls of metal they spewed travelled at such a speed they could not be so easily repelled or stopped by a shield.

Out on the street, he was a sitting duck!

With Minerva following close behind him, he swerved into a side alley. Another bullet ricocheted against the cobblestones behind him just as he ducked behind cover.

With a wall between him and the shooter, Lacet used the opportunity to catch his breath and take stock of his situation.

Though they were not in the bustling roads of the capital, The Docile Dragon was still situated in a messy urban sprawl just outside the East Gate. It would be easy to lose their pursuer in the warren of back alleys and side streets – but that was based on the premise the woman was acting alone. Somehow Lacet doubted that.

If she was part of a team then he and Idana were still in danger.

There was no telling which direction the enemy would come from next. He needed to leave Wyndhaven behind and either head inland or find himself a boat willing to take on board two passengers for a small fee.

But which choice was best?

If Lacet had his way, he would have created a table to weigh the benefits and the drawbacks to each decision. Unfortunately, he did not have the luxury of time to think or weigh up arguments for and against each proposed option.

A decision needed to be made. And fast.

As the chatter of gunfire stopped, Lacet risked taking a peek again at the back of The Docile Dragon. The woman was gone.

Where the Hells was she? Fruitlessly, he scanned the streets for any sign of the sharpshooter but to no avail.

Panic threatened to seize him but lacet pushed it down. He could not afford to waste any more time. Bad people were after them. Lacet knew he needed to keep moving if he hoped to be a step ahead and keep Idana safe.

He dashed down the alleyway. When he reached a junction, he turned left before ducking into another side alley on his right. Minerva, flying up ahead, had informed him turning right would only lead to a dead-end. Through their bond, the great horned owl served as his eyes to navigate the maze he now found himself in.

He took the next right and continued straight ahead when he reached a crossroads. As he turned left at the second fork, Lacet came to a screeching halt. Standing at the far end was a hooded figure, robed all in white. Just like the woman who had attacked him before.

Lacet slowly backed away, mindful of the babe in the arms. Maybe if he tried going right instead…

As he turned, another figure dressed in thick black robes stepped into view, trapping him and Idana in this narrow street. None looked like the woman who had tried to shoot at him from the balcony of The Docile Dragon. That meant they were a party of at least three.

Krags. What now?

Up above, Minerva circled overhead.

In these narrow streets, she was at a disadvantage. But perhaps she could dive at the one in white? Lacet could follow it up with a concussive blast and knock them down. Then the way would be open for him to run. Elsewise, he could try to muscle his way past the figure robed in black. But that would mean heading back to The Docile Dragon and he still didn’t know where the first attacker was.

No. He’d go for the one in front of him.

Decision made, he set down his suitcase and focused on drawing in magic.

In his arms, Idana let out a gurgle and tried to reach for him with outstretched hands. “Not now,” he muttered to the girl, shifting his hold on her. Idana, however, was not so easily dissuaded. She wriggled around and Lacet almost thought his heart had stopped when she nearly dropped to the ground.

“Give us the girl,” said the figure in white, taking a step forward. The voice sounded deep; masculine. It carried a hint of an accent. One Lacet could not quite pinpoint, though he knew the man before him was not a native of the Kingdom.

“And why should I? What do you want with her?”

“That is not your concern. Hand her over and you will be unharmed. I give you my word.”

Lacet barely contained the snort. “You think I’d readily believe that? One of your own just shot at me mere moments ago. You know what I think? I think you’ll try to silence me as soon as I hand Idana over. No. She stays with me.”

The man tsked under his breath, one hand reaching underneath his robe. “Then you leave us with no choice.”

Before the man could unsheathe the weapon he had kept hidden, Minerva dived down from above. Her talons raked across his face. Snarling, he tried to bat her away to no avail, revealing the dagger he had kept concealed. Taking the opportunity presented to him, Lacet unleashed the spell he had been holding. In his arms, Idana let out a coo of disappointment as the magic was unleashed.

The concussive force blasted into the hooded man, bowling him over.

In an instant, Minerva was away, flapping her wings furiously.

Not daring to look back at the figure in black behind him, Lacet picked up his belongings and ran as fast as his legs could carry him. Idana bounced in his arms, giggling in delight.

Behind him, there was a shout of alarm. Lacet ignored it. Just as he did the burning in his legs and the terrible pressure on his lungs. He needed to get away.

Just as Lacet reached the corner, something slammed into his back and he went sprawling into the dirt. Dazed, Lacet found his suitcase crushed beneath him. By Amoleth’s blessing, Idana remained unharmed. She sat a few centimetres away from him, prattling excitedly as she playfully struck the ground around her.

Dear Amoleth, the babe before him thought it was all a game!

Lacet scrambled to his feet., only one thought in mind.

Pain seared along his left leg just as he bent down to scoop Idana into his arms. He stumbled, leaning against the wall of a warehouse to steady himself. Sensing something was amiss, Idana began to crawl towards him. She let out a questioning coo, her brow furrowed.

Glancing behind him, Lacet spied the figure in black fast approaching. He rose once again on unsteady feet to face their assailant, a spell on his lips.

Right before he could finish the incantation, he was blasted back by a searing fireball that nearly scorched away his eyebrows.

Whoever these people were, they were not simple assassins. Just like the woman earlier, they were also skilled mages. Against such raw power, Lacet was helpless.

With a heavy thud, Lacet landed on his back. The air rushed from his lungs as the wind was knocked out of him. He tried to take in a breath but the effort burned. It was as if the air around him was still aflame and he was inhaling it with each intake of air.

Was this what dying felt like?

Seconds passed as he fought past the pain and tried to gather his wits. Stunned as he was by the blow, though, he could only watch as the figure in black reached Idana.

Before the man could pick her up, Minerva came swooping down from above. Yet even the owl was no match against a mage with such strength. She was slammed against the wall by the wave of a concussive force and held there for several moments before the mage let the spell go.

Minerva flopped onto the ground; still and unmoving. Lacet felt a spike of fear lance through his heart.

It was then that a piercing wail erupted. Idana, fat teardrops trailing down her cheeks, tried to reach for the bird. She was still too young to understand the severity of the situation but she did know her friend was hurt. It twisted something in Lacet’s chest as he bore witness to the scene.

There was his familiar. And there was his charge.

Krags, but he needed to do something!

Through sheer force of will, Lacet managed roll onto his stomach. He had but one shot. And by Amoleth, he would die before Idana was taken.

The figure grabbed her by the scruff of her neck. She struggled in their grip, trying to twist herself free as she once more reached for the fallen Minerva. Her faithful friend and babysitter over the last week.

“What do you want with her?” Lacet screamed at the person. “She’s just a babe. No danger to anyone! I beg of you, show us mercy. Please!”

A spell cut across Lacet’s face; razor sharp. It left a thin line of blood in its wake, atop the bridge of his nose. Lacet resisted the urge to hiss in pain as he pulled himself closer. He would be strong in this final stand. There was, after all, still one spell he had up his sleeve.

Idana continued to squirm in the grip of the figure wreathed in black. Her cries were filled with an earnest desperation. One that pulled at Lacet’s heartstrings as she called out to the defeated familiar.

If only he could get to her…

The figure backhanded Idana to shut her up. In that moment of contact, time stopped. Idana’s eyes flashed a brilliant gold and between one blink to the next, she landed on the ground with a gentle as a tidal wave of magic washed outwards. The assailant let out a silent scream before crumbling into dust amidst scorching blue flames.

As did the man in white who had risen to his feet and had been limping towards them.

What in Amoleth’s name…?

~

Battered and bruised, Lacet had returned to The Docile Dragon late in the evening with Idana and Minerva in tow. It might not have been the smartest decision but he needed to make sure the innkeeper and his family were safe. And to tell them he had changed his mind regarding the care of the white-haired girl that was, even now, trying to tug at his hair as she happily babbled nonsensically.

It was clear if she stayed in Wyndhaven, she would be under the constant threat of being taken or worse, killed. The people that had attacked them were powerful mages. And there were few people who could stand against them. Even if Idana could somehow reawaken the strange power of hers residing within.

Beyond those key factors, Lacet could not live with the knowledge he had condemned good people to die.

It was better Idana stay with him for the time being.

At the very least, he could train her and channel her gift towards something good. Besides, how hard could it be to raise a child and mentor them in the art of magic?

Heart of Darkness

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

After finishing off a slew of quick games before my trip overseas, I decided that as I traipsed around South Korea and Japan, it would be good to tackle another Square Enix title. No, it was not Final Fantasy XVI, although I’m sure bleachpanda would have approved. Alas, I didn’t have the game on a portable handheld and I wasn’t planning on packing my PlayStation 5 into my luggage.

No, I brought something much smaller.

This was a game akin to Octopath Traveler. Except, instead of having playable characters explore the one world and stumbling upon their fellow travellers, this title would see each and every protagonist play out their own self-contained stories of varying lengths across space and time. And all of them would be tenuously linked by a seed of hatred fuelling all the villains they would end-up taking down by the end.

More importantly, the game in question was also a remake. The original had come out aeons ago and had never been translated into English. But with the resurgence in recent years of pixellated art-styles and the success of the 2D-HD hybrid in titles such as Triangle Strategy and Bravely Default, Live a Live was gifted a second chance to appeal to the hearts of gamers worldwide.

Now, when this game first released in 2022, I have to admit, I was a little sceptical about picking it up. There hadn’t been much in the way of fanfare for it and I already had quite a few other games on my plate to tackle. COVID-19 might have put a damper on many blockbuster triple-AAA titles but I’d enjoyed a glut of smaller niche titles.

As such, it was hard to try and squeeze Live a Live into my very packed schedule.

And so, it is with a heavy heart for me to admit that I didn’t pick up this game until quite a while later. But pick it up I did. And knowing I’d need something to help me unwind during my trip, I chose it to be the game I played.

After all, it had sold itself as having many different stories that could be played independently of each other. So, in my mind, it would be the perfect pick-up and play game.

What I hadn’t anticipated was that the first two chapters I’d pick end up being two of the longest: The Near Future and Prehistoric. I was also at a loss to know which order to play the chapters in but settled in for the first option in the rotation.

Near Future stars Akira. After his father passes away, Akira is whisked away to live in an orphanage with his sister. There, he whiles away the time by helping out his friend, Matsu, at a taiyaki stall and lounging on benches in the city park. After a few altercations with the local gang, he stumbles upon a conspiracy where humans are liquified to bring back a bird God, Odeo. The story ends with Akira duking it out against the revived God in the Steel Titan mech, piloted through Akira’s psychic powers.

Prehistoric, on the other hand, has Pogo stumbling upon cavewoman Beru, who had fled her own tribe after nearly being sacrificed. Unfortunately, her tribe manages to track her down. Pogo, with the help of his gorilla friend Gori rescue her, bringing down the Tyrannosaurus Rex Beru would have been sacrificed to. In so doing, Pogo wins the respect of his tribe and that of Beru’s.

But the story that stood out to me the most was the Far Future one, starring the iconic Cube, a small round robot, who was created by the engineer Kato to assist around the spaceship. The story plays out like a horror story with elements of Alien and System Shock. It isn’t long before Cube is forced to face off against the rogue primary artificial intelligence, OD-10.

Then, of course, there are the stories of Sundown Kid, Oboromaru, the Earthen Heart Master and Masaru. Completing all seven of the stories unlocks an eighth chapter: The Middles Ages.

In the Middles Ages, players step into the shoes of Oersted. A knight of the Kingdom of Lucrece, he shows off his prowess at a tourney held by the King. Besting the sorcerer Streibough, Oersted is rewarded the right to marry the king’s daughter. That night, as he celebrates his victory, the princess is kidnapped by the Lord of Dark. Oersted sets off on his journey to slay the Lord of Dark at Archon’s Roost.

The rescue, however, does not go as planned and Streibough dies. Hasshe, the previous hero who had slain the first Lord of Dark, also falls. With a heavy heart, Oersted returns to Lucrece to report to the king.

It is later revealed, however, that Streibough is alive. Jealous of Oersted, Streibough orchestrates a plot to besmirch Oersted’s good name and paint him as the villain. After accidentally killing Lucrece’s king, due to an illusion, Oersted finds himself alone and without allies, the citizens of Lucrece quick to denounce him as a new Lord of Dark. Upon Oersted’s return to the Archon’s Roost, Oersted is forced to confront the traitorous sorcerer. Streibough slain, the princess emerges. But instead of being overjoyed, the princess expresses anger toward Oersted and commits suicide.

Overcome with hatred and despair, Oersted steps into the role of the Lord of Dark, christening himself a new name: Odio and extending his tentacles across time and space. These are, of course, the enemies the rest of the characters fought in their individual stories.

With the end of this eighth chapter, a ninth one opens up: The Dominion of Hate. Here, Odio transports the heroes of the previous chapters to the Kingdom of Lucrece, questioning the reasons why they fight and engaging in battle with them.

Much of the messaging in these last few moments still feel quite relevant to the current situation of our world. Especially as wars rage and people treat each other with disdain, drawing lines in the sand and forgetting that not everything in the world is so black and white. And as more and more people struggle with mental health, giving into the darkness of their hearts as they lash out at others through the anonymity of the internet, I’m reminded once again that most of our lives are more than a few comments or a status update on social media.

And yet, many have now squeezed themselves and their whole personality into 60 second video clips or 240 characters.

The internet may love their ‘morally grey’ love interests but somehow we’ve also forgotten there is more that motivates an individual than just one post they might have put up ten years ago.

In the end, it all comes down to what we make of our situations and how we react. Far too often, we rush ahead, blinding assuming people are out to get us without stopping to think things through. And in our bid to remain relevant, we fail to think about the human on the other end of the text chain and their feelings and their lives.

Yes, you may be the ‘main character’ of your story. But so are others. They aren’t just bit characters in your play.

And maybe that’s something we need to remind ourselves each day when we take to sending hate through the internet.

In this day and age, I’d hate to fight what sort of Lord of Dark might come out from all the vitriol dwelling inside. Joseph Conrad might have depicted a man’s slow descent into evil by venturing deep into a jungle but we are seeing a modern day descent into savagery play out right before our very eyes.

I didn’t mean to end everything on a downer though.

From a gameplay perspective, Live a Live keeps it simple with its turn-based combat a la Chrono Trigger and other role-playing games of yesteryear. What was intriguing to me, though, was the grid-like combat and the ability for players to position their characters just-so to deal critical damage or to target more enemies through area-of-effect attacks.

While this necessitated some form of strategy, I also found it easy, once sufficiently levelled, to just hit the final boss with all my strongest attacks without much thought on how long they would take to charge.

Overall, I enjoyed my time with Live a Live and somewhat regret not picking it up earlier. Should Square Enix ever release another experimental title, I think I’d be quite intrigued to see where it might lead.

Looking back on the Rising Sun

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

After tasting the intricately interconnected history of empires in the Middle East, visiting South Korea and Japan this year was a treat. Much like the the nations around the Mediterranean, many of the North East Asian countries such as China, Korea and Japan also a shared history. Whether this was their festivals or religious observations – there were many similarities. Especially when it came to engagement with the Western world when European powers came knocking during the Age of Discovery.

While I would still like to do a six week trip to the United Kingdom sometime in the near future, travelling to six different cities over the course of three weeks with my dear friend, bleachpanda, was still an experience in and of itself.

Most of the time I’ve ventured overseas, it’s been with family. In fact, there have only been two instances when it hasn’t been with one family member or another. The first was in 2013 when I accompanied a friend and her brother to the United Kingdom (but stayed primarily in and around London before heading to Czechia and Austria for a week). The second was my solo travel around the United States and Canada back in 2016 after being made redundant when I was selling books.

So, this third trip without family was still very special to me.

And while from date of ticket purchase to actual visit took nigh on six months, the decision to go to Japan in late February to early March was, at least in my eyes, a rather impulsive decision.

In fact, it came about when bleachpanda was browsing the internet and stumbled upon cheap ANA deals, messaging me, and then me readily agreeing to go before I plotted out our route through the cities while noting down the major sights we could see. True, there were places we didn’t quite get to see – like Onomichi or heading to Kawaguchiko and Arakurayama Sengen Park to see a splendid view of Mount Fuji – but overall, I still think our trip to South Korea and Japan will remain a particular highlight for the two of us.

Perhaps because we were not tethered to family or expectations and could explore South Korea and Japan unfettered. And as the two of us had some similar hobbies, it didn’t seem all too terrible to wander through a Mugiwara store or three, even as I dragged bleachpanda to the umpteenth Disney store in the city. Yes, I did get a little cranky when we stopped every fifteen minutes to spend another five to ten minutes at an accessory store in South Korea but it could have been worse.

And bleachpanda was very accommodating when it came to all the tourist sights I had us visiting, despite the occasional tiresome travel day we may have had. Or the fact I had her climbing up Namsan towards N Seoul Tower. Something she likes to remind me of every time I sing the Don Quijote song.

Would I go travelling again with a friend? Yes! Would I travel again with bleachpanda? Probably yes. She’s not the worst travel companion I’ve had and was pretty flexible about places to see and visit.

Travelling with friends can be a delicate balancing act but if you manage to communicate well, it can become much more fun.

Of course, keeping numbers low is still probably more beneficial than being in a large group. Unless, of course, your interests all align. Elsewise, being able to split away and do your own thing once in a while would probably be best.

In any case, visiting Japan has always been a treat. After growing up on a healthy dose of anime and manga, along with video games made by Japanese developers, there’s something fascinating about visiting Japan and soaking in the culture whilst physically there. It also helped that many of their aesthetics for plushies were right in my ballpark. Beyond the major cities, though, there’s also something magical about the smaller towns and the countryside. Less frenetic, they give people an opportunity to breathe.

South Korea, too, was a country of contrasts with one foot in its long storied history with the Joseon dynasty and the other in a ultramodern city setting. This was particularly prevalent in Seoul where people would hawk the latest Samsung TV or phone, which stood in stark contrast to the palaces of old.

While I know many a person who has come to fall in love with South Korea through their music, television shows and skincare products, I was still quite new to the whole experience. After all, the only Korean production I’ve watched is Squid Game and it doesn’t distill much except that capitalism is bad and people will oft times do anything to lift themselves out of poverty. Of course, the game is rigged up for the wealthy to enjoy the novelty of watching people scrambling to survive.

But while in South Korea, I managed to see beyond the image presented by the media it produced. Instead, I came to understand a little of what drove the people and their wishes for the future.

And that is something you can’t always get from a tawdry drama or two.

As someone who loves to read and play video games, exploring and seeing things for myself adds to my understanding of someone’s lived experience. It brings into stark reality the horrors people have endured that seeing it through a screen simply cannot capture. Reading personal stories about those in wars, listening to their testimonies, and seeing the repercussions puts these things into perspective and helps place these events firmly in reality.

We live so much of our lives online these days, it’s often hard to differentiate what is real and what isn’t. Heck, some people even question now if the Holocaust is real.

Like…why? How?

This is why it’s important to conserve our history.

Nations rise and fall but in many places, history has been preserved. And this was abundantly clear while I was in South Korea and Japan. While the actions of nations from aeons ago can be forgiven, they should never be forgotten lest human tribalism repeat the mistakes of old.

With that said, I do hope to revisit Japan again in the future, and perhaps a few more places in South Korea. But for now, I have my heart set on a few other countries I want to tick off. Namely Europe and the United Kingdom before I turn my attention to South-East Asia.

So many places to go, so many things to do…and yet so little time to experience this great wide world we call home.

Moe Moe Kyun!

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

Every year at SMASH! (Sydney Manga and Anime Show), there is a maid cafe. Why? Well, because in many anime and manga, anime cafes either feature in a chapter or two during the school festival if it’s a slice of life story. Much like the obligatory beach episode. Or the hot spring event. What I’m trying to say is that it’s a quintessential part of almost all anime and manga to include a maid cafe somewhere in their story.

Unfortunately, I’ve not had much luck attending the maid cafe held at SMASH! because of its popularity. Worse, these type of themed cafes aren’t very big in Australia.

Enter Akihabara: home of many a maid cafe and the centre of culture for all international weebs.

On our last proper day in Japan, belachpanda and I decided to revisit Akihabara and Ikebukuro to tick off the places we might have missed out on the very rain-heavy Tuesday. And so, early in the morning, she and I went to try out a maid cafe. Here, we were treated like the princesses the two of us were. And it was bright and pink and we were called ojou-sama by the staff.

While we were a little early, it wasn’t long before we were seated and had ordered our dessert combos (which included a polaroid photo, our choice of drink and a choice of the desserts they had available). While it was a little difficult to communicate, I couldn’t help but admire their enthusiasm. Especially when every time one of the maids brought out food for the guests they would cast a ‘spell’ over it by going: “Moe Moe Kyun!” and encourage us to do it as well.

While I found it mildly embarrassing at first, their earnestness soon had me joining in wholeheartedly. But I have to say, the interactions when it came to drinks – be it alcoholic or ones require mixing was…well…also a little different.

Still, seeing everyone else engage with the staff and be suckered into participating with it helped normalise it all somehow.

After the maid cafe, bleachpanda and I trawled trhough the stores at Akihabara, looking at what was on offer and seeing if there was any other merchandise that might catch our eye. This involved heading to Suruga-ya and perusing their stock of figurines for anything that caught my eye.

Alas, it was not to be.

I walked away empty-handed while bleachpanda bought herself three figurines after I’d noticed one of her favourite characters and pointed it out. Then, after purchasing them, she blamed me for being a bad influence!

Outrageous!

I was merely being a good friend. And I didn’t tell her to BUY it. She did it all on her own, thank you very much!

Afterwards, we returned to the Square-Enix store and I ended up buying the Octopath Traveler 2 original soundtrack. We then tried our luck with getting the free Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth coasters but ended up getting the same two Turks. Not willing to give up, I got another drink and managed to nab Tifa Lockhart. Satisfied with my prize, I allowed bleachpanda to drag me back to Ikebukuro and Otome Road so she could visit two shops she missed while it was pouring down on us on Tuesday.

As luck would have it, she was able to spot a few tin badges of her favourite otome character while I simply looked on, eyes glazed.

We ended the day by revisiting the ARTNIA cafe to see if anything had been restocked before returning back to our hotel as we prepared for our early flight in the morning.

Thus, concluding our three week trip overseas to South Korea and Japan.

Least I managed to spot a few collectibles from franchises I was familiar with this time round! Probably should have got the Chiaki or the Kyoko mini figurine.

Oh, and I also spotted two Like a Dragon figurines. But I couldn’t find a way to buy them! Ah well!

The return flight back home was mostly uneventful, although they did refresh a few of the movies available. And so, I managed to knock out Wonka and The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes during the nine hours I was up in the air.

Have to say, both of them were very different and I didn’t expect a musical when I watched the trailers for Wonka back in cinemas.

Did I find a gallivanting Timothee Chalamet amusing? Yes. And I also really loved Olivia Colman’s performance as an unscrupulous innkeeper.

As for The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, it was nice to get some backstory for Coriolanus Snow. Admittedly, the actor was very dashing but it was Rachel Zegler who stole hearts and minds as Lucy Grey Baird.

The Perfect Cup

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

As everyone knows, the 14th of February is Valentine’s Day, where romance reigns supreme where flowers and boxes of chocolates are gifted to significant others. In Japan and Korea, Valentine’s Day is when girls give the boys they like chocolate. A month later, on 14th March, boys return the gesture. And given its marketability, I saw many advertisements for it as we travelled across both Japan and South Korea.

Unfortunately for bleachpanda and myself, we were both single. So, on White Day, we headed all the way down to Yokohama instead to treat ourselves. Not with chocolate, mind you, although there was a Godiva cafe I regret not actually visiting, but because I wanted to immerse myself in the locations that were in Yakua: Like a Dragon and Lost Judgment.

Yokohama is a city south of Tokyo and is the most populous city in Kanagawa Prefeecture. It was also one of the first Japanese ports opened to foreign trade back in the mid-19th century. But it’s also known for a range of distractions including Cosmo World, the Red Brick Warehouses and, of course, our first destination for the day: The Cup Noodle Museum.

The humble Cup Noodle started life out as Chicken Ramen. The inventor, Momofuku Ando, had been trying to make something that needed only the addition of some hot water. It was during a trip to America that Momofuku was inspired by people putting his chicken ramen noodles in a cup, pouring in hot water and then eating them with a fork. By bringing together all sorts of innovative ideas, including changing one’s perspective on how to place the ramen into a cup, he was able to come up with a winning formula that soon became an international sensation.

Entering inside the Cup Noodle museum, bleachpanda and I set about creating our perfect cup – much like how Noctis and his friends did during their road trip adventure in Final Fantasy XV (a game bleachpanda still hasn’t finished even as she tries to guilt me into not playing Final Fantasy XVI as soon as it released. I’m GETTING there. I just need to finish off a few OTHER games I bought like Like a Dragon: Ishin!). In the game, Noctis and friends were tasked with slaying numerous monsters depending on the type of ingredient you chose when speaking with Gladiolus.

Heck, I even posted a picture on this very blog where someone had cosplayed as Noctis with the Cup Noodle hat!

Oh, memories…

In any case, bleachpanda and I were able to successfully make our own flavours of Cup Noodle and designing the outside too! Due, of course, to my lack of creation, I simply drew a picture of Pikachu. But I know if my friend Rinbeti had come along, she would have probably drawn something either wondrous or terrifying.

There’s no telling if she’ll be wholesome or draw something that’s NSFW. Perhaps both, actually.

Afterwards, bleachpanda and I took the opportunity to explore the rest of the museum, learning its history: from its humble beginnings to the massive brand it is today. Heck, there’s even SPACE ramen now!

From the Cup Noodles Museum, bleachpanda and I headed to the Red Brick Warehouse. Unfortunately, much of it was impassible due to an event that would be held on the next day. And though I was told it was a collection of boutique shops, from what I managed to glimpse, it seemed to primarily be food. And we were still too early to chow down on anything.

So, off we trotted to Chinatown, bypassing the very European-inspired design of Yokohama’s Customs House. Now, the Chinatown in Yokohama, it should be known, is the largest Chinatown in Japan and is about 160 years old. Almost everywhere we walked were restaurants or themed shops. And in my eyes, it carried a lot of influence from the Guangdong province of China, as well as Hong Kong.

It was here when we tried out the Japanese idea of yumcha. And while the food was decent, I have to admit, it didn’t quite keep the spirit of a rowdy yumcha with trolleys being pushed through narrow aisles between seats as the servers tried to hawk away their offerings to their hungry guests.

Still, I was quite satisfied in wandering around the Chinatown (we even picked up some snacks) before heading to Yamashita Park. Once there, I couldn’t help but feel like I’d be thrust into Yakuza: Like a Dragon. Though Yamashita park was only a small portion of the Yokohama world map, I remembered many an amusing side quest in the section, which was only emphasised when Takayuki Yagami was skateboarding in the park as part of his mission to infiltrate all the school clubs in Lost Judgement.

Credit must be given to Ryu Ga Gotoku Studio for bringing these real-world locations to life in video game format. Especially given how I was able to identify so many places that I’d only ever seen in the shrunken down version of the game.

But I didn’t have much time to appreciate the Like a Dragon nostalgia because Yokohama had one last surprise for us: The Gundam Factory and its towering recreation of a Gundam that could move through the use of hydraulics! Even for someone who doesn’t like mechs in general, seeing the giant robot pose and spout meaningful things about friendship and a bright future was still an impressive sight to witness.

We stayed longer than I anticipated at the Gundam Factory as we waited for the next performance, but bleachpanda was satisfied to record most of the variations. She was, however, disappointed that the shop didn’t have much on offer. Given it was set to close by next month, though, she wasn’t too bothered.

Plus, you know, there was an apology from the creators on the limitations of what creating a real-life Gundam would entail. It’s honestly too bad we haven’t yet found a means to find ultralight metals to make them a reality.

With the spectacle of the ‘Moving Gundam’ in the rearview mirror, bleachpanda and I returned to Tokyo. More specifically, we headed back to Shinjuku station. But before returning to our hotel, bleachpanda and I made a stop at the batting cages (after refuelling at a Krispy Kreme to see if there were any regional specials) to enjoy a uniquely Japanese experience.

I impressed myself with being able to hit several of the balls flung at me at 80-90km/h given how long it had been since I last swung a bat while playing softball. Bleachpanda, on the other hand, managed to punt several of the balls because it was easier and she didn’t have to time her swing just right (it’s cheating is what it is).

With my arms still feeling weak, bleachpanda and I ended our day with some Japanese KFC. To our dismay, it didn’t taste as good as the McDonald’s we had at Narita airport when we were heading to South Korea. Nor did it have any potato and gravy! A blasphemous act from anyone who loves and enjoys the KFC back home in Australia.

Disappointed, we returned to our hotel.

It’s hard to imagine that tomorrow will be our last day exploring Japan and seeing what is has on offer. I can’t believe the trip is coming to an end. It felt both too short and also fairly long.

And yet, a part of me can’t wait to get back home and start planning my next great adventure out into the wide world!

Memoirs of a Blogger

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

After the rain-heavy day that was Tuesday, the 12th of March, the sun was quick to come out on Wednesday, the 13th. And what a glorious day it was! Bleachpanda and I enjoyed another breakfast of grilled cheese toasties at the bakery at our hotel before venturing to Shinjuku station in order to take the train to Skytree. Though we had to transfer once, the ride was fairly smooth and we arrived at Oshiage station shortly after 10 AM.

As we ascended up to the department store to the Skytree counter, I did get distracted by the Kirby cafe, the Pokemon Centre and a ton of other shops including Doraemon and a pop-up store for Poppy Playtime. Not that I play Poppy Playtime but I’ve definitely been exposed to some of the lore from watching Game Theory on YouTube (it still feels oh so very raw with Matthew Patrick leaving but I think Tom is a suitable replacement). In fact, there was also Poppy Playtime and other indie mascot horror game merchandise in South Korea too.

Once we secured our tickets to go up, bleachpanda and I waited for our allotted time to head up to the observation deck. Once there, it felt like all of Tokyo was laid out beneath our feet. But what was more amazing was the sight of Mount Fuji in the distance.

I’d originally planned to head out to Kawaguchiko to take some scenic shots of the infamous volcano but given how long it would take to get there, I was happy I could cross out seeing Mount Fuji right in the heart of Tokyo.

Still, I wouldn’t be opposed to visiting Kawaguchiko or Hakone if I were to head to Japan again. There’s something about being surrounded by nature and snapping a shot of an iconic landmark that calls to me. Of course, Mount Fuji is also known for being notoriously elusive even on good days because of cloud cover or fog. So, it was a rare sight indeed for me to glimpse it. Both at the normal observatory and also up high at the Tembo Galleria.

Heck, we even took a photo too! And got mini versions of the tower through the gacha machine. Mine would turn yellow, which, according to the various descriptions of the lighting for Tokyo Skytree is considered a sign of good luck, with its illumination emphasising liveliness.

To commemorate the event of sighting Mount Fuji from on high, bleachpanda and I enjoyed a parfait each at the Sky Tree cafe as we soaked in the sight. After all, we were here on holiday and we didn’t have an intense itinerary to hit every stop. And honestly, it works out well. There isn’t too much stress and we can go at our own pace to see what we want without feeling the pressure of missing out on something important.

It helped, too, that bleachpanda and I had already visited Japan in the past and felt that some of the sights didn’t need another visit.

After we enjoyed our snack at 345 metres above sea level, we returned back down to Earth and tried some shrimp prawn broth ramen before heading to Asakusa.

Asakusa is a historic neighbourhood located in Tokyo and it’s a popular tourist destination because of its unique blend of traditional and modern cultures. This was prevalent with the number of street-food stalls, traditional craft shops and rickshaws in the region. It also, more importantly, had areas to rent a kimono.

Since bleachpanda and I had the good fortune to rent a hanbok while we were in South Korea, I couldn’t resist the idea of trying on a kimono while here and taking them out for a spin. I went with a tasteful purple kimono with a yellow/ gold obi while bleachpanda wore a multicoloured one with shades of blue, yellow and pink. Once attired, we headed down to Senso-ji temple, visiting the shops and stalls as we did so.

We even, to my surprise, had someone ask if they could take a photo with us. So, if you ever see two Asian ladies and a Latina woman in the heart of Asakusa on social media, it might be the two of us. Indeed, we later spotted the mother and son duo (the son took the photo) as we headed down Nakamise-dori street towards Senso-ji temple.

So, yes, here’s ANOTHER photo of the back of my head:

Unfortunately, we weren’t able to stay in our kimonos for long and after almost two hours, we had to return to the shop: Silk in order to return them before 5 PM. Afterwards, we were joined by my two Australian friends, who had just missed out on seeing me and bleachpanda rocking our kimonos (although I did send them photos). They were meant to be our professional photographers for the day but alas had got caught up in their own touristy itinerary they had meticulously planned to get the most out of their trip.

And after another wander around Senso-ji temple, the four of us went for dinner at a local restaurant. Full on Italian pizza and pasta, bleachpanda and I called it a night and returned to our hotel. My other two friends would be heading to Hakone the next day and be continuing on their Japan adventure as bleachpanda and mine’s was drawing to a close.

Still, the morrow was full of promises to be just as action-packed. And after nearly three weeks overseas, bleachpanda and I would need to dig deep into our energy reserves to keep the momentum going before our inevitable return back home.

A fact which saddened me as I went to bed for the night.

Yokohama, here we come!