Relationship FOMO

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

Jo March is a character that holds a dear place in my heart. In the 2019 adaption, There is a particularly poignant scenethat speaks to me. It is when Jo tells her mother that despite her desires to better herself and be more than just her designated station in life, she finds herself adrift and lonely.

“Women, they have minds and they have souls as well as just hearts. And they’ve got ambition and they’ve got talent as well as just beauty, and I’m so sick of people saying that love is just all a woman is fit for. I’m so sick of it! But… I am so lonely.”

I don’t really know if I’m asexual or if I’ve simply not had good luck when it comes to ‘meeting the one,’ but I do know that after giving it much thought, I do want a companion in life. Someone I can talk to. Someone I can be myself with. And someone who won’t judge me for any of my choices: poor or good.

Although, to be honest, the sexual aspect of a relationship just isn’t something that has truly appealed to me. I say this knowing that my internet browsing history would attest otherwise. Sometimes, though, you just have got to get down and dirty with your favourite ships! 

Cliched though it may sound, and possibly driven by the pre-programmed wants and needs of social contact that has been bred into humans, I just want a best friend that I can lean on. I saw it in school when everyone had their own best friends that they could confide all their deepest, darkest secrets. And I see it among my friends as they pair off – first marrying and then having children.

As someone who likes their independence (mostly just to play video games and do whatever the hell I want with the spare time that I have), it feels somewhat constricting to be chained to another person. No longer will I be able to read late into the night or spend most of my waking moments enjoying fantastical worlds birthed by game developers. 

And yet…

At time of writing this post, I have a coffee date (read better as a meet and greet) with someone that my grandmother’s friend has set me up with. We’ve chatted a few times over Whatsapp but it’s all been quite surface. To be quite honest, I’m not particularly enthused about this imposition on my precious time. We’ll most likely chat a while, sip some average hot chocolate and maybe eat a dessert or two (should things turn out a bit better than how I imagine it to be, perhaps I’ll edit this post. If not, just assume it went as described).

The problem probably rests solely with me and the mentality I have going into these situations. Romantic comedies have trained me to look for the spark. When I feel nothing for the stranger seated opposite me, I give up the ghost and deem the meeting a lost cause. It doesn’t help when I’ve failed to make much of an impression on them either. There’s no continuation to the conversation. Just silence.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s because they find me intimidating. A woman who games? A woman who reads a lot? A woman who has her own blog that she occasionally uses to discuss the failures of her non-existent love life?

Yeah. I suppose that can give anyone pause – man, woman, non-binary and everything in-between.

It’s not like there’s a Ryan Lucan just waiting for me on the horizon. Gosh. After playing through Life is Strange: True Colours, I want to find my own Haven Springs, Colorado. Not sure if one exists in Australia (probably neighbouring New Zealand), but that’s the place I want to set down roots and retire in.

Tangent aside, maybe it’s time to just admit that I’m either ace or grey and just invest in a pet that will love me unconditionally. 

Now, if only these people in actual relationships would stop shoving it down my throat how happy and in love they all are. 

Mother, if you’re reading this, I’d also like you to stop trying to force all these heterosexual expectations on my persons. Continuing the family line? Pumping out grandchildren for you to spoil? It’s the 21st century for goodness’s sake! And while I think I’d make an excellent mother as I try to get them to be the next brilliant genius by reading them books and encouraging a love for STEM fields regardless of what gender they’ll turn out to be, maybe just resign yourself to adopted grandchildren? 

There is IVF, I suppose…

But we’ll see. It is a new year after all and COVID-19 will hopefully just be in the rearview mirror. Maybe 2022 will be that year!

Just to be sure, I’ll put it down as a resolution. We all know how well those end up.

Like Tears in the (Acid) Rain

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

When the game first released, Cyberpunk 2077 was an absolute mess on consoles. Caught in the throes of a lengthy playthrough of Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla, I decided that I would wait for a few patches to come through before attempting to take on Night City with Keanu Reeves Johnny Silverhand by my side. This was not the norm for me. Often, when big budget shiny titles come out, I play it quite close to the release date. But after seeing the furor online and hearing a couple of horror stories from some of my gaming friends, in my infinite wisdom, I saw the silver lining of trying to get through some of my backlog of smaller titles that had previously escaped my notice.

Almost a year later, with a whopping 90-110GB amount of space being taken up on the hard drive of my PlayStation 4 Pro, I finally found a small gap in releases (to the disappointment of many of my friends, I decided to skip out on the remake of Pokemon Brilliant Diamond and Pokemon Shining Pearl – primarily because I had played it on my Nintendo DS and had never truly fallen in love with it. My interest waning before I’d even reached the last gym). 

May be an image of 1 person and indoor

Booting up my console, I finally decided to step into the shoes of V, a former corporat (although your personal background can also include being a nomad or a kid raised on the streets of Night City) turned mercenary, with a strong friend in Jackie Welles. And, of course, my first terrifying moment with the game was when I was customising my character just as my mother was pacing around the lounge that is my gaming den. Thankfully, she never glanced towards the screen as I was selecting breast size and other endearing body parts. If she had…well…it’s hard to say what she might have thought I was playing. I’m sure if developers wanted to, they could pivot games into an entirely different direction.

Yet despite the marketing of how ‘edgy’ it was to pick one’s how large one’s endowment could be, such choices had little impact in the game itself. Except, of course, when they clipped clothes back during the buggy days when the game first released.

The story of Cyberpunk 2077 is a simpler tale focused primarily on V’s dilemma of having a piece of experimental technology shoved into their head that is slowly overwriting their conscience mind and body. This isn’t a grand tale of saving the world. Nor is it truly about fighting corrupt megacorporations (no matter how much Keanu Johnny Silverhand tries to tell the players otherwise). It’s more personal. Even though a lot has clearly been put into building Night City and the futuristic world that players find themselves in.

Hints of Blade Runner and other pioneering science fiction novels permeate the world. I might not have read the likes of Hardwired or Neuromancer just yet, but I can definitely see how they might have informed the world. The aesthetics of East meets West, the neon and the chase for meaning in a world that is more concerned about consumption of goods.

But while I felt many of the characters in the main storyline were quite well written – Panam, Judy, Rogue and Johnny, I was disappointed to find that so many side quests or gigs/ NCPD hustles were very lacklustre. Yes, picking up shards to fill the character in on the complex relationships between the various gangs was a nice touch, but I couldn’t have cared less about it. V certainly wouldn’t have given a gonk’s arse about the politics that were brewing underneath the surface of Maelstrom.

It was this that disappointed me first and more about the open world nature of Night City. Everything felt very bare bones. Go to objective. Clear the camp of enemies. Watch as eddies drip into bank account. Over and over and over and over again.

Nor did it help with the sheer amount of NCPD Hustles there were scattered all over the map. As a self-regarded completionist, or, at the very least, someone who prefers to see what the side content is available as I make my incredibly slow way through main story quests, it felt like I was checking things off a list. None of it was very engaging. And what morsels of world-building that was contained in the shards I found on dead gang members and corporate guards were instantly dismissed to the back of my mind.

There are only a few sidequests that caught my eye. These were Delamain, everyone’s favourite AI taxi service, and the creepy storyline of Jefferson Peralez. These were able to weave in world-buildling with likable and charismatic characters. It gave me more to chew on than a one-and-done gig of retrieving someone’s car or assassinating someone that looked at one of the fixers funny.

Though the game is much more playable than it was at launch, Cyberpunk 2077 still has a myriad of problems. Not all of them are bugs or glitches.

First and foremost is the driving. Most of the cars handle terribly. The turning circle on bikes are far too wide. Whenever V slowed down to turn, the entire vehicle seemingly drifted on its side. After 70+ hours of gameplay, I also learned that there was a handbrake option (but even this wasn’t very effective).

The second major gripe I had was the melee combat. More specifically, the fist fights. They were probably the worst aspects of the game that I had to suffer through because all of V’s opponents had huge health pools and hit like trucks. None of it was fun and I probably should have grabbed some eddies to throw the fight against the final contender.

Still, misgivings aside, the story of Cyberpunk 2077 left me with much food for thought. When I had initially looked up the separate endings, I was of a mind to simply hand V’s body over to Johnny. The more I played, however, and the more people I met (such as Judy and Panam), the less it seemed a viable choice when I reached Mikoshi. Much like a few of my friends, it seemed right that V ally themselves with the Aldecados. They might have been amateurs compared to Rogue and Johnny, but if I was going to attack Arasaka Tower, I wanted my V to do so on their own terms. Without the old guard stepping in. In my mind, their time had come and gone. It was V’s time to step into the limelight and to do what needed to be done.

The choice to stay with the friends V had made along the way also felt right. In my playthrough, V wasn’t exactly afraid of dying, per se. They were afraid of being rewritten. After all, who isn’t afraid about their core essence being taken over? Change can be hard but seeing one’s decline so quickly and knowing that you won’t be yourself anymore can be even more terrifying than a quick and clean death.

And even though I couldn’t give everyone a happy ending (please forgive me Takemura-san and Hanako-sama), I tried to do what was best for the character that I embodied.

In fact, my playstyle was quite different from how I usually tackle these open-world behemoths. The truth was no longer such a simple thing to dole out. Looking up the epilogues and resolutions of many quests, it felt like trying to be the paragon and do-gooder would only net my clients a world of pain. This was particularly true with the end of the Peralez quest line and how best to proceed down the slippery slope of brainwashing and political puppetry. 

While Cyberpunk 2077 is no longer the disaster it was when it first released, I still felt as if the game wasn’t quite finished. As if CD Project Red bit off more than they could chew with the title. The joy and warmth I felt in The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt is lacking in this neon-drenched science fiction world and I’m not sure if that was because of the direction of the game or the fact that it was rushed out of the door. 

Don’t get me wrong, there are still parts of Cyberpunk 2077 that are great, but if the game was a person, they’d gone through Soulkiller and their engram was implanted into someone else’s body.

May be an image of 5 people
May be an image of 1 person
No photo description available.

2020 Redux

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

Many thought 2021 would be different. For most, COVID-19 was very much in the rear-view mirror with vaccines rolling out and the possibility of international travel without some form of quarantine dangling in front of us. Unfortunately, variants would stall many plans to reunite with loved ones. Barring the pandemic, a lot of other systemic issues rose to the surface. Ones that would throw into stark relief the lines between the haves and the have nots. 

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s start from January, shall we?

With Joe Biden’s victory in the polls, I assume there were plenty in the United States of America were hoping for a peaceful transition of power. For four years, they had lived under the rule of a tyrant. One that only served to fan the flames of dissent rather than try to mend the rifts inherent in a broken society.

Despite his attempts to obfuscate the truth and declare the results invalid, it was not to be. Fuelling the anger of his loyal supporters, he had them storm the US Capitol. Politicians and their aides ran and hid for their lives as rioters tried to stop the counting of the electoral votes.

There were even threats of a civil war brewing in the heart of the once mighty beacon that was the United States of America. To add to the heartbreak, assaults on elderly Asians began to increase as blame was placed squarely on China for the spread of COVID-19. Shootings returned and one, in particular, struck close to home – seeing six Asian women shot dead..

On Wall Street, chaos reigned when hedge fund managers attempted to short GameStop stock (the parent company behind Australia’s Electronic Boutique or EB Games for short and Zing). Instead of their stock numbers tumbling down however, savvy everyday people managed to prop up the ailing brick and mortar company, upending the dominance of white-collar elites.

Elsewhere, in Hong Kong, the pro-democracy faction capitulated. Unable to stand against the might of pro-Beijing and the threat of invasion, many of those that had hoped to keep alive the hope of a ‘two system’ governance were either ousted from office or willingly chose to step down.

A coup in Myanmar upended the long sought after democracy as military leaders took control of the country. Even after several long months, the country remains in turmoil.

On the topic of famed individuals, Prince Philip passed away and there was the very public divorce of Bill and Malinda Gates.

Then, of course, there were the delays caused by the Ever Given getting stuck in the Suez Canal. Many a meme was born, although there were also plenty of gripes as products were delayed.

This was especially difficult for those that desired electronic goods such as new fridges, cars and the latest consoles from Sony and Microsoft. Computer chip shortages meant that it was a test of speed when it came to humans and bots – with many individuals failing to snag a shiny new console to play on.

In April, COVID-19 cases began to surge again in India after a series of celebrations. With it came the emergence of the Delta variant. It soon became the new dominant strain, even managing to sneak into Australia and seeing both Melbourne and Sydney shut down for almost four months.

After enduring a harsh winter storm in February down in the state of Texas, the USA also faced fuel shortages due to a cyber attack. But not even other countries were exempt. Although unrelated to what happened in the US, the UK also saw a brief stint of people clamouring for petrol as the ramifications of Brexit rolled out.

Even if these were minor blips for most people, outrage was never far behind. Women marched in both Australia and the United Kingdom despite COVID-19 still being ever present. Why, you may ask? Equality. In Australia, particularly, there were multiple allegations of sexual assault that were committed in the centre of Government. Australia’s Attorney-General, Christian Porter, was also named as the alleged perpetrator.

In May, hostilities escalated into open conflict with Gaza and Israel. In Jerusalem, both Palestinians and Jews contested the rights to the city.

Not to be outdone, the latter half of 2021 saw the Haitian president assassinated; the jailing of a previous South African Prime Minister; devastating floods in Germany and Belgium, as well as in the Henan province of China; the Taliban retaking Afghanistan; shallow graves of Indigenous Canadians in many churches that purported to look after them; an earthquake very close to Melbourne; coup in Sudan; conflict and tension in Ethiopia; protests in the Solomon Islands; and Lebanon’s continued national crisis after the explosion back in August 2020. 

That was not to say it was all bad news. The Tokyo Olympics went ahead in July and I, for one, was delighted to hear the video game music that was used during the opening ceremony. Hearing pieces from Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, the Tales of series and much, much more made me extremely excited and my mum was quite startled to see me jumping up and down in front of the television exclaiming at each piece I recognised.

In Australia, we saw the reopening of my home state of New South Wales. Unfortunately, it also came with the stepping down of one Gladys Berejiklian due to her possible involvement with Daryl Maguire. Dominic Perrottet stepped up to the plate and after a few false starts with the rise of the Omicron variant, reinstated masks and check-ins. 

As for the matter of GOP26, many found it less than groundbreaking. Promises were made. But none deviated much in the current targets when it came to climate change and global warming.

From a personal level, life has remained much the same as it has been. 2021 barely differed from 2020 and even though it’s nearly the end of another year, I still find myself thinking that it was the year before. So many things have happened and yet it also feels like nothing has happened. Trapped at home, there has been little variations between the days.

2022 is fast approaching and yet I can’t help but feel that it too will be marred by a pandemic of stupidity that helped see a deadly virus spread across the entire world. Still, only time will tell. Let’s hope for smarter decision-making and a focus on long-term goals rather than selfish and individualistic short-term gains. 

A New Frontier

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

With the state of New South Wales reopening after a lockdown that lasted almost four months, it was a relief to enjoy a weekend away from home. Unable to take leave because of how last minute the trip was, and the fact that I might have ended up as a juror to a court case, I watched impatiently as the time ticked towards freedom. Once the time ticked over 3:30PM, I shut down my computer and picked up my overnight bag before hurrying down the stairs towards my car.

As this was a delayed trip, which had initially been planned for July, I also had several presents to drop off for my friends. A dice bracer, a mimic chest for dice and Villainous, the board game.

To entertain myself should there be nothing of note to see in the Hunter Valley region, I even packed my Nintendo Switch and a few easy to pick-up card games including Gloom, Cthulhu Flux and Sushi Go. Unfortunately, as things would pan out, I would not have the time to play any of these games. But, in my defence, it always pays to be over-prepared. One never knows what could happen and being able to whip out a deck of cards.

My first stop was at Drummoyne to pick up a fellow pilgrim to regional New South Wales. The traffic was horrendous. At almost every set of traffic lights the colour that I saw was red. By the time I had picked up my friend and had got to Eastwood, to transfer our items into the back of a BMW SUV, I’d been on the road for more than an hour.

Despite these minor hiccups, the trip to Singleton was fairly smooth. It was a quarter past seven when we arrived at the Quest accommodations. The rest of the travellers deposited their bags before we jetted off to an Airbnb where the majority of our large travel group would be staying for some light dinner and conversation.

And although I had intended to stay at the Airbnb, situated on a quiet suburban street in the town of Singleton, the single rooms on the far end of the house screamed haunted. The doors to the rooms had a gaping hole where a doorknob should have been. One room had a boarded-up window that could serve as a shrine for possible demon worship. The other looked less troubling but the headboard for the bed clearly belonged to a child.

Not wishing to be murdered in my sleep by vengeful ghosts, I opted to stay at the Quest serviced apartments instead.

Our first day of adventure was supposed to have us tour the Hunter Valley markets. Unfortunately, due to high winds, they were cancelled. Instead, our motley group of seven couples and three single individuals (of unknown status on if they were to ever mingle) headed for the Hunter Valley Gardens. Though the price was a little steep, many of us took our time to wander along the pathways as we took in various interpretations of infamous garden archetypes. There was the Indian, the Chinese, the Oriental, Italian, Rose, Formal, Sunken and Border.

May be an image of flower, nature and body of water
May be an image of 2 people, nature and tree

Tucked away in the back, of course, there was also the Storybook Garden. Given our meanderings along the lake path, however, I did not witness the glory that was the Storybook Garden until we returned later in the day to witness the Christmas Lights (set up in NOVEMBER! HOW DARE THEY! CHRISTMAS SHOULD ONLY BE CELEBRATED IN DECEMBER! AND NO SOONER!)

By the time most of our crew had surveyed the gardens, it was time for lunch. To Harringan’s we went, with a small pitstop at Hunter Valley Village to take a peek at the British Lolly Shop and a present for my one-year-old nephew (well, actually my cousin’s son. It’s just easier to call him my nephew).

Once our grumbling stomachs we sated, it was a race to see who could visit the most chocolate and cheese factories around the region in as efficient a manner before we were expected back at the Hunter Valley Gardens for the pretty lights.

With my new compatriots (I did a lot of hopping between cars), it meant another trip to the British Lolly Shop before we made our way to the Smelly Cheese Factory. But while I like to think of myself a purveyor of cheeses, it was clear that I was out of my depth. Probably because the only cheese I ever really eat is cheddar with a slap dash of cream cheese when I want to feel fancy with my smoked salmon sandwiches.

Besides, who would eat my cheese? Almost definitely not my grandmother. Or my mother.

Chocolates, on the other hand, were a much easier sell. And when we stopped by Cocoa Nib, I bought a box of bonbons in the hopes of sharing it with my work colleagues as a reward for being such good sports about playing ‘Guess the Musical Theme of Disney/ Movies/ TV Shows.’ When you’re a bit of a pop culture nerd, it’s hard to know what other people might have watched or seen. After all, when one of your work colleagues tells you that they’re obsessed with Disney, how could they NOT know all the songs to Pocahontas, Tarzan and Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride.

They were lucky I didn’t go MORE obscure.

Unfortunately, the bonbons didn’t survive the drive back down to Sydney the following day. By the time I got home and unpacked, the chocolate had melted to the plastic and I knew that I couldn’t present them to my work colleagues in the office. I mean, how shameless would that have been? Hey, thanks for putting up with my shenanigans, here’s some melted chocolate that doesn’t even look nice as it did before.

No thanks. Don’t want to be that person in the office.

Of course, being the prepared person that I am, I was not content with one possible gift. And so, at the next chocolate shop, I went and bought a few more gifts. One was ostensibly for my mother (soft nougats), but because of what had happened to the bonbons, they were used as a replacement.

Finally, wallet sore from the abuse, we made our way to another cheese factory close the gardens. We commiserated with the other members of our huge group before heading back to the Hunter Valley Gardens.

Words don’t quite do it justice, so here are plenty of photos that I took during my time there.

May be an image of 4 people, outdoors and tree
May be an image of 3 people, outdoors and tree
May be an image of outdoors

Sunday was a bit of a hurried affair. After we had finished packing and stowed everything into the car for the trip back home to Sydney, it was off to Audrey Wilkinson for some wine tasting. As someone that does not like the taste of alcohol, the experience was fairly lacklustre. At the very least, I got to sniff each glass. A sommelier, I will never be. Though I don’t really see the appeal too much.

Once everyone had their fill of wine, we had some additional free time before lunch at Oishii. Picking a non-drinking group, we somehow found ourselves in Cessnock. Although we had intended to visit a second-hand book store, it was not to be. Rather, on our trip to get away from the hubbub of the city, I found myself in a local EB Games, purchasing Death Stranding for Seto Kaiba. Not that I’m complaining, but it seemed a little redundant to have ended up at a games store when the trip was all about wine, cheese and chocolates.

But what surprised most of my fellow travel companions was the fact that I had not played Death Stranding. I know that I’m considered the ‘gamer’ of the group, but honestly. Does it look like I have the time to play through every major blockbuster that comes through the pipeline? Am I even interested in all the triple-A titles that major corporations attempt to push at us?

Regardless, once our brief shopping trip was done, it was back to Oishii and some additional wine tasting before I managed to snag a seat on a car headed home.

Thus ended a whirlwind weekend of good company, some decent food and a plethora of memories with those closest and dearest to me. As Australia starts opening up (both internal and external borders), I do very much hope getting the chance to stretch my wings and visiting a few more places that definitely deserve a second or third look.

May be an image of nature

Control State

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

So, the other day, I just finished editing my terrible thriller story and I’ve been uploading it to FictionPress and Wattpad. You can find me on FictionPress as scattered.wind, whereas my handle on Wattpad is the same as the one here.

As is tradition, here’s a sneak preview of the story – presenting the first chapter:

Zitao yanked the USB stick out from the computer as soon as the transfer was complete. As he set about deleting the files that he had accessed, he glanced at the time displayed on the screen and swore under his breath. Too long. It had taken far too long. He glanced over his shoulder towards the closed door. No-one there. He was still good. There might be time still to do what needed to done. Even though, at any moment, security might realise what he had planned and stop him.

One way or another, he would leak the information out.

If he had any doubts before, they had all been wiped away when he had watched the videos on the tests that had been carried out in secret. They had gone too far – corrupting the one thing he had poured his heart and soul into.

His best bet would be to smuggle the USB drive out to an outspoken media outlet that wasn’t scared of treading on corporate and government toes. It would not be easy. As soon as they found out what had happened, his life would be forfeit.

That thought, above all, was hard and difficult. Zitao knew the path he had chosen would be hard. After all, it was the path not often taken by others. He could have been just like them: turning a blind eye to the atrocities that were being conducted in plain view. It would be understandable. After all, he had a family.

But to do such a thing was anathema to his morals. And he did not want his kids to grow up in a world where such things were possible.

He reached for the pistol he had tucked into the waistband of his pants when he heard the door open with a creak, heart hammering in his chest. Fear coursed through him as he whirled around and raised the gun. Had he run out of time already? Zitao tightened his grip on the trigger. He had never fired a weapon before. Or taken a life.

The guards, however, did not know that. Most of them carried batons and tasers, their equipment akin to crowd control when it came to unruly protestors. They would not have the equipment to take down armed with more firepower than their fists. He could use that to his advantage.

This was a truth he refused to have buried.

“It’s me, Zitao,” said the man, arms raised. “I saw the alert come through. Luckily, I was on camera duty and saw you enter the laboratory. Let me help you with whatever this is.” In the light of the computer monitors, Zitao recognised the buzz cut and the small cleft in the man’s chin and lowered the pistol.

He sighed and ran a hand down his face. “Why? They’ll only kill you too, Jiemi.”

“I know you, Zitao. Whatever it is, you’re trying to make something right. I want to help.” There was a frank earnestness in Jiemi’s voice. And it broke Zitao’s heart to hear it.

Zitao shook his head, knowing this his friend didn’t understand the ramifications of his actions. Not yet, at least. “You’ll only be painting a target on your back,” he said as he headed to the opposite door from where Jiemi had entered.

As he reached for the handle, Jiemi caught his wrist. “I owe you everything, Zitao. Were it not—”

“Enough Jiemi! The longer we spend talking here, the more likely I’ll be caught.” Zitao entered the pin and waited with bated breath for the light to go green. The door clicked open.

“I can run interference. Say that a mistake was made,” continued Jiemi, following behind. “I can fix this.”

“No. You don’t understand, Jiemi. These people are dangerous. This isn’t like the games we used to play. You’re too blind to see what they’re doing.  And I do now want you to throw your life away. That’s why I’m doing this.” Zitao felt a lump form in his throat as he looked over his shoulder. His friend would see that his actions were necessary. In time. For now, Jiemi was still a cog in the machine. Ignorant of the truth as so many others were. “If you really wish to help me, tell my wife and kids that I love them. Will you do that? For me?”

Jiemi’s brow furrowed as he looked for an answer. It made him appear much older than his thirty-six years. Zitao knew it was unfair of him to ask so much of his friend and ask him to choose between his clear desire to protect and doing the smart thing.

Still, it was better that Jiemi not know the truth. Not yet, at least. Because the less Jiemi knew, the less of a threat he would be. And that was one life Zitao did not want on his conscience. Jiemi seemed to realise that as well. “Okay,” he finally said, though it was clear from his tone that he was still conflicted. “You should be able to make it out undetected if you take the stairs. It’ll take them a while for them to remove your access. Good luck Zitao.”

“Thank you.”

Zitao did not look back as the door shut behind him. This was the right thing to do. His choice had been made the moment he had snuck down into the research and development wing. But he’d be damned if he dragged more people in. This was his fight.

Taking a deep breath, he gathered his thoughts. He had a job to do. He sprinted down the hallway, aiming for the emergency stairwell. Behind him, alarms began to sound and bright orange lights started to flash. He had run out of time.

Curious voices sounded from the rooms that he passed. Zitao ignored them. When he reached the door that marked the fire stairs, Zitao burst through and raced up them, two at a time. By the time he had reached the third landing, he was puffing heavily. God, how he hated stairs. Yet, to go back would serve no purpose. Not after what he had done.

The sound of his footsteps echoed uncannily as he ascended the metal staircase. He paused after every five flights of stairs – sometimes to catch his breath, but mostly to keep his ears perked for the slightest sound that would indicate pursuit. But, whether Jiemi had been persuasive enough to afford him a window to escape or that they had set up an ambush near the exit, Zitao did not hear the tell-tale patter of footsteps hurrying after him.

So, he climbed. One foot after the other. Even as his thighs began to burn and a stitch formed in his side.

Once he finally reached the top, Zitao pushed open the fire door and stumbled out into the night air, gasping for breath. He kept one hand on the pistol, ready to be pulled out at the slightest sign that he had walked into a trap.

No-one was there to greet him. It was like he had stepped into an alternate world. Had he slipped past them? Given that there had been a security breach, it was also possible that Lau had sent them all to R&D. It didn’t matter. Zitao knew he needed to act fast. Once they realised what had happened, they would be after him. Lau would see to it. She had always been vindictive. There was little doubt in Zitao’s mind that she would relish the chance to put a bullet through his head or condemn him to a fate worse than death.

After catching his breath, Zitao jogged towards the gates on the far side of the facility. Next to it was a security station, manned by at least one guard. Zitao wasn’t entirely sure how he would be able to convince the guard to open the gates and allow him to leave. He had never been one to go out into the nearby town for drinks or games of chance. Besides, driving out at this hour, with the alarms blaring throughout the entire compound would be considered suspicious.

He needed a plan. Someway to convince or distract the guard inside. But the situation he now found himself in was far beyond anything he had anticipated.

The other viable option was to hold the guard at gunpoint and have them force the gate open. The thought of having to use the gun, though, left a bad taste in Zitao’s mouth. The gun he had, though real, was only meant to be as a last resort. He didn’t want to shoot anyone if he could help it. Even threatening to shoot someone felt like he was crossing a line that ought not to be crossed.

Perhaps, then, it would be better for him to wait it out and retreat to his rooms. Zitao felt for the USB that he had hastily stowed in his jeans pocket. He had only one copy of the information. If something happened to him and they found it, everything he had done would have been for nothing. If he transferred the files and uploaded them to the internet, it wouldn’t matter what happened to him. As long as the truth came out…

On the other hand, the dormitory would be the first area for them to look for him. He could be killed or, worse, captured and turned. Zitao came to a stop just before the security station and cradled his head in his hands.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

He was just a scientist. A researcher. One that had hoped to make a name for himself in the scientific community. Dominus Hominum Industries had taken advantage of that. They had blinded him by providing him an offer that he could not refuse.

Had it not been the email he had received a month ago, Zitao knew he would have continued to remain voiceless – too frightened to reveal what he knew. There had been moments over the last few days when he cursed his own curiosity.

Still, it was not in his nature to turn a blind eye. He had known for a good long while that the project that had been his dream was being used for something he had no oversight over. Never in his wild imaginings had he thought it possible that Lau would stoop so low. To remain ignorant of the vile things being conducted, in his own name, and not only in the branch in Heilongjiang but elsewhere in the world…

Of course, he had been sceptical at first. As one of the men that had worked on the technology, he knew its strengths and limitations. But the more he had dug, the more he had uncovered. It had been surprisingly easy to find the news stories that the email had alluded to. What had tipped the scales had been the records and files he had unearthed in the archives of long dead hard drives.

Was it a risk that he chose to blow the whistle on the gross misconduct and corrupt business practices of Dominus Industries? Yes. But he had no choice. Not when he had been confronted by all the things he had seen.

As he dithered between the options before him, Zitao looked up and took in the view of the research facility that had been his home for nigh on seven years. He had poured so much energy into the company, believing in its mission. Within days, his hopes had come crumbling down.

What was a man supposed to do?

Before he could come to a decision, he noticed movement near the emergency stairwells. In moments, guards poured out. All of them were sporting assault rifles. He watched as two of them peeled away in the direction of the laboratory as the rest made a beeline towards the guard station near the entrance. Zitao felt his palms begin to sweat and his mouth suddenly dried.

Had they spotted him? He ducked under and considered the shift in his current set of options.

He knew then that his own life was forfeit. It did not matter if he managed to leave the compound. They would find him. No matter how far he ran or how well he hid. Worse, he had consigned his family to death as well. They would be the collateral if he did not cooperate. If he wanted to make a difference, he needed to make as many copies as he could and distribute them to as many outlets within the short timeframe that he had.

Zitao cut across the yard toward the dormitories, keeping to the shadows as much as he could. Narrowly, he missed being caught by a patrol. Heart thundering in his ears, he finally reached his rooms. He did not know what to expect when he opened the door. If they knew it was him, it was likely that they had men waiting.

To his surprise, Zitao discovered that all of his belongings had been untouched when he flicked the switch for the lights. A feeling of unease settled in his stomach as he looked around his rooms.

Best for him to hurry, then.

Plugging the USB into one of the many slots that decorated the front of the massive tower, he waited for his desktop computer to boot up. The seconds passed slowly until finally he was requested to input his password. Zitao did so. And then waited for his profile to load.

Why was it taking so long? Each moment that passed only served to heighten his fear. Impatiently, he tapped his finger against the desk.

Scenarios flitted through his head. Each one worse than the one that came before. Would they come rushing through the door and shoot him on sight? Or would they use him as an involuntary test subject? Zitao shuddered at the thought of losing all that he was and becoming another mindless drone. Time seemed to stop as he considered the next possible outcome. What if he were one of the unlucky few? His mind scrambled and his body a drooling husk.

And what about his family? His wife and the two girls that he would leave behind. Zitao felt the tears prickle at the corner of his eyes. He did not want to leave them. Not before he could give them one last goodbye…

With a concerted effort, Zitao pushed those thoughts away as he began the arduous process of transferring the files on the USB to his hard drive. It was better not to think on such things. Not when the future was so nebulous and unknown. Instead, he had to concentrate on what he could do. That meant revealing the truth to any and all that would listen. As the files transferred, he began constructing information packets to be sent out to anyone who would listen.

~

It was an hour later when they came for him. By then he had hidden the USB flash drive and had disseminated countless copies to anyone, whether they were bloggers or journalist, who would listen. Zitao wasn’t entirely sure if everything had gone out. His computer was linked to the network. There was every possibility that all of his hard work had been for naught. But that did not matter as he stared down the barrel of the assault rifle pointed at his face.

“You’re too late,” he said. Dredging up as much defiance as he could, he spat up at the man that wielded the gun. It splattered against the face-shield. Better that he be shot than suffer the indignities of having a mind that was not his own.

Zitao only wished he could have seen his family one last time. He drew upon what he remembered. The small curve of his wife’s lips, the tinkling laughter of his daughters. He smiled grimly up at his oppressors.

One of the guards menaced him again. There were two stripes on the uniform pauldron. “What did you do with the information? Where have you hid it?”

Despite the threat, Zitao kept silent. If this was the best that Lau could do, perhaps there was still hope after all. Besides, he already knew the outcome. Why delay the inevitable?

“You’ll never find it. Nor will your corporate masters. The truth is out there.”

Another guard stepped forward. Zitao could not make out the features of the man’s face behind the visor he wore. But a shiver went down Zitao’s spine as he heard the cold ice in the man’s voice. “Then you are of no use to us.”

He barely felt the bullets rip into his chest. The pain that blossomed afterwards also felt strangely muted as he was flung over his bed. As his consciousness faded, Zitao briefly wondered if it had all been worth it before his thoughts turned again to his family. He desperately prayed that they were safe and that his actions had not needlessly put them in danger. But most of all, he hoped Jiemi would tell them that he went down fighting for what was good and right in the world.

Without Sacrifice

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

Considering the huge amount of games that caught my eye were released in July and September 2021, it took me a while before I was able to sit back and enjoy Tales of Arise, the latest game in the franchise that began (at least for me) with Xillia back on the trusty PlayStation 3. How the years have flown by. When the game was first announced, I was excited. It had been a good long while since I had played a Tales game and I was excited to see what a new generation engine would bring to the role-playing series that was up there with the likes of Dragon Quest, Final Fantasy, Atelier and Legend of Heroes when people ever discuss Japanese role-playing games (JRPGs). So, once my other commitments were done and dusted, I began my journey into the world of Arise.

May be an illustration

The opening scene held a lot of promise. Two worlds. An invasion. Three hundred years of dominance from an alien (but still humanoid) race. And then players were thrust into the shoes of the amnesiac Iron Mask, a slave forced to mine for fire in the realm of Calaglia.

Already, I could count off the number of tropes that were already being employed and my initial enthusiasm waned. It wasn’t long before Shionne was introduced, a cold and aloof woman that was on her own journey to collect the Master Cores. Why she had decided now was a good time to travel to Dhana and how she travelled to Dhana were never properly explained. Yes, I’ve seen theories that she might have been a stowaway with other transportation from Lenegis, but according to Dohalim, no transports are usually sent down when the Crown Contest is underway. Had she arrived seven years ago and only now decided to make her move?

Regardless of these plot points, Shionne and Iron Mask meet, leading to a slew of situations that have the amnesiac hero firmly on the path to throw off their Renan oppressors and join the resistance.

Much of the first half of the game was centred on the collection of the Master Cores from each realm. Iron Mask, or Alphen, as he later recalls in the first battle with one of the Lords, joins up with each respective resistance group and then they plan to take down the respective Lord to collect the Master Core. Along the way, they accrue a motley crew of allies such as Law, Rinwell, Kisara and the clueless Lord Dohalim. It was a very one-note rinse and repeat process. Even when it seemed Dohalim was a Lord that would listen and serve as an ally (I mean, it’s right there in the opening credits), there was still a battle with the erstwhile Lord as he suffered a mental break once he discovered the truth behind the Fruit of Helgan.

Threaded throughout were themes of racism and the cycle of hatred that comes from when one country/ race/ planet comes and dominates a group of people for an extended period of time. Given the current political climate, it serves as a great way to acknowledge something that has impacted millions of people in our world. Yet Alphen and his team are also unable to find a solution. Slavery and segregation are an indelible part of America’s past. Subjugation of other races in Canada and Australia are also reminders that these things are not long forgotten and should not be hand-waved away.

As with most things, it takes time. To right the wrongs. To educate others on culture and country. To break down discriminatory practices in our institutions and make things equal. But most important, we also need to learn to forgive and move-on. It won’t be easy but dwelling on past hurts mean that humans might forever be trapped in a violent cycle of vengeance. As is oft quoted, ‘an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.’ 

No photo description available.

The second part of Tales of Arise shifts the story a month after the climactic battle with Vholran in Ganath Haros. Despite impaling the man with the Blazing Sword, Vholran’s body has vanished and the people of Ganath Haros are slowly starting to break away from the conditioning that made them subservient slaves to their ‘Sovereign.’ It is here that the story, at least in my eyes, falters.

Once Lenegis launches ‘The Wedge’ to drain astral energy from Dhana and into Rena, it is soon revealed that not even the Renans quite know what is going on. In fact, they, too, are pawns for the machinations of a much more frightening force: the Helganquil. The real aliens behind it all.

Yes, the Renans weren’t actually Renans. They were genetically modified Dhanans. For how long the Helganquil have done this is not known but it must have been several years if many Renans did not know their origin and had managed to develop their own society on a satellite stationed halfway between the two planets.

But then, of course, the Helganquil weren’t acting from their own free-will. Indeed, they too were also being controlled by the Great Spirit of Rena. A layer upon layer of servitude.

While I can understand what the developers were trying to go for, the execution of many of the plot points were left wanting. Particularly when it came to Alphen’s foil: Vholran. In a few reviews I’ve seen, Vholran has been likened to Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII. But while they may have similar traits on a surface level, our antagonist here has little depth. There is no personal connection besides his undying hatred for Alphen and need to be superior. He isn’t enigmatic or creepy.

There could have been a lot more potential for Vholran, and perhaps if the plot centred more on a personal connection between Alphen and Vholran, I might have felt something more than apathy to a plot device that could have been written out and replaced by any deus ex machina or left-field God figure.

It’s fine if an evil person is just evil for evil’s sake but Vholran wasn’t even menacing. He was just annoying.

Zephyr, on the other hand, was much better handled because of that personal connection and the time we got to acquaint ourselves with the leader of the Calaglia resistance. That he was the father of Law and that his death helped motivate and explain the backstory of one of the other characters served to elevate him to almost playable character status.

May be an image of text that says 'Take heed, Dahnans, and engrave this edict into your souls: Such fools' right to life in Cyslodia shall be forfeit.'

And while many of the characters fell into typical tropes found in many JRPGs, I couldn’t help but still cheer a little for the romance developing between Alphen and Shionne. in fact, it seemed like all the members of the party had their perfect counterpart, though the prime focus was still on the man that could not feel pain (until he later could) and the woman that hurt everyone she touched because of her thorns.

It was because of them that I managed to finish the game and watched, with a smile on my face, the ending credits.

Tales of Arise also changed up a lot of the combat. A lot of the control schemes I was used to in the previous titles had to be relearned. Circle was jump, R2 was dodge (I mean, seriously…who makes R2 dodge?), and early on, enemies seemed eager to knock Alphen or Shionne out in two hits. It took some getting used to but I was finally able to wrap my head around the system and begin enjoying my time with the game.

I can’t say that it’s my favourite battle system, and the AI definitely needs some work if I ever want to conserve the use of items, but it was serviceable enough to defeat most of the enemies.

There is one other issue with Tales of Arise and that is the presence of micro-transactions in the main menu. While I never gave much thought to it, I know many people online thought it was intrusive and actually gave the game a negative review on sites such as Steam.

While I would not rank Tales of Arise that high on my list of favourite Tales of games (that place belongs rightfully to Tales of Berseria), I still had fun with the game. Thankfully, the game is also shorter than most entries (which was both a disappointment and a relief), which seemed to be just right. For too long, JRPGs have sent players on endless fetch quests with the item that the characters need for plot progression hidden in an incredibly long dungeon. Yes, it helps to level the characters, but tedium does tend to set in.

Tales of Arise also tries to address a few things but never quite pulls off the deeper discussions that are needed. To be fair, the Dhanan revolution is very much in its infancy, whereas our current problems have been festering for a lot longer without a good solution in sight. And while slavery may not ‘exist’ nowadays, the same old mistakes keep getting made. Let’s hope that it won’t take a millennium for humans to see beyond an ‘us’ versus ‘them’ mentality.

And yes, I did give Alphen bunny ears.

Oh, and Kisara is bae. That is all. I will not be taking any further questions at this time.

May be an anime-style image of one or more people
May be an anime-style image of 2 people
May be an image of outdoors and text that says 'have no use for forgiveness. The strong shall alwaystriumphhere. triu always'
May be an illustration of 3 people and outdoors

#Notall20and30yearolds

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

With restrictions lifted for Australians in the states of New South Wales and Victoria, there has been something near and dear to my heart that I wanted to get off my chest. For the past two years during the pandemic, the media has constantly put the blame for the spread of the virus on the young. Supposedly, all Millennials and the older Zoomers have been out and about, partying and going to clubs when we should have been staying home. Were it not for our selfish desires of meeting up with friends at local cafes (and buying expensive avocado on toast – thereby preventing us from saving up for a house deposit), perhaps COVID-19 would have petered out with nary a sniffle among the elderly.

Well, this Millennial introvert wants to say that the whole argument is bullocks!

As we all know, the Millennials were the generation that ushered in a new golden digital age. We were the pioneers of messaging apps, from good old MSN to Skype to the slew of new additions of Discord/ Signal/ Whatsapp/ Viber/ what have you under the sun. After all, have we not been told off for our constant use of social media? Twitter, FaceBook, Instagram, Snapchat, Tiktok? None of which would need us to engage face-to-face with other people. It is a revolution in how people interact with each other. For the first time in human history, people can treat others as a random username on the internet. The tags some pick might be personal, but there’s always the chance that we’re interacting with a bot. Quoting Queen, “Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?”

When Pokemon Go was released five years ago, scores of Millennials were staring at their phones as they ventured (sometimes for the first time) out into parks and public spaces to capture Pokemon. We are the generation that are have technology glued to our hands. We can’t get enough of it! Our Baby Boomer parents are constantly chastising us for having the phone at the dinner table when they’re not asking us to help them send them a text.

Who needs to meet a new person in real life when we can just send sexts to them over Tinder? Who needs to meet up with friends when we can just have a Discord party? Certainly not me. I’m very comfortable living within the confines of my house and only ever venturing outside for the occasional social occasion every three hundred years.

Heck, I haven’t even been to a nightclub! And why would I need to when I can jam to all the music I want at home and act the drunken fool in my own living room? 

What even is human connection?

I mean, I’ve read about it in books and seen it play out in television shows, but what does it actually mean in the context of real life? Given our current obsession with the latest bingeable shows on Netflix, who even needs friends when you can develop a parasocial relationship with YouTubers and actors that I will never actually get to meet in real life?

Honestly, what would best friend Barry ‘The Flash’ West or Captain Peggy Carter say? And have you heard about Sang-Woo? He graduated top of his class! And just because they aren’t real doesn’t mean that they can’t be my best friends! I’ve seen them in only a few episodes but I’ve never had such a deep connection with anyone else! How dare you suggest otherwise! 

We share all the same interests and maybe I don’t have super powers, but whose to say that I won’t suddenly develop superhuman abilities?

Beyond the excellent points that I’ve made so far, it should also be clear that I am not the only introvert in the age range of 20-39. And like all introverts, I would have stayed home and never done anything dangerous as to go around to social gatherings. I did my part of wearing a mask and washing my hands and just not talking to anyone in general when I could simply message them from afar. So, the idea that I would be out and about, spreading a virus is absolute crock! How dare other people lump me into a category that I have no business belonging to!

And, to be perfectly frank, written communication is so much better than actual real life conversation. You can edit and think about your responses! You won’t have to suffer the consequences of poor phrasing or allowing something that is not politically correct slip through!

So, to everyone that would blame those aged in their 20s-30s for moving around and not taking the health orders seriously, I say nay! From my experience as a Millennial, all of us are introvert hermits that live in our mother’s basement. Some of us play games, others read smut fanfiction, and a lucky few do both. None of have known what it is like to interact in the real world because we are constantly doomscrolling through our newsfeed and mouthing off on Twitter and the like.

Besides, while everyone wants to believe that the young frequent music festivals and nightclubs, as a Millennial that has been to neither, it’s very clear from my limited experience that these are all lies meant to paint a terrible picture of my generation.

Now, how can I get senpai to finally notice me?

Tag Game – You’re It!

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

So, there’s a tag game on Tumblr and I was tagged by @tinbramble back in October, and since at time of writing, I’m still struggling through Tales of Arise…here we go. Honestly, this is a bit of a surprise. Didn’t think people would actually want to learn more about me. But anyways, thought it would be a good way to get to know a little information about a random blogger on the Internet.

Favourite colour(s) – editing this because I’m gosh darn Australian and refuse to kowtow to American spelling: Most shades of blue. Forest green. And a few shades of orange.

Currently reading: At time of writing up this short post? The Six of Crows duology. Definitely prefer it to Shadow and Bone. I’ll probably be reading some classic literature by the time this goes up. Or Matthew Reilly’s The One Impossible Labyrinth. I’ve come this far for Jack West Jr. and gosh darn if I don’t finish this series even if I feel like the writing isn’t for me anymore.

Last song: Some video game soundtrack. I think my spotify was on some generic but epic movie trailer music. 

Last series: At time of writing, I’m currently still watching How to Get Away with Murder. if it was the last one I watched, that would be Star Wars Visions. By the time this goes up, probably the third season of You. And then Squid Game afterwards. I’m very late to these kinds of things. Too many things to do and not enough time.

Last movie: Midway through Wonder Woman 1984. The one I finished was Black Widow. I’m pretty basic, I know. 

Sweet, savory, or spicy: Sweet and savoury are my go-to types of food. I’m trying to build up spice tolerance…but it’s very low on my list.

Currently working on: Quite a few things, actually. By the time this post goes up, I hope that I’ve finished editing Control State and will be uploading it piecemeal to both FictionPress and Wattpad. 

Fingers crossed I’ll also have finished a short story: Splintered and have moved on to writing a sequel to Wild Child. The working title for the sequel is Toymaker and I have the idea of a plot in my head. Of course, the Idana and Lacet series is envisaged to be about 4-5 books. But we’ll see what happens. ANY PUBLISHERS OUT THERE THAT WANT TO REACH OUT? Please feel free to contact me! I know I should be doing my own research and writing a pitch and all these other things but I lack confidence!

(Honestly, if someone could just do all this for me, that would be great…)

Then, of course…I have ideas for a dystopian urban fantasy…a story inspired by Snow White (mostly rewritten, but I have such a fantastical world all imagined up)…fantasy Walter White…a sci-fi that I think has interesting lore, but have yet to figure out a solid plot throughline…

The list goes on. 

Guiding Souls into the Afterlife

On By kyndarisLeave a comment
May be a cartoon of 1 person, standing and outdoors

There was something special about the game that immediately drew me to it when I saw the first trailer drop on the internet. Perhaps it was the charm that the Rot displayed or maybe it was the Pixar-esque animations. Whatever the reason, I knew that when Kena: Bridge of Spirits released, I would be one of the first to snatch it up. Albeit, given the pandemic and how quickly the Delta strain ripped through Sydney’s largely unvaccinated population from late June until sometime in October (when the vaccine rollout finally got some steam), it was via a digital medium rather than securing a physical copy.

As the game starts, two screens of text explain the role of spirit guides in the world. It’s enough to give a bit of flavour and understanding to Kena’s role, even though it sorely lacks a motivation or direction for our erstwhile protagonist when I stepped into her shoes inside a dark cavern and was confronted by a masked man that warns Kena to stay away.

Goals, diametrically opposed, they engage in a brief skirmish with Kena stepping away as the victor. Up ahead, sunlight peters through an opening. Stepping through, Kena finds herself in a forest and spots two children trying to draw the attention of a woodland creature. Spying her, they flee and Kena uses the opportunity to befriend her first Rot companion.

In many ways, the plot of Kena: Bridge of Spirits is a simple one and is reflected in the missions and gameplay. As with many action platformers of old, Kena is stymied from reaching her goal of reaching the mountain shrine. Instead, she is forced to help other spirits before she can realise her own. The spirits in question are Taro, Adira and the village chief Toshi. As always, the rule of three applies. Before she can help each spirit, Kena is forced to collect three relics that belong to the spirit in question, and which explain their love, fear and regret.

These moments helped connect Kena to the spirit. It also helped shed some background about what happened to the village and the struggles each spirit faced. These helped flesh out the contained world of the village and its surroundings. In this way, it was easy to sympathise with the spirits regarding their plights just before death: famine and disease, the loss of a loved one…

While it is not exactly explained how they became corrupted, it was clear that the spirits of Taro, Adira and Toshi could not easily move on – whether that was the guilt of not being able to protect their siblings, abandoning a loved one that was still out in the great unknown or watching the village that you led fall apart at the seams.

But, while the narrative was simple enough, it was the combat encounters that truly surprised me. When I first saw the game, I thought it would be a stroll in the park when it came to difficulty. Enemies would go down in a few hits. Bosses would have a gimmick that would be dependent on the latest upgrade to Kena’s arsenal and could change it up on occasion. I also thought that the game would be forgiving when mistakes were made. And that there would be plenty of opportunities to heal.

I was somewhat right. If you played it on Story Mode.

No photo description available.

On Spirit Guide or higher, though, Kena: Bridge of Spirits was a different beast when it came to combat. Each boss encounter had me scrambling out of the way as I tried to figure out how best to take them down. Most of the scraps, I left with barely a sliver of health.

All of that changed when I had to fight Corrupted Taro for the first time. Again and again, Kena would be unfairly battered before I even had the chance to do much of anything in the second phase of the battle. Finally, out of sheer grit (and taking advantage of the fact that I could briefly stun the enemy if I did not blow up the Rot weakspot on his shoulder), I managed to down him.

Unfortunately, my luck would not hold. By the time I came to Adira, I was tired of getting my butt handed to me. There were simply too many things to keep an eye on. I capitulated. My pride meant nothing if I could just breeze through the combat without having to contend with a quarter of my health being decimated with one blow. Or that the healing flowers only restored a smidgeon of Kena’s health bar. And there were only TWO, maybe THREE, in a given encounter.

Why was this game, which looked like it was aimed at children, so nefariously difficult on just the ‘medium’ setting?

If there was another difficulty setting between Story Mode and Spirit Guide, it would provide a better balance between the two. And if there were more opportunities for Kena to heal, that would also be great Ember Labs!

As for the world itself, I found it quite quaint. It probably shouldn’t have surprised me but as I entered the game world with little to no expectations, I was taken aback a little by how much Asian influence had informed the game. These included character names and the small fox shrines everywhere. And while there is no in-game explanation for the iconography, I thought it was a nice touch that helped flavour the village that Kena found herself in.

An article I read by Gamingbolt highlighted the exact extent of the South-east Asian influence on the game. In particular, Balinese culture. This is particularly prevalent with regards to the music, which were informed by the Cuamani group. I appreciate the fact that the composer reached out to them to try and incorporate their type of music into the game in a respectful manner and which served to elevate the game.

There is a lot to love in this game by Ember Labs. Though short, it had all the ingredients to create a wonderful world – one, in which, I was glad to lose myself in for several hours as I tried to collect everything from Rots to the hats that they can wear (and there are plenty. In particular, I find the cowboy hat adorable for my little Rot friends and the mushroom cap and the fishing hat and…). While the game leans heavily on tropes and there isn’t anything that breaks the norm for these games, it was nice to harken back to a simpler time when games didn’t seem like open-world slogs or were live-service.

My one other complaint, beyond the notoriously difficult boss encounters, is that Kena would often stutter when running around. Research on the internet informed me that this was possibly due to the game loading the next segment of the game world but it had me fearing for my DualSense Controller. Was it drifting? DID I NEED TO REPLACE IT? But given the fact that it happened regardless of whichever direction I pointed Kena in, and was never consistent, I was reassured that it was the game. Probably.

May be an image of outdoors
May be an image of 2 people and outdoors

Touching the Rainbow

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

After the rollercoaster that came with the first Life is Strange entry and the adventure across America that came with the second, I was interested to see how the next game would pan out with an empath in the lead. Though the developers behind True Colours were Deck Nine and not Dontnod, I went into this new title with excitement. Finally, I would get to play as someone that looked like me. Black hair. Brown eyes.

Better yet, they also had to contend with a gender-neutral name. Although, with Alex, hardly anyone ever assumes your gender like they do with mine. Growing up, it’s been hard to have people ask me why I have a ‘boy’s name.’

May be an image of 1 person, standing, outdoors and text

And while we may not have had the exact same experiences growing up, it was a relief to play a game through the lens of an Asian American (although I’m Asian Australian) trying to make their way through the world. Best of all, no high school drama! This time, Alex Chen is properly adult and trying to carve out her own little place is something I could immediately connect to. Even if Gabe and her never exchanged one word of Chinese.

Plus, Life is Strange: True Colours also saw the return of fan favourite Stephanie Gingrich. Who was I to turn away a music-loving and overall nerd considering it’s a label that I’ve also had to grow into as a mass consumer of video games and wannabe dungeon master for a non-existent Dungeons and Dragons campaign (it’s all right, Kyndaris…you can revive it after this lockdown is over)?

True Colours starts with Alex enduring one last session with therapist at the Helping Hands. After the death of her mother, her father abandoning the family and her brother ending up in juvenile detention, she has had to scrape by in the foster care system. For years she has endured the humiliation of never being picked for adoption. Over her life, she has run away countless times, couch surfing with friends, occasional lovers and simply looking for a way to survive in a world that’s far too loud. These are made especially clear in the text messages found on Alex’s phone.

Unlike the previous protagonists that were able to manipulate time or were granted telekinesis, Alex is initially portrayed with the curse of empathy – able to feel people’s negative emotions. So, it comes as no surprise that she shies away from people and can’t deal with crowds. The escape to Haven Springs to be with her estranged brother: Gabriel Chen feels like a fresh start in many ways.

The first chapter served as a great way to introduce all the characters and helped build up the bond with big brother Gabe. My Alex was eager to reconnect but also shy in the face of meeting new people. She was blunt and unafraid to speak what was on her mind: like calling Ryan a dork, while also being quick to sell Gabe out to give cute local mountain man a leg-up in their friendly rivalry.

Best of all, she could shred a broom guitar amongst the very best.

May be an image of 1 person

Though I entered True Colours with my heart set on Steph, I soon found myself enticed by Ryan’s charm. Perhaps Deck Nine was banking on Before the Storm nostalgia, but during that first playthrough, Alex barely had any interaction with Steph besides picking an album being played before scurrying away into a corner when the radio DJ stormed out of the record booth, on the phone about a LARP. It was Ryan that immediately noticed something was wrong and who sold me Gabe’s order that was on hold.

How could I not fall for the guy that had ordered a CD about bird calls?

Even on the journey up the mountain to find Ethan, Charlotte’s son and Gabe’s pseudo-stepson, Ryan was there. When Typhon detonated their explosion despite the fact that there were still four people within range of the blast, Ryan was there. And when Gabe was struck by a flying boulder and toppled over the edge, it was Ryan who made the hard call to cut the line lest Alex perish as well.

I wanted to hate Ryan for that, but in the second chapter, it was clear that the poor golden Labrador of a person was consumed by guilt and his own self-hatred. As he and Alex talked it out on the clifftop, I couldn’t condemn the poor sweet boy.

That was probably when I fell hard for Ryan Lucan, son of Jed (owner and proprietor of The Black Lantern, as well as local hero that had set Alex up out of the kindness in his heart) and mountain ranger. The Mounties will spot a goose grave from 100 paces indeed.

Chapter Two was also the one where I discovered I had a knack for solving the scripted emotional encounters set out in True Colours. Helping Steph as she reminisced about the good times that she shared with Gabe was cathartic in its own right. Plus, I got to goad her quite a bit before my inevitable loss in Foosball (it was also good that I could cut loose with a zinger and not immediately regret that it was the bad dialogue option. Honestly, have writers ever heard of sarcasm or just trying to mess with people?). These moments were great ways to explore Alex’s power as well as make her feel seen. Every time I denigrated my powers as a curse, the other characters would lift her up. That positivity was empowering because it helped cut through the negative chatter rather than forcing a worldview upon me. For that, I respect the writers behind the game.

One of the most hard-hitting questions I faced though was telling Riley about her grandmother’s memory problems. While I wanted to tell Riley the truth, I also realised that it was not my secret to tell. Eleanor would have to tell her granddaughter in time. For now, when she still had use of most of her faculties, it seemed better to abide by her wishes. Besides, I liked to think that just because I never told Riley in-game, it was a secret that would be revealed later when it was necessary by the characters. Haven Springs was such an inclusive town, with everyone looking out for each other, it was highly doubtful that Eleanor would be left out in the cold even if she was suffering from Alzheimer’s.

But it was in Chapter 3 that I really felt immersed in the world. After Ryan and Steph became a part of Alex’s Scooby gang (and summarily revealed that they only shared one braincell between the two of But it was in Chapter 3 that I really felt immersed in the world. After Ryan and Steph became a part of Alex’s Scooby gang (and summarily revealed that they only shared one braincell between the two of them), I went full-in on the LARP. Alex’s hesitance to either wear the dorky bard hat/ take her precious guitar out for a spin was one of the most relatable moments I’ve ever experienced in a game. Also, when she told both Ryan and Steph that their plan to seduce Diane, an employee of Typhon, needed additional work-shopping truly was a key highlight of the game. It was a stupid plan and I cannot believe that Alex had to use it to steal Diane’s USB stick.

Honestly, there needed to be an option to end up with BOTH Steph and Ryan.

And the fact that Ryan played all the enemy encounters! He was so cute as a snake, hissing and playing along with Ethan…quality future husband material right there. I just…my heart…

Beyond that, I also took immense joy in requesting Steph’s hand in marriage in exchange for one of the precious jewels Ethan and Alex were seeking on their LARP quest. Reading her thoughts and seeing the shimmer of gold around her was enough to know that I made the right choice in that regard.

Then, of course, there was the boss battle with Jed! As I already had the reveal of his treacherous colours revealed to me as I was reading through a few comments, I liked the use of foreshadowing that Chapter 3 bestowed. The king that had sent Thaynor and his bard friend (played by Alex) revealed himself to be the actual villain of the piece. I loved how Ethan’s enthusiasm for the game took hold and immediately swept Alex up into the fantasy of it all. The final battle, held in an abandoned castle truly felt epic.

May be an image of text

This, unfortunately, was swiftly followed by another hard decision with Charlotte. As someone that has lost someone dear to them, seeing the depth of her pain and anger was frightening but understandable. Humans grieve. And occasionally, we blame others – no matter how unfair that blame might be. In the end, I could not take away Charlotte’s anger because it was a part of who she was and she needed to feel those emotions and accept them.

In fact, taking away anyone’s emotions did not sit right with me (although I had to do this with Pike. It was either that or sign an affidavit that would have forced Alex to drop her investigation into Typhon and THAT was something I simply could not do. Or, at least, viewed Alex would not do). They are what make us who we are. Over the years, I’ve been told many times that I shouldn’t be ‘angry’ or ‘sad’ or ‘miserable’ or ‘depressed.’ That, instead, I should try and be ‘happy.’ But how can one be happy without processing and acknowledging my other emotions? Nobody is positive all the time. To squash out my very valid feelings would only be detrimental to my health.

It’s okay to cry, sometimes. Heck, it might even be okay to cry most of the time when life’s pressures feel like they can be too much.

Maybe I just need a Ryan or Steph in my life. Or even an Alex that can help cheer me up when I’ve grown tired of trying to prop everyone else up.

Speaking of which, the fact that Alex serves as the negotiator between the bad blood between her brother and her father (in the past) is also something I could not help but draw comparisons to. Lockdown has been hard for everyone and my grandmother and mother seem unable to understand where the other is coming from. It’s been tiring trying to be the one to bridge their misunderstandings. Worse, it means that I sometimes can’t articulate my own frustrations without them staring at me as if I’ve grown three heads.

Alas, it seems I’ve gotten on quite a tangent.

Back to Chapter 4, which was one of the better chapters when it came to Alex dealing with the shit Ryan and Steph probably pull on her on a daily basis.

May be an image of 1 person and text

This was the chapter that also helped solidify who I wanted to romance. Ever since the first chapter, I wavered between Ryan and Steph. Did I pick Ryan, the good boy that would do anything for his friends as he thumped his tail on the carpet? Or would I go with Steph, the cool and confident nerd that I wished I could be? In the end, I went with Ryan. He was the one that I could see would have a fruitful future with Alex. He represented stability whereas I had the sense that Steph had only been in Haven Springs for a short time and was possibly looking for adventure in some place new (which was fine, but it made me wonder if they would forever remain in a relationship).

Everything was starting to look up, especially after the performance at the Harvest festival that Ryan and Steph had sprung on Alex (and which she would have totally killed them for) that the encounter with Pike left a bitter taste in my mouth. And when I went to Jed for comfort (being the father of my possible romance partner), I was surprised that he bloody shot Alex and left her for dead down a MINE SHAFT!

To be fair, if this was the real world, it was likely that Alex would be dead after such a fall. At the very least, she would have been severely injured and her glasses would have been completely useless. True Colours being a video game, her glasses remained ON HER FACE AND PRISTINE! Never once did she ever have to search for her glasses after she had survived a fall that was about fifty metres.

The game would like to convince me that it was all pure adrenaline…but that’s such utter nonsense. Nobody would have been able to dig her way back to the surface and then walk who knows how long to get back to town. But that confrontation with Jed and his sins was one of the best things a video game has ever gifted me with. In the end, I forgave the man (though I was still righteously furious that he had SHOT me Alex). And, to be frank, that forgiveness was probably what broke him after denying the loathing he had carried for twelve years.

It also hurt me that I had destroyed Ryan’s image of his father. After reading up on the myriad of ways the confrontation could go, I could understand why Ryan would be hesitant to believe anything bad about the man – even if it was from a girl that he had kissed the night before and had entered the local tavern with dried blood across her brow and sporting a mean limp. Even though I had everyone else in town sticking up for me, or advocated for my trustworthiness, I would have understood if Ryan had stepped back.

His father was everything to him. Hero, outstanding father and supportive parental figure. It’s hard to have everything you thought to be true shattered and it hurt my heart to see Ryan trying to grapple with the enormity of the allegations.

But trust Alex, he did. And I was immensely grateful for that support.

True Colours provided an excellent story and managed to carry it well until the end. If I hadn’t been spoiled of the twist, Jed’s betrayal would have probably cut more keenly than it had. He was a man that I had respected the moment Alex had first him. Much like his son, he was friendly and helpful. People make mistakes. His was a bad call that resulted in the loss of seven lives. But after so many years and after all the goodwill he had fostered, it didn’t seem right that I condemned him for the actions of so long ago (though I’ll still bear a grudge for the fact that HE SHOT ALEX!).

By the time I had my last conversation with Gabe’s ghost up on the rooftop, and the pretty picture he had painted of a life in Haven Springs, I was eager to take a break from the small town that had helped give Alex purpose, a home and the possibility of a future. It is my head-canon that my life in Haven, as described by Gabe, would be waiting for Alex after she had returned adventuring across the wider globe.

After all, who needs to settle down at just the tender age of 21? Certainly not my Alex, who was still trying to sort out a few things, but who had also discovered a talent for music and helping others. Haven Springs was to be her home. And gosh darn it, where can I find a nice place like Haven Springs with a himbo to call my own?

Still, even though the game never had Alex or Gabe or their parents speak Chinese, I liked the elements of their culture sprinkled throughout the game. The shrine dedicated to Gabe with incense and oranges to the cookie tin that was filled with sewing needles and thread (the truest East Asian experience as long as that cookie tin said Danish butter cookies). And I’m fine with that. Why, I hear you ask? Because throwing in a few random Chinese words would not have added much to the game’s narrative. And though I felt it strange that Alex’s race was hardly ever raised, this was a theme that was already explored in Life is Strange 2.

May be an image of text that says 'Look Cookie Tin ALEX Mom's old sewing kit. Don't think 've Û ever even tasted butter cookie.'

~

As for the DLC, Wavelengths…hoo boy, let me tell you of all the trouble I went through just to play a short few hours of downloadable content!

It should come as no surprise that Stephanie Gingrich was one of my favourite characters from Before the Storm. As I’ve stated previously, I liked her confidence and that she could so effortlessly lean into her passions – whether that was being a GM or her taste in indie music. So, getting to play a side story as she navigated her first year in Haven Springs was a great way to learn more about her character.

From the start of the DLC, it was clear that she might have bitten off more than she could chew when she agreed to get interviewed for the gig at the local radio station. But she aced that interview with aplomb (and gosh, I wish I could emulate that on even my best days) and was finding her way around a switchboard and all the gear that had been left behind.

While Wavelengths doesn’t rise to the heights of the narrative found in True Colours, it was a great character study for a fan favourite. During my time with it, I liked learning about the woman that I had first met in Arcadia Bay and then discovered anew in Haven Springs. Just like with Before the Storm, I got to see more facets of her character that were barely touched upon – such as the trauma of the deaths of Chloe and Rachel (I saved the Bay) coupled with the crimes of Mr Jefferson. I even got to see more of her flirtatious side, and dictate it a little, with my interactions with Fiona (who later came out as trans and was thinking of changing their name to Quentin) and Vi, a biker chick, who I had swiped right for on a whim.

Then there was the return of Mikey. The few games that she played with her old friend were a great way to harken back to when players got to first meet Steph and it was nice to see a familiar face.

Beyond that, the nods to Critical Role, something else I have a great passion for (there’s a whole history behind me watching a group of nerdy ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons and Dragons and it all begins with Felicia Day and The Guild), were a great highlight. Keg and Reani being dating options I could swipe right for were excellent nods, considering both of them slept with Beauregard.

Unfortunate, indeed, that I didn’t notice a Beauregard or Yasha option. I need more disaster lesbians in my life!

Still, I am eagerly awaiting the release of The Legend of Vox Machina on Amazon and, at time of writing, am also impatiently anticipating Campaign 3. I can’t wait to see what Matthew Mercer and the rest of the gang will bring to the table.

May be an image of 1 person, screen and text

~

Overall, my time with True Colours and its Steph-centric DLC Wavelengths, were excellent additions to the stable of Life is Strange games. In fact, they might be one of my favourites out of the whole series. I fell in love with ALL of the characters and there was something refreshing with the fact that the main protagonist wasn’t in high school and trying to protect someone else. This was a game that wasn’t afraid of asking hard-hitting questions that weren’t all about death or impending disaster. That levity, perhaps, is why I think the game shines so much for me given everything that the world has endured these last couple years. Here’s hoping that Deck Nine or Dontnod continue in this vein and keep pumping out these weirdly wonderful games that have curated such a loyal fan following.

Also, if Jane Douglas and Luke Westaway (from Outside Xbox and Outside Xtra, respectively) could discuss this latest entry, my bingo trifecta would be complete.

May be an image of text
May be an image of text that says 'Gabe, Ryan, Charlotte THINGS DO Dude you're always down for nature documentary Ju Park, you dip! HELLO Introduce-yourself Ifonthemie Soon as wanna put Use-computer's-Auto-D) Read ads Takea Take Ryan They don't have feathers! Where are their feathers, Gabe? NOTESTOSELF Charlotte Oh god this again lol BACK EXIT'