Tag: dating

Settle for Me

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

It’s not often I go on dates during the holiday season. The reason should be obvious: most people put a heavy emphasis on such dates. After all, these dates are mostly for family, friends and…loved ones. But when one is still getting to know another, a heavy significance can be put on the periods between Christmas and New Years. So, when I told Dikottir that the Darkfield experiences had returned to Sydney (after he’d gone to several earlier in the year: Seance and Flight), he was eager to cross another one off his list. And he didn’t want to wait until after the holiday season to do so.

Thankfully, I did have a few days off between Christmas and New Years and could join him in one such experience: Coma. Although, I had a feeling he’d only chosen Coma so he could find a place to lie down for a good thirty or so minutes.

Not realising Darkfield would only be on at night, Dikottir and I initially planned to meet up for lunch. It was only when Dikottir was perusing tickets, and only finding sessions from 6:00 PM onwards, were we able to deduce these were evening-type events. Thankfully, I was able to message Dikottir before he’d left his apartment and we rescheduled our initial 11:00 AM start to 5:00 PM (wherein a rainstorm drenched Sydney in between).

Dikottir managed to spot me at Kinokuniya despite the fact I’d cut my hair short because of my iconic red jacket – the one I got during my trip to Egypt and Turkey back in 2023. As I waited for him, I’d perused the shelves of the bookshop before picking up one of the latest volumes of Monstress to while away the time. Once the initial greetings were done and dusted, Dikottir and I strolled down to Pitt Street Mall where he did some shoe shopping at the local Footlocker (and to use up his gift cards) by getting a new pair of black Asic joggers.

And while I had wanted to get a few new pairs of shoes (I ended up going to the Birkenhead Point shopping outlet), there wasn’t any styles I liked.

From Footlocker, we wandered down to the Lego Store. We had a brief exchange about Agatha Christie and the twists she incorporated in many of her mysteries, even as I ogled the Orient Express Lego set. And perfect for any person with an obsession for trains.

Not that I have one, mind you. Instead, I fell in love with the NASA Space Shuttle. Although, of course, the Lego Store in the city didn’t have it in stock at the time (I’d pick it up later in January at another store). Our visit to the Lego store went a little long and before we knew it, we were legging it over to Barangaroo. Of course, Dikottir deferred to my superior sense of direction and we arrived there without too much hassle.

But what to say about Coma?

Coma had us clamber into bunk beds inside a shipping container. What objects we did have, we put at the foot of the bed. There was a white pill one could ingest to heighten the experience. And there was a set of headphones (which had the volume on way too loud for my delicate sensitivities).

Once everyone had settled and either taken the while placebo pill (or not), the lights dimmed until all one could see was inky blackness and we were lulled by the audio descriptions we could hear.

While the experience wasn’t terrible, I suppose some of the illusion of being in a coma was shattered by the fact I could still move around if I so chose. And this was heightened by my state of discomfort of how I’d arranged my belongings at the foot of my bed (and that I was forced to sleep directly on my back).

For the most part, though, Coma wasn’t too bad as it narrated a few events and also primed the brain for several scents that were funnelled through a nearby vent on the right side of each bunk. My only complaint would be the loud buzzing at the end, which proved to be far too loud and irritating.

I have sensitive ears. I jump at loud noises. It is never good to have loud annoying buzzing near me.

After our Darkfield experience, we strolled back towards Barangaroo and the food options found therein. In the end, we settled for Ume burger and chatted jovially about the state of the world and the partisan nature of Australian politics.

Why does it always feel like our political parties are at each other’s throats? Why are they so unwilling to make concessions for the betterment of the people? Honestly, I feel as if most of the major parties treat each other like exes who really enjoy having hate sex because it’s the only way they get off with each other.

There just doesn’t seem to be any middle ground.

In any case, after the date with Dikottir, I returned home and began to ponder if after three dates I could see a future with him. But while I didn’t have butterflies fluttering around in my stomach at the thought of him, Dikottir was also inoffensive. We shared quite a few similarities. And if we were marrying not for love, I didn’t feel like there would be anything wrong with me choosing him as a life partner. The two of us would probably just end up doing our own things and then come together only when needed.

Plus, he had a decent job, seemed to have a good relationship with his parents, and he had a delightful dog that he liked to share pictures of. What wasn’t there to like?

And yet, this was not the romance I’d been sold in the stories and movies over the years. Quite literally, there was no ‘spark.’ No Anne Hathaway’s lifting of the foot a la The Princess Diaries. Although, to be fair, we haven’t even reached the stage of holding hands.

But the real question: do I want to hold hands with Dikottir?

Is this what non-ace/aro people feel compelled to do?

I mean, I did wonder what it might be like if he were to hold my hand but my brain couldn’t quite fathom what would happen afterwards. Would he then hold me in his arms and I’d ‘drown’ into his chocolate brown orbs?

Yes, I know I’m being facetious now but every time I ask someone what it’s like to fall for someone, I don’t get anything definitive. Just ‘oh, you’ll know it when you feel it.’

In any case, I’ve left the door open for future dates with Dikottir. He seems to be the strongest candidate so far. And I suppose I could so far worse. Now, if only I could get any sort of warm fuzzy feelings to start in some way or another because neither of us deserve to just ‘settle’ even if it would be a practical proposal.

Now, if only I could enter a 1920s black and white dance number with Santino Fontana.

Ice to Meet You

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

After changing my preferences to women, it’s been much harder to meet new people. Unlike men, women are more secure about who they are. Or they just don’t use dating apps as religiously. In any case, my profile didn’t receive much in the ways of ‘likes’ and even when the two of us mutually decided to ‘match’ and chat, inevitably, they would stop responding after one or two exchanges. And given how ambivalent I am to the whole dating scene, when the conversations die off, I’m not all that ruffled. Instead, I just move on and try my luck elsewhere or sink a few more hours into a game.

In fact, in most conversations, I’m more reactive rather than proactive in my questioning. It’s hard for me to garner curiosity for someone I don’t really know. Especially because I’ve already learned from a young age not to dump on others about my niche interests. Or asking anything too nosy. Most of the time, these things come out in their own time. I’m a great listener, after all, and I tend to file away any and all scraps thrown my way.

Honestly, it’s just easier for everyone involved for me to sit back and observe the person opposite me as they rant and rave about what they like. But also, I just find it very hard to interrupt others.

Despite all this, I managed to have a meet-up with Eivor! That’s their codename because in one of their pictures they were dressed as a viking. Unlike all my other dates, this time I asked them for a meet-up (something I honestly hate doing), but considering she was the one who suggested adding each other first on Facebook Messenger (so she could send me pictures of her pets), I bucked up the courage to arrange a face-to-face meeting. After all, I’m an independent 31-year-old woman who don’t need no man!

[As an aside to all this, I’m still occasionally chatting with Dikottir. So, maybe I do still WANT a man? Who knows.]

And honestly, it was better that I took the initiative. Elsewise I might even now be waiting for someone to ask me out. Or to have someone reach out to me to invite me to an event.

It’s why I’ve bitten the bullet so many times in organising catch-ups with my work friends. For if not me, then who?

While books and video games are very important to me (and make any description of my weekends sound very boring – at least to me), but there’s something about maintaining my social connections that also resonates with me.I can’t live in my head forever. And being chronically online would also be terrible for my mental health. I mean, what if I fell in with the wrong crowd that enabled all my worst traits? Or who I could compare my self to and think: yes, I’m far more normal than they are and so my mental health isn’t flagging despite the fact I had a psychotic breakdown leading to hospitalisation for a week (if that’s sounding very specific, it’s because it is and that’s a whole other story to tell).

Anyways, long story short, Eivor and I had chatted for a while. I learned she was into sports and thought going on an ice-skating trip would be a bit different to all my usual first-dates at cafes. I arrived to the rink early. Unfortunately, Eivor was running a little late as she had chosen to save a little on money by doing an Uber Pool. But once she did arrive (and after I’d done a few rounds on the rink in the skates the Ice Zoo provided – which were more hockey skates than the blue skates usually handed out), we chatted as we circled the rink.

Mostly, it ended up as Eivor asking me more questions of me than I her. But given the amount of children celebrating their birthdays there, and the music, it wasn’t exactly the most conducive environment for a chat.

I learned she had a brother and was homeschooled. That she was often told she was quite ‘normal’ for not going through the usual curriculum when it came to learning but she was thankful her mother allowed to explore the subjects they were interested in. Including getting involved in a robotics competition run by Macquarie University. Something that sounded so cool to me and I hate myself for not asking more about it.

Unfortunately, being homeschooled meant she didn’t have an ATAR to allow her easy access into a degree. Eivor told me she had to sit for the SAT and when she was finally admitted into tertiary education, the one major difficulty she faced were standardised exams.

And honestly, so true! Standardised tests are the worst. They don’t even test anything practical about a subject – merely how well you might have crammed the information into your head the night before. It’s a complete and utter joke and doesn’t demonstrate one’s actual knowledge.

Once our ice-skating session was over (in which I embarrassed myself by trying to do my usual T-stop on the skates but being encumbered by a weighted penguin, resulting in me overbalancing and falling on the ice), we had a simple affair of chicken nuggets and chips at the cafe located at the rink. Although I did offer Eivor a ride to another suburb or a restaurant close by, she refused.

Which, honestly, is fair.

We were strangers and for all she knew, I COULD have been a serial killer (spoilers: I’m not. In fact, I’m always in fear of my own life when I go out on dates. Beyond that, she was taller than me and could probably deadlift me if she so chose.). It doesn’t help that so many of my friends have written into their wills that if they were to vanish under mysterious circumstances, I’d be to blame.

I should work on stamping out such baseless rumours. Permanently.

It wasn’t the best food to have. And it didn’t fill me up at all considering this was supposed to be lunch. Nevertheless, I didn’t want to pressure Eivor into anything and had let her take the lead. From there, we investigated the nearby antiques store. RIGHT as it began to sprinkle down heavy drops of RAIN!

Given I lived in one of the neighbouring suburbs, my mind instantly turned to the LAUNDRY I had painstakingly washed and hung out to dry (thankfully, it was still quite a warm day and when I got back home to check, they weren’t as wet as I thought despite the sudden sun shower).

Antique stores, it should be known, aren’t places I normally frequent. Yes, I visited Dirty Janes in Bowral during the light show back in June this year but old pieces of furniture isn’t something terribly enticing to someone like me. Probably because they aren’t exactly the ancient artefacts I would hope to find in an archaeological dig. The most interesting things I DID see were taxidermy animals and a few Chinese vases. Unfortunately, there were not enough weapons to catch my eye at the exhibit. Now, Dirty Janes had a veritable display of knives to peruse. As well as a few cases filled with butterflies that would have looked delightful.

And so ended my date with Eivor.

Throughout it all, there wasn’t much of a spark between us. Like many of the men, I wasn’t filled with any kind of lustful thoughts or a desire to know as much as I could about her. In fact, I think what I felt was a combination of anxiety (and wishing to impress) as well as mild disappointment.

I had been hoping to be wowed but Eivor was like any person I might walk by on my daily commute to the office. Any curiosity I had remained entirely detached like she was another face in a crowd of thousands.

Similarly, I didn’t feel like she was all that taken away by who I was. Some of that might be my below average self-worth, esteem and confidence talking but Eivor and I haven’t chatted much since the encounter out on the ice. In fact the conversation have all but dried up. So, I suppose it’s back to the drawing board for me.

It doesn’t help that I find it immensely boring to talk about myself. After all, there’s nothing truly exciting about my life (something I was warned not to say to strangers during a one-year-old’s birthday party. Of course, when you don’t know ANYONE at the birthday party and no-one extends a hand to chat with you – usually that’s me actually – it’s a difficult endeavour). But whenever I try to talk about a few of my passion projects, the conversation always seems to jump to another topic.

And given I’m more a Wednesday Addams wallflower than an Enid SInclair extrovert, it’ll probably keep on being the same old story every time.

In fact, I told one of my friends that I think a possible ideal partner for me would be to have an excitable golden retriever chasing after my grouchy cat arse.

But beggars can’t be choosers in the game of love. So, I guess we’ll simply have to see where the next step takes me. Or I can just be satisfied with being single. And honestly? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Cubano Breaks

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

After several unsuccessful chats with men on the app, I turned my Hinge preferences to women only. Dikottir and Game Master managed to sneak past the gate, wherein I went on a few extra dates with them but they have been the sole surviving men who have made it through my exacting requirements.

So saying, Game Master has somewhat dropped off in terms of conversation in recent weeks. Either because he forgot or he’s busy at work or he feels as if the chemistry has petered off and has moved on to someone else.

It…doesn’t really matter.

As for Dikottir, we still chat and he’s always eager to show off pictures of his pet dog. Of course, neither one of us are excellent conversationalists (and we may share personality traits that make it hard for us to be texting non-stop. Possibly because we’re both secure in who we are and don’t feel the need to constant bombard the other person? Who knows. I know there are days where I don’t feel like I have much to contribute to anything and would rather just sit and play video games/ stream a TV show on Netflix).

But while men tend to message almost near constantly, women, are a different beast altogether. Weeks might go from liking a photo before you receive a non-committal response and you don’t know if you ought to introduce yourself or just go into a tangent about a topic of interest.

It’s always a bit hard when I’m shy, both online and in person, when it comes to meeting new people. But once the conversation starts, I can become quite gregarious when the mood takes me. And confrontational too as happened during one of the dinner dating experiences where I met Hong Kong and Jordan.

Anyways, suffice it to say, it’s been hard trying to date women in comparison to men. Although, there have been a few I’ve managed to talk to now.

None of them, of course, being Rad from Good Game because, believe or not, I saw she had a profile on HINGE! And yes, I may have liked a photo in the hopes we could become friends. Alas.

Still, perhaps it’s for the best. How do you approach someone you’ve seen on the internet anyways? And it would just be too weird. Like suddenly realising Natalie Tran of communitychannel fame were to reach out to me and declare that we’re best buds. Of course, that hasn’t stopped me from hoping I’d bump into her on the streets of Sydney one of these days and either hugging her or giving her a chill fist-bump.

As you do.

In so saying, one of my friends who reads this blog has a sister who only knows of the Kyndaris represented here in these words. And it’s a little unnerving when I ponder the possibility of her ever meeting me in person because I’m certainly not as eloquent when speaking in person. Then there’s the fact of my appearance. Honestly, I’m just afraid I’d disappoint.

Anyways, dating!

So, although it’s nearly the end of the year on writing this post, I’ve not actually gone on any dates with women. Yes, we chat, but neither side is willing to take the plunge. And given the fact I’m more of a Wednesday rather than an Enid, it might take a very long time. Unless I gather up my courage and simply ask.

Unfortunately, though, my weekends have been quite packed with a lot of catch-ups with friends and (at time of writing) my poor grandmother was hospitalised after we went to check her failing eyesight at an ocular surgeon’s clinic. And no, it’s nothing serious and she’ll probably have been discharged when this post goes live, but it’s just another burden on me. Coupled with the fact my mum has absconded to China, it’s not been an easy few months.

On the plus side, it won’t be as weird if there IS a connection with a special someone and I decide to bring them back to my place? Not sure what we’d do, though. Maybe they can watch me play video games? Or we could just chat.

So, this isn’t a story about going on a date with someone. This, dear reader, is a story about NEARLY going on a date with someone.

But how can you NEARLY go out on a date with someone, I hear you ask? Quite simple!

In early October, after my road trip with a few friends down to the Southern Coast, I was texting a woman – let’s call her Senorita. We exchanged a chats about mythology, primarily in terms of Medusa and if Athena’s actions were right or not. But while she was of the view Athena turned the woman into a Gorgon in order to protect Medusa, I told Senorita it depends on which version of the myth you read as the legends have been retold over the centuries with a new bent.

Plus, if Athena truly wanted to protect Medusa, why give Perseus a mirror shield to help slay the poor woman afterwards? In any case, the Greek Gods were a contrary lot and trying to understand their motives is an exercise in futility.

From humble beginnings, Senorita then asked if I was more of an impulse-driven thrill seeker or someone who liked to plan things out. The answer, I’m sure, dear reader, you can figure out.

After I gave her my answer, she told me to live a little and then asked if I was free on the weekend.

Unfortunately, I was not as I was catching up with friends and needed some time out after going on a road trip and then getting a hair cut, and then driving all the way to Central Coast to show it off to a dear friend.

So, then, I posed the question if Senorita was free the next weekend. Her response? She was going camping. Which, honestly, was fair.

She did, however, tell me she was free on Friday.

I, however, told her I was going to meet work friends on Friday in Parramatta to check out a festival involving good food, music and entertainment. Senorita, for some unknown reason, latched onto the idea of meeting up afterwards. But by afterwards, she meant about 6 PM, only an hour after the festival would begin.

Given the time constraints, and the fact I’d already agreed ahead of time to meet my work friends, I replied it would be tight but I would see what I could do. I even informed her it might have to be after 6, and perhaps 7, if we wanted to grab dessert or something for a quick meet-up.

Senorita agreed.

On the day, I caught up with my work friends at 5 PM, right outside the train station before we headed further into the festival of ‘Parramatta Lanes.’ Along the way, we admired the stalls, checking to see what kind of foods were on offer. I, of course, showed off my new haircut to their utter amazement as they hadn’t expected such a dramatic change from me.

After heading down the main food street in Parramatta, we headed to the rooftop party at a local carpark. One foodtruck that caught our eye was Kurepu Crepes Harajuku, the most tiktoked crepe! Unfortunately, none of my work friends were eager to join the massive line.

Unsatisfied with the food options available, we headed to an actual restaurant. By then, it was 6 PM and I let Senorita know I was having dinner with my work friends. I even gave her the option of coming over to where we were eating: Coco Cubano or meeting up afterwards. For some reason, Senorita was reticent, telling me to enjoy dinner but not advising if we were going to meet up later.

By the time my work friends and I finished dinner, it was a few minutes after 7. Given I’d given Senorita that approximate timeframe, and with my work friends wishing to depart right afterwards, I messaged Senorita to see if they were keen for that meet-up.

As I walked to my car, I received no reply from the woman. By then, it had been a good thirty minutes since I’d sent her the message and I wasn’t keen on waiting around for someone who wouldn’t reply to me even though I had been giving her clear communication throughout the night, and she had tried to force a meet-up even after I’d told her I was meeting friends.

It wasn’t until I finally got home that I received a message from Senorita over Hinge telling me she didn’t think I’d be able to make it and that she agreed to go to a gig with a friend. She then told me we could reschedule the meet-up (which, honestly, should have happened beforehand with her realising I wasn’t going to ditch my friends over someone I’d only just chatted to on the internet). I wished her luck at the gig and she told me she would.

Since then, we haven’t chatted since although I was very tempted to unmatch her there and then.

What I got out of the entire experience was the temerity of some of the people on the Hinge app. Why force yourself into a night out when I was already seeing my work friends? And then later flake even though I had told you exactly where I was and the approximate time I’d finish?

Utterly no respect!

My eye was constantly on the time but I didn’t want to be rude to my work friends and brush them off.

In the end, though, if given the same choice, I’d pick my work friends every time over a woman like Senorita.

It also soon transpired that Senorita worked Sunday to Thursday. So, if you were available to meet on Friday, dear Senorita, why were you only camping for a day on Saturday? Is it even camping if you don’t do it overnight?

Anyways, it was good riddance to a time-waster.

I’m not sure if the other women I’m currently chatting to will burn me just as bad as Senorita, but it’s the risk one takes by putting oneself out there. At the very least, I’m getting to meet new people. And hey, if it doesn’t work out, I still have my fictional boyfriends/ girlfriends to keep me going. Along with my Squishmellow Snorlax.

Gothic September Moods

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

So, the strangest thing happened when I went to a Big W (a store akin to Kmart here in Australia) back in September. As I was looking for more Lego to add to my possible collection, I couldn’t help but notice certain decorations already out on display. It was so horrifying, I had to express my outrage to a few of my friends in our shared Discord group. I mean, it was only September!

I had wanted someone to come over and slap me to make sure it was all a horrid dream.

No, it wasn’t the fact there were pumpkins, skeletons, witches and memorabilia from The Nightmare Before Christmas. In fact, I gladly welcome the infiltration of Halloween to Australia’s shores – although I wish it could have arrived when I was a lot younger and could go out trick or treating.

No. It was CHRISTMAS decorations! Who in their right mind would start putting out Christmas decorations in SEPTEMBER? BEFORE EVEN HALLOWEEN HAS COME AND GONE?

It makes no sense!

It’s sheer insanity!

And so, to celebrate this horrific event, Game Master and I took the opportunity to go watch a fitting film: The Haunting of Venice starring the likes of Michelle Yeoh and Kenneth Branagh as everyone’s favourite Belgium detective (because, as we all know from the previous post, the best and most awesome detective in the world is one Sherlock Holmes).

Initially, of course, Game Master and I had intended to go grab some Lego brick burgers. Unfortunately, there were only available on select weekends. A novelty concept that would have been fun to try but, alas, Game Master works weekends and didn’t really have time to spare.

As such, we enacted plan B! Go out and enjoy a night at the movies watching Kenneth Branagh ham it up with his terrible accent (it’s debatable if he or Daniel Craig is the worst of the two), and try to solve the murder before movie came to a close.

To my shame, I didn’t quite ‘solve’ it so much as remark how odd that the mother was never truly interrogated as much as the other possible suspects. And the odd push about finding a pot of honey in a linen closet. Truly, such strange details that if I’d bothered to put my thinking cap on would have led me to the actual solution.

In my defence, I was being creeped out by the voices of young girls giggling (which was great sound-mixing by the way because I, initially, didn’t think it was from the movie itself but me hearing strange things). So, props to A Haunting in Venice for making even me doubt my own sanity even as I jumped at the occasional predictable jump scare.

Still, even with the movie, Game Master and I did stop by for some quick Japanese food. While I still felt we could have tried a slightly fancier restaurant for some quality grub, Game Master was keen to return to his university roots and go back to an old restaurant that provided some decent food for a fraction of the cost.

While I didn’t want to begrudge him something comfortable, we were on a DATE. You would think that we might try something a little bit better than just a $10 meal.

Yes, I know the cost of living sucks, what with high interest rates (and as someone with a mortgage, I feel this terribly), and some sticky inflation, and I shouldn’t be complaining but it only hammered home how differing views on a proper night out. It’s almost like going out to McDonalds even though the both of us make a semi-livable wage.

We aren’t poor broke students anymore. We can afford to treat ourselves a little!

But that may be because I wanted to try out some desserts from DOPA.

What can I say? I’ve a sweet tooth.

After the film was over, Game Master and I chatted for a while as we waited for my train. Given that it was a Thursday and a few of the shops were still open, we checked out a few toys and Game Master (much like the second date) bought himself a Gacha toy. Whether or not he considers it a souvenir of our time together is a mystery. What I do know is that he very much likes to collect quite a few featuring cats.

And so, my third date with Game Master came to an end.

Was it a good one?

It was decent. We didn’t end up getting dessert (which I would have preferred) but I still enjoyed my time as we chatted about the economy. I provided a few solid ideas to Game Master on possible social media promotion for his workplace and he also ran through a few of his hopes for his future career.

But the real question, of course, is whether I can see a relationship between the two of us. And I feel like the answer is a no? We could be friends but I don’t really feel anything romantic would sprout.

Who knows. Maybe I need to give it some time.

After all, they do say it takes 200 hours of regular contact to make a stranger into a good friend. So, maybe that’s just it.

As I’ve said before, I’m not someone that would readily jump someone’s bones. And the thought that I’m out here, looking for love, only makes the search harder and more fraught.

Still, on the plus side, I gave Game Master a new franchise to love: The Hercule Poirot films. He’d only ever heard of them before but he seems to have fallen in love with the whodunnit formula. So, yay for introducing a fellow to the art of deduction?

On a completely unrelated note, I CUT MY HAIR! I paid $70 and now my long hair is GONE!

It’s now short! And I’ve got to get used to that fact! Even as I keep doing things that would make sense for a person with long hair, like trying to pull it out when I slip on a shirt or whipping my head forward so I can dry my long locks (which no longer exist!).

Dear readers, pray for this humble blogger as she mourns for her long lost hair.

That is all. That is the only real reason you should ever read this blog. Gaming? Psh. Dating life? Boorrring! Hair shenanigans. Yes. That’s exactly what I know you guys are here for!

Mirror Maze

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

Although there were no immediate sparks between Dikottir and me, we continued to chat on Hinge. Unlike many of the other men I chatted to, Dikttori wasn’t very consistent in his messages over Hinge. Occasionally, a day or two would pass before I’d receive a response from him. Supposedly it was because he’d draft a response and forget to send it through or Hinge would glitch on his android phone.

Whatever the reason, he wasn’t consistently spamming me with messages, which was a nice change of pace because I’m often playing video games or writing up blog posts or editing my stories, and leaving my phone far away from me. Something that most would regard as abnormal for a Millennial, but the only time I take my phone is when I’m dying of boredom and don’t have a convenient book lying around. In fact, my mother uses her phone far more than I do and you can see it in the battery health.

Still, I thought it best to get to know Dikottir a little better. After all, I’m a slow burn type of person. It’s only when I’ve become friends with someone and known them for a quite a while before I start to properly open up.

While they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, I find the opposite holds true when you’re first trying to get to know someone. Shocking, I know, coming from an introvert who never seems to leave the sanctity of the house.

So, when the the PowerHouse Museum featured the Kaleidoscope exhibit, I asked Dikottir if he was interested. This was, after all, the man who had suggested checking out Oh! Bento and who had earlier gone twice to an Air Crash/ Seance exhibition at the PowerHouse.

Thankfully, Dikottir hadn’t been to Kaleidoscope just yet and was open to checking it out. After arranging a date amenable to the two of us, we bought our tickets online separately.

I arrived early to the date, mostly because I needed to roam around the city a little in order to buy a Father’s Day gift for my stepfather. Kyndaris, I hear you international readers ask, wasn’t Father’s Day in June? Well, no. In Australia, it’s celebrated on the first weekend of September. Which was when Dikottir and I went on our date to the Kaleidoscope.

Given the fact that my stepfather and I weren’t on talking terms, I wasn’t certain how much effort I ought to put into present buying. But I knew I wanted to do something better than buying him a pair of underwear like my mother. After all, I’m a pretty observant individual (at least I like to think so) and knew he had an interest in taking photos. Whether the photos he took were good or not, I couldn’t say. It’s not like he showed me.

And it was the easiest of his hobbies to buy for as his ones included playing sport, reading online stories or playing mahjong on his phone.

By the time I rocked up to Kaleidoscope, I’d purchased a cleaning kit and a strap for my stepfather.

Along the way, I stopped by Anime Kaika. From the name alone, it should come as no surprise that the store is where people can anime merchandise. Inside, three Nenderoids caught my eye: Kingdom Hearts III Riku, Phoenix Wright and Miles Edgeworth.

While I was tempted to buy at least one of them, in order to add to my collection of figurines (which, albeit isn’t very extensive), I withheld on the purchase. After all, I am a woman with a mortgage and limited funds. I am, as well, a responsible adult who spends her money on normal adult things. Like groceries, books, video games, books, work clothes, books, video games and other necessary items.

Anyways, after a quick jaunt through the city, I arrived outside the Kaleidoscope exhibit near the PowerHouse museum. It wasn’t long before Dikttori joined me and the two of us entered the mirror maze. Almost immediately, I discovered a trick to help differentiate the critical path and what were a series of reflections: staring at the ground and seeing where the bottom of the mirror was. Dikottir, impressed by my talents, informed me I’d no doubt be an excellent competitor of the hit Netflix show Squid Game or its final survivor.

Something I very much doubted because some of the games played were pure luck rather than skill. And I’d no doubt die in some gruesome manner one way or the other.

Not to mention the fact that I’d probably also be one of the first to turn into a zombie if the world descended into a zombie apocalypse.

After a good thirty minutes where Dikottir and I were thoroughly turned around, we managed to escape Kaleidoscope, taking photos of what it looked like in the daytime and the impressive evening light show.

From Kaleidoscope, we hoofed it to World Square where we enjoyed some Ippudo ramen (it was a cold September night) and chatted about the upcoming Voice referendum (which by the time this post goes up will have ended) and other social causes that we believed strongly in. After filling our stomachs with ramen, Dikottir tried to locate a Thai dessert place. But unlike most men I knew, he was surprisingly terrible at directions, and I had to step in to slowly guide him to Mango Coco.

Unfortunately, the line there was huge so we abandoned our initial plans of dessert and headed for a bubble tea place on George Street instead. As we walked, we talked about work and our lives, before we stopped by a busker playing anime, game and classical music on his portable keyboard.

Just like that, the night was over.

Did I think Dikottir and I were a good match?

Well, he certainly had a decent job and we shared similar sentiments when it came to politics (which, honestly, probably isn’t something that should be raised during dates but there it is), but I can’t say if I felt anything for him beyond the fact he seemed a decent and affable man. Dikottir was certainly more educated than many of the others I’d met and seemed wiser than his thirty odd years.

It begs the question why a man like him hadn’t settled down earlier with a nice girl.

But it also makes me wonder if I am aromantic as well as asexual. Or if perhaps my romantic interests lie elsewhere. Dating women, however, is a difficult endeavour and I’m not sure if I’ll ever find the right person for me to prove or disprove my suspicions.

I know, of course, that I can obsess over people and feel deep platonic care and worry for my friends…but where does one draw the line between friendship and romance? It’s a question I’m still trying to figure out. Which is difficult for me as I always feel like I’m a step behind.

Still, that hasn’t stopped me from shipping Maddox and Ashlyn from High School Musical the Musical the Series. I’m not sure why I started watching the show but it tickles a part of my brain. It’s almost like a guilty pleasure.

And I’ve had many over the years.

After all, why DID I watch all the seasons of Pretty Little Liars and even Ravenswood spin-off? I watched all the seasons of Once upon a Time, too! And Glee!

Gah, why am I exposing myself like this? Forget those last few paragraphs! Strike it from your memory!

The point of this post, and my dating adventures, is that finding love is hard. And while I wish I could know deep in my bones if I like-like someone, I’m the type that will somehow convince myself it was all in my head and switch such feelings off.

Or, perhaps, by the time the year is done, I’ll have fallen head over heels in love with someone and be singing a different tune.

Oh! Bento, My Bento!

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

After a slew of interactions with less than stellar individuals on Hinge, I started to despair whether or not dating was for me and if I ought to put an end to this strange experiment of mine to find a significant other. In fact, after having someone just talk at me about how great Japanese light novels were in comparison to ‘western literature,’ I changed my dating preferences to women only.

Why, you may ask?

Well, I was exhausted by men. And two, because for a while I’ve been questioning whether or not if I wanted a man in my life.

Confession time.

During high school and even at university, I never had crushes on anyone. In Year 8, I was told that another classmate might have had a crush on me, but while I tried to suss out their interest because I was flattered by the fact (although I thought I was toad in terms of the looks department – and I honestly still think I am), I never did get a proper read of his interests and began to doubt the claims made by my friends.

In fact, for a lot of my life, I’ve been told by others whether or not I’ve ‘crushed’ on others. But when I try to explore my own feelings on the matter, I’ve not thought of them as romantic. In fact, romance is a thing I’ve struggled to understand.

How DO you know if you like someone in that way? I’ve certainly never wanted to jump anyone’s bones and the mere thought of engaging in those acts turns me off.

It’s why I’ve often wondered if I was asexual. After watching a video where a YouTuber explained their own personal experience, I’m starting to think I truly do sit on that asexual spectrum.

But men, women or anything in between, that hasn’t precluded me from romancing fictional characters. And in fact, I’ve enjoyed my time with many a great digital construct be that Garrus Vakkarian or Riku or Morrigan. Then, of course, there’s the fact that I ship any and all types of relationships although some of my favourites in recent history has been Imogen Temult x Laudna, Catra x Adora, Kaz xInej, Arenza x Grey and Tifa Lockhart x Cloud Strife (although, I wouldn’t mind Tifa and Aerith somehow becoming a pair in Remake). Of course, I also read some very questionable ships like Jacob Seed x Female Deputy…so take what I enjoy reading with a grain of salt – particularly if it has anything to do with AO3. There’s a lot of messed up stuff on there.

So, don’t read it!

You’ve been warned, dear readers.

Still, it was the trip that I went on in March this year that solidified that perhaps my interests were a little bit fruity. Despite the fact that the woman was married, there was something magnetic about her personality and I wanted to be around her. Sure, I wasn’t going to immediately jump her bones but I did want to know as much as I could about her.

And when I think about a few of the interactions in the past, it’s been the same. I might not have admitted it to myself but during a trip to China camp back in 2008, there was another girl that I really wanted to get to know better. It was somewhat disappointing to know that she was also popular with the boys too, but a part of me wished that we would be best friends.

Did it mean I wanted to be romantically entangled with her?

Who knows. I was unsure of my actual feelings at the time though I knew there was a strange sort of obsession on my part to be a really good friend to them.

But the wider implications passed me by.

I didn’t know if that made me gay or not. In fact, I never truly pondered that question properly until now. Especially when in high school, a friend pretended (or at least I thought they were pretending) to be overly amorous with me and I never felt inclined to return it.

Heterosexuality had always defined my understanding of romance and I never much challenged it until more recently.

In any case, back to my dating!

Before I was unceremoniously kidnapped by a group of my friends for an impromptu road trip down to Canberra for Oz Comic-Con (and thereby proving White Coat correct that maybe I do go to a lot of conventions), I met up with another hopeful at a small cafe in Chippendale called Something for Jess before we toured the Oh!Bento exhibit at the Japanese Foundation.

This man, from a purely objective standpoint, was probably one of the better candidates that I’d met. Dikotter (my code name for him) had a good job as a software engineer, was always intent on self-improvement and had his own interests that didn’t become his entire personality. There was a maturity to Dikotter that I appreciated and found common ground with – especially when it came to our discussions after we toured the Oh! Bento exhibit and Fortress and were sitting at a dessert bar for nigh on two hours.

Dikotter was a man that didn’t just talk at me about his latest hyperfixation or how strange it was that he had such ‘normie’ work colleagues that didn’t understand video games. Rather, he was much more introspective and was able to provide more thought-provoking questions than I’d expected.

In fact, I probably came off as the less intelligent of the pair of us as he asked what I might do if I had access to a billion dollars.

He also respected that I didn’t feel comfortable talking about my job and we somehow ended up on a semi-serious conversation about dictators and the echoes of current China with Mao Zedong’s Cultural Revolution.

Hence the codename.

We had both read Frank Dikotter’s work on modern Chinese history. And that’s not something I ever thought I would share with anyone I’ve met on any of my dates. Most of the time, I’ve had the same discourse on favourite video games as men try to think of something interesting to talk about without realising how quickly they limit themselves by making these things the dominant subject.

So, yes, meeting a fellow intellectual and one that knew how to dress well (or at least not in an unironed shirt and cargo pants) and was good at making conversation/ a lively debate on the pitfalls of socialism/ communism was something I most definitely appreciated even though I wasn’t sure if we had any romantic chemistry.

Does this mean there might be hope for Dikotter? Maybe.

As yet, I’m still unsure where I swing when it comes to pursuing a relationship. Do I actually fancy the fairer sex? I, honestly, don’t know. But I’m also hesitant to commit to Dikotter in saying that we’d be endgame.

A part of that may come from my ambivalence in terms of romantic relationships but I think that if we do become friends, it will definitely be a much more interesting partnership than I’ve known with most except on the odd occasion when I chat with individuals much older than I am and who have a wealth of life experience to draw on for their thoughts and opinions.

The History of Wrong Guys

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

Although White Coat and I had made plans to check out the Bastille Day celebrations at Circular Quay and the Rocks, in the weeks leading up to it I just couldn’t bear to bring myself to keep chatting with him. At least, on the Hinge app. It just seemed like h wasn’t putting in the same amount of effort and then he’d make statements that sounded oddly like conclusions or judgements of who I was as a person. None of which sat well with me.

For example, it just so happened that I went to both Supanova and SMASH this year. Two annual conventions that are the talk of the city of Sydney when they come round. Instead of asking if I go to a lot of conventions, he simply said: you go to a lot of conventions, then. End statement. Nothing more to it.

I know that conversations with men can be obtuse. But I’m sorry? Is going to two conventions a lot in a single year? What IS the definition of ‘a lot’ anyways? True, over the course of 10 years, I’ve been to quite a few conventions. Perhaps one or two each year, which would make the number in the low 20s, but when I compare myself to true regulars of these events, that number pales in comparison.

After all, some people have gone to these events since they were young children.

But you don’t know that, Mr White Coat. From our conversations, you would only know that I went to SMASH and Supanova THIS year. And that I went to PAX Aus last year. So, the number of known conventions I’ve been to, at least to your knowledge sits at 3. Which, by all standards and measurements is not ‘a lot’ by any means.

You can see where I’m going with this.

Worse than that, White Coat simply didn’t offer much in stimulating conversation When, one weekend, he told me of the ‘board games’ he had played with his friends, I queried which board games in particular he had played. His answer? Star Wars Armada. That’s it. That was his sole answer.

He didn’t expand. Nor did he mention any other board games.

I ask you, dear reader, what is a person to make of that?

The more I chatted with him, the less inspired or motivated I was to continue with the conversation. If he wasn’t going to put in the effort, why should I? There was clearly no curiosity and there was naught of worth to talk about.

One scintillating conversation we had before I broke it off was how much he was enjoying his two weeks holiday because he worked at a school and that he’d taken a walk along the Parramatta River.

The other riveting conversation we had was how much he hated being interrupted by students during his many meet-ups and ‘dates’ and the generational gap it came to chatting with his fellow work colleagues when he made a Half-Life 2 reference and they didn’t get it.

In the end, I dreaded the second date so much that I told him in uncertain words that whatever this relationship was between us, it wasn’t going to get past the acquaintance stage. Still, I remained polite and wished him all the best in his future dating endeavours. I simply wasn’t the ONE for him.

Of course, he had to leave with a parting shot that I ought to change around my profile pictures. No ‘good luck Kyndaris.’ Or an ‘I understand but I think you should give me a second chance.’ No, no. Just another negging comment about what my profile picture should be.

Not soon after, I began chatting with another person on Hinge only to unmatch them soon after as they dumped on me about the virtues of Japanese light novels and how they could be incredibly complex but also provide some light relief in the form of comedy. And maybe that worked for him but as someone that likes ‘Western literature (something to which he referred to other books that weren’t in the purview of his favourite genre),’ my brief contact with Japanese light novels had left much to be desired.

I mean, I’m all for people reading what they like. It’s a good thing that more people are reading. But you don’t have to drag on high-fantasy novels.

It always felt like I needed to defend why I liked reading fantasy of the Western literature kind. So, things like Brandon Sanderson or Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings.

But worse than that, all he wanted to do was spam me about his one hyperfixation. Even when I attempted to change the topic and ask about his other interests, he went back to talking about, and comparing, Death Note to a fantasy comedy manga. Of particular note was how superior the fantasy manga was because the sequence of events for a particular character was logical as it made sense in its own world and how he had to put down Death Note because he couldn’t get past one implausible aspect of the plot.

Dear readers, I’ll have you know, I did try to give him a chance. But it was just too much. And after bouncing off White Coat, I couldn’t handle being talked at rather than talked to.

These kinds of incidents only seem to make me feel lonelier than ever. More than that, it chips already at my low self-worth – not that I need the external validation but are these the quality of people that I can attract? Men that just talk about themselves without giving much thought to a healthy discussion of life, the universe and everything?

It’s like they’re all just focused on their own very internal lives and niche interests without turning their mind to the complexities of the world we live in.

But also, it’s just not attractive at all.

And it makes me wonder if this is what love has been reduced to. Or maybe that trying to date men was the wrong move entirely and I should redouble my efforts with trying to meet a nice woman that I can get along well with.

To be honest, I’m not entirely sure which way I swing still, or if I swing for any side at all. All I do know is that the people I’ve kinda been obsessed with or wanted to know more about/ be friends with desperately have been women. Like, this one popular sporty girl during China camp or this married woman on a recent trip to Egypt.

But the question, of course, is if it’s actual romantic/ sexual attraction or if it’s because there’s an aspect to them that I really admire and wish I could emulate in my own life.

It’s probably the confidence.

I just wish I shared their same confidence and could exude it in my day to day. Maybe that’ll win me the person of my dreams?

Who knows.

In any case, I don’t really think online dating is for me. And I’ve given it a heck of a try. A year’s worth of effort and time spent into talking to strangers.

Will things progress with Game Master? Or will there be a new contender for my affections? Stay tuned to Dating 2.0!

Tavern Drinking and Celebrity Spotting

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

Fortress is one of Australia’s better known esports lounge, bar and arcade, all wrapped up in one. Although it’s been a staple of the Melbourne landscape for several years, the fine folks in charge of it saw how profitable the business model was and decided to bring it to Sydney as well.

And so, Sydney’s own Fortress opened up with little fanfare at the start of 2023 with little fanfare in Central Park Mall. At least, ‘little’ to the wider public. But it was most assuredly on the mind of many a Sydney gamer, this humble blogger included. But given how busy I was and the fact that I only had a few friends I could quickly round up for a jaunt in the city, my opportunities for visiting were few and far between.

Enter Mr Game Master.

After agreeing to a second date, I floated the idea of visiting Fortress to scope out the premises. Fortunately, he took the bait hook, line and sinker. After all, there would be plenty of opportunities for us to pursue our board game interests as, beyond hosting a large number of computers, they also had a bar area decorated to represent a tavern from ye olde fantasy games, along with the opportunity to hire any tabletop game from their collection.

Which, of course, was what we did.

We met outside Fortress at approximately 6PM before ducking in. Once we were inside, we were directed to a table to order some sustenance.Orders made, Mr Game Master went to have a look at the board game that we could hire for an hour or so as the waiter told us that was how long the reservation was for. Mr Game Master’s first choice of game was Catan: Rivals, a card based version of the popular game Catan and made with two players in mind. As neither of us were familiar with this rendition of the game, we read the rules and set up the game as we waited for our respective burgers to arrive.

Just as we were about to start playing, the food was brought to our table and we digged in.

Mine was a typical beef burger while Mr Game Master ordered a chicken burger. And while we both were very satisfied with our meals, given the fact that Mr Game Master had been born with the bigger mouth and knew how to demolish a burger quickly, he was able to scoff his down in short order. My burger took a lot longer to eat and became a little bit of a mess as it fell apart in my hands because I had removed the skewer keeping it together.

Once I’d managed to clean the burger juices from my hands, we began to play Catan: Rivals in earnest. Despite my best efforts, Mr Game Master came out on top. Mostly through sheer luck because he drew many an excellent action card that he could use to mitigate the lack of resources we had. I, on the other hand, only had the resources to build up a useless army that I only managed to utilise once to destroy one of his buildings.

Still eager for a second game, Mr Game Master went back to the desk out front and returned Catan: Rivals. Following behind him as we had initially toyed with the idea of playing Spirit Island, we instead settled for Sushi Go – a much quicker game that we both knew the rules to.

As I returned to the table first, I had to do a double take as I noticed what appeared to be Rad and Gem, the hosts of ABC Spawn Point. Well, only one of them was still a current host. The other had stepped away and I wasn’t sure if she was still working for the ABC or if she had found work in some other field.

But, before I go any further, I suppose it would be remiss of me to not clarify what the ABC is. Or ABC Spawn Point, for that matter.

ABC, at least in Australia, stands for the Australian Broadcasting Corporation. It’s essentially our version of the BBC. As for Spawn Point, well, it was television program targeted at kids, and which talked about video games that they could play on a mainstream platform.

More importantly, it was a spin-off show following the success of ABC Good Game, which was targeted at older gamers, providing reviews and news of the gaming world. Government sponsored gaming content. Can you believe it?

Unfortunately, due to budget cuts, ABC Good Game was cut from the network and there was the short-lived Screenplay on Channel 7, which had many of the old hosts from ABC Good Game on it.

In any case, I was starstruck.

As soon as Mr Game Master had returned, I’d pointed out the two minor television celebrities. I even showed him pictures of them that I managed to find through a quick Google search. And like someone that has never been taught subtlety, he completed turned to look over his shoulder at them! 

You cannot imagine the sheer terror that flooded my veins if Rad and Gem had noticed! Would they have been annoyed that I had mentioned, quite loudly too in my opinion, that they were there. After all, it looked like they were having a girls’ night out with their friends. Who would have wanted their personal time interrupted by fans wanting to talk to them about video games?

I certainly wouldn’t have.

Although, since I’d been in the first row during their panel at AUS PAX last year, I felt some kinship to them. Oh, what am I kidding. It’s a completely parasocial relationship. I don’t really know them. And they wouldn’t know me either. But it might have been nice if I could have scrounged up the courage to say ‘hi’ and that I was a ‘fan’ of their work.

I mean, it’s not like I’m a huge fan but it was the closest I’ve been able to mingle with people that have SOME level of fame, you know?

Regardless, Mr Game Master and I did NOT go up to them. Instead, we kept to ourselves and played through a game of Sushi Go. I won, of course. And by then, it was already quite late so we packed our things and headed for the door.

While I had taken public transport, Mr Game Master had driven down to the city. Before we said our goodbyes, we tried our hands at a little gacha and I came away with a Greedent as a token of the time I spent with Mr Game Master.

Will things progress from here on out? Mr Game Master almost certainly felt like we had hit it off, even inviting me in passing to his place to play board games with his house mates. Of course, I’m not sure if that’ll be the optimal next step but the offer has been extended. Given the limitations I’ve had when it comes to playing board games on the regular, it would certainly be a treat.

The only obstacle in this arrangement, of course, is that his work days don’t fall into the usual 9-5, Monday to Friday mould whereas mine do. So, it’ll be difficult to arrange an actual day to come visit.

Still, I might be getting ahead of myself.

After all, dating is all about the small steps rather than the big leaps and grand gestures.

And even though it’s slow going – mostly because of me – I don’t think I’m averse to Mr Game Master’s company. I’ve most definitely endured worse. Mr White Coat springs to mind. As did a brief dalliance (and by THAT I mean a day or two chatting on Hinge) with someone that had turned being a weeb into their entire personality and couldn’t help but regale me of the superiority of Japanese light novels over what he considered ‘Western literature.’

But I think that’s a story for another time.

For now, I’m tentatively optimistic that things might work out.

Time will only tell how it all pans out. If all else fails, I still have my video games and books and my fictional lovers to fall back on. That and filthy smutty fanfiction.

Puzzling Out Compatibility

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

Despite my reservations on dating after a string of failures and a lack of contact from hopeful suitors (both Shrek and Benoit were preoccupied with further study), I decided to stick it out for a few more months on Hinge and keep on with the search. After a few chats that went nowhere, suitor number 9 scrounged up the courage to ask me out on a date. It helped that we both had quite a few interests in common, although our weekly routines meant that it was a little hard to organise a date that suited the two of us.

Still, I accepted and we made an arrangement to meet up before his shift at work. Our meeting spot? A Japanese restaurant at one of Sydney’s major tourist traps.

Which, to be honest, was a promising start for Mr Game Master. The Japanese food, that is. Not the ‘going to to a popular bourgeois tourist trap.’ I mean, yes, the Westfield shopping centre had plenty of choices when it came to shopping and I was sorely tempted to empty out my entire savings on board games and a squishmellow Snorlax but that’s getting ahead of myself.

I arrived early at the restaurant and took a proper gander at the menu as I waited for Mr Game Master. With a job title like venue manager, I had expected something far more formal but it turned out he was in charge of a VR experience centre. Previously, he had worked in the field of escape rooms but the pandemic had seen quite a few cuts among staff and shut down actual places of work. Unfortunately, Mr Game Master was one of them.

Dressed in a polo shirt with the logo of the company on the left breast, a cosy vest and a loose slacks, I couldn’t help but feel that I was, once again, the overdressed individual. Still, I said little about it as we entered the restaurant to order.

And just like all my dates thus far, I made sure to pay for my own meal. Once we had made our order at the counter (we had both ordered rolls, although I added a side of grilled scallop that had a decent dosing of salt rather than the usual soy sauce and mayonnaise), we started to chat. Conversation was easy enough. Thankfully, Mr Game Master was also keen to let me in a few words rather than simply talk at me about the latest games or whatever else they were hyperfixated on. Which, to be honest, was a nice change of pace.

We talked generally about the rental market, and I put in a few of my observations from friends and family, the dating scene in general and a few other things that came to mind – like games or shows that were still prevalent in the pop culture zeitgeist, travel and being able to speak/ understand our mother tongue as we are both children of immigrants. I learned that he had a sister and that his parents lived in the north-west of Sydney. 

It was simple ‘getting-to-know-the-other-person’ kind of conversation. I don’t think there was any immediate attraction, per se, but I must admit I didn’t feel any kind of aversion. Which, I think, is a good sign? Goodness knows I wouldn’t know given my proclivity to supposedly judge individuals at first glance and put up barriers (we’ll get to that when it comes to Suitor Number 10). 

Once we had eaten our fill at the Japanese restaurant, we stopped for some gelato before I walked him to his place of work. It was a bit of a strange role reversal but it afforded us more time to talk and make clear our dating goals and/ or expectations. I stressed that I wasn’t someone that instantly fell for anyone and wasn’t entirely sure I’d ever had a crush on anyone, though people in my primary school had said otherwise.

But, although I didn’t tell him this, my experience overseas recently did indicate that I might feel attraction in some form or another. Which often manifests in wanting to be in the vicinity of another and enjoying their company. Unfortunately, this only seems to happen to people that are unavailable for me to actually date and might really just be an indication that I let my guard down more when I know that there’s no real risk of actual heartbreak.

Vulnerability is hard, let me tell you!

In any case, we had a few good chats about our experiences on the dating apps, although it seemed that Mr Game Master might have actually been in a proper relationship for a good long while before it fell apart because he couldn’t quite reciprocate the level of affection his then-girlfriend had and had felt guilty that he wasn’t investing as much into the relationship. 

Which, good for him to acknowledge, but does make it hard when both him and me don’t feel any deep sense of attachment on first glance. But maybe time will tell if it goes any further. More meet-ups, more chats, more getting to know each other and liking that company could possibly lead to something more.

For now, I think it might be best to consider us decent acquaintances or friends. At time of writing, we’ve set up a tenuous second date so, it’ll be interesting to see if it goes further. After all, how can one fall in love with someone they don’t know?

And in instances like these, absence does not make the heart grow fonder. Especially as we’re all technically strangers, hoping to find a connection. But relationships are something that need a strong foundation to build from. Right now, Mr Game Master isn’t so important in my life that I’d miss out on the release of Final Fantasy XVI. And while that is no fault of his own, it takes time to build a tight bond. At least for me. And it’s not like I can have someone’s entire life story dumped into my lap, which I can read.

So, here’s to a few more opportunities with Mr Game Master to see where it goes. Unless, of course, it all fizzles out in no time flat and nothing happens. Which, of course, is what has continued to happen throughout my, admittedly, not-spicy romance life.

Or maybe I’ll win the lotto and be so satisfied with my life that I’ll no longer feel the need for companionship. I mean, I’m not opposed to the idea…so you know what? Here’s putting out the wish that I want to win the Powerball lottery and be set for life that I can retire and maybe self-publish a trash fantasy novel.

The Singles Mixer

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

Over the last few weeks, after returning from my overseas trip, my dating life has all but dried up. Conversations grow stale on Hinge. After a few days, messages start to drop off as life gets busy. People tread and retread topics. And even my own enthusiasm at finding love withers and dies on the vine. It doesn’t matter that some of my friends, both at work and in my personal life, look upon what I’ve written on this blog and feel inspired to put themselves on the market. Unfortunately, there hasn’t been much chemistry between me and a stranger on the internet. No whirlwind romance.

So, in a fit of desperation, I signed myself up to a singles event to mingle and chat with complete strangers at a suburban club with stereotypical Aussie pub food disguised as Italian. Fun!

As soon as I did though, I began to despair that I’d signed myself up for yet another disappointing experience. The doubts returned. Will people judge me too harshly because I don’t put on make-up? Should I wear a dress?

Long story short, there was a lot of dread leading up to the event. In the end, I mustered as much courage as I could and went with a nice pair of black skinny jeans, a shirt and vest combo along with a blazer.

You may ask, dear reader, why I was so dressed up. Well, the answer is simple. It was bloody cold! A wintry polar chill was blowing through Sydney in early May. While I did not know where we would be sitting beforehand, it was lucky I dressed warmly for we were outside. Well, maybe not technically outside but it was in an area of the club that was open to the cold cutting wind.

Thankfully, I’m always prepared and I didn’t suffer too much. Else I might have walked away from the mixer with more than just disappointment.

As soon as I entered, I was caught off-guard by the large jump in age ranges for those in attendance, as well as the diversity of people that were there. So many came from various walks of life. As for me, I quickly found a spot at the kid’s table (which was essentially the 30-40 year olds) before I was joined by a man from Hong Kong.

Like I’ve told many a work colleague and friend, this man was…well…very loud. At least, that’s the best way to describe him in a single word. As soon as we met, he boasted that he had just turned 40 this year and wasn’t shy at admitting that he had been previously married and had two kids. These are important facts, by the by, as Hong Kong would repeat it numerous times throughout the night without much prompting.

The next person I met was from Jordan. Older than Hong Kong by a year, he too had previously been married but only had one child (a fact that Hong Kong was eager to say he beat Jordan in).

Fun fact, both Hong Kong and Jordan were civil engineers. Hong Kong was busy digging out tunnels for the West Connex while Jordan was responsible for constructing stadiums all across the world. These were facts that enticed the third man I met that day: Data. 

And yes, I would have preferred referring to each other by ethnic background but Data never did mention it. He did, however, work in IT and it had taken some coaxing to get him to sit closer for a proper conversation. It was apparently Data’s first event of this kind with the dating agency. While it was technically my second (having previously attended a speed dating event prior to COVID), this had been my first real outing to try and mingle with people outside of my usual circle. So, I suppose in many ways, it was also my first.

We were later joined by a financial planner, lawyer, board game designer, two more individuals that dabbled in IT and a university student. Suddenly, there were three more women at the table, although we were still outnumbered by the men.

Ever so cautiously, we began to talk. Introductions were made when we told everyone our names, our profession, hobbies and a hidden talent/ something interesting that had happened recently. Of course, with the other tables also seating so many others, it was hard to hear everyone – especially when they were on the far end of the table opposite of where I sat. Occasionally, we were interrupted mid-introduction as the waiters came to take our drink and food orders.

Overall, I’d have to say that our conversations were quite tame. The only time it ever got remotely risque was when Hong Kong was regaling us with how the moments of his children’s birth had been the most joyous moment in his life although it had also been laborous day of worrying for his ex-partner. Oh, and that he would tell his ten-year-old daughter that she ought to have a natural birth. Something he repeated multiple times as if he knew exactly what it was to have a natural birth. Hong Kong, of course, was a man. That he had never carried a child to term or felt the most agonising pain that came with childbirth was something he glossed over. Natural birth was the way to go! He would have it no other way for every woman.

I, a woman, was quick to challenge his very set views. And while I wasn’t quite arguing that every woman should go Caesarian, I wanted to make clear that the miracle of birth was not something so easy as Hong Kong thought it was. Even the other women agreed that it should be personal choice or dependent upon the circumstances.

Hong Kong, it should be said, was very much a character. While I cannot say for certain how much was truth or slight exaggeration, he was also eager to tell us all that he had studied law and geology (or earth science as he described it). It was for this very reason, and because of how he was raised, that he was against food waste (which is admirable) and that, you know, he was the father of two children.

He ate most of my salad and a chip that fell onto the relatively messy table.

So, while I would have liked to learn more about Jordan or the other people at the table, most of my interactions were limited by the gregarious nature of Hong Kong.

I will, admit, however, that I did have an interesting conversation that was, unfortunately, cut short with the man that dabbled in game design. From his own admission, it seemed that he was also an introvert. One whose social battery ran out more quickly with strangers than it did with his friends. And while there have been many a discussion into this interesting phenomena for introverts, I tried to explain it from my own experience of hiding away aspects that I feel would never fit quite well in a particular context.

For example, when talking to many of my work colleagues, I won’t really talk about video games as none of them really dabble in the hobby. I mean, it might be nice to go off on a tangent about the ones I like or the ones I’ve been currently playing but I know that they aren’t interested. True, they know I play them but it’s easier for us to talk about things that we have in common like TV shows or bemoan the fact that we’re all corporate drones.

Similarly, among my friendship circle, I don’t have many that share my enthusiasm for books or musicals. Sure, they might come to watch Wicked because it tickles their fancy, but I’ve had to find other people to go see Moulin Rouge or Six or The Rocky Horror Show. Even when it comes to books, I struggle to find those that have also read a majority of the Brandon Sanderson books or are willing to give the Rook and the Rose series a try (honestly, everyone, please read it).

Maybe I could find a Discord group to chat with others but my fandom rarely runs so deep that I feel compelled to chat about one thing for the rest of time.

Hence, I suppose, my very broad knowledge of pop-culture. But if you told me that Spider-Man travelled to another dimension with Mary Jane, I’d stare at you agog.

There are plenty of things that I know of only tangentially. And that’s fine too. Gate-keeping, an experience I experienced back in high school when Starcraft II came out, only limits the exposure of a good thing to others. This is especially prevalent when it comes to certain games that are praised for their difficulty, but can be found elsewhere too.

Regardless, these ‘facets’ of myself that I use in my daily interactions with other people are tiring. That I have to muster up enthusiasm for a person/ people that I don’t know when I’d rather pull out a book or stay at home and play through video games can be draining. In comparison, if you are among friends that share similar interests, it is easier to match your energy with theirs, especially if they’re more laidback about it all and don’t expect a prim perfect version of yourself.

Suffice it to say, I went out to meet people. I chatted to a few interesting characters, some I wouldn’t mind chatting to again. And I arrived back home late enough to have missed King Charles’s coronation but was early enough to catch Camilla get crowned as Queen. And there we have it! The Singles Mixer when no-one individual was that excited to interact with me except eat my food.

But maybe I came off as too strong.

It doesn’t matter.

What does matter was putting myself out there and being open to new experiences. And that is always worth it.

I think.