Tag: dating

Once More Into the Fray

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

This next episode of Dating 2.0 introduces our protagonist: Kyndaris as she ventures to a convention to meet up with another possible suitor. Will she find love? Or will she spend far too much on useless trinkets that’ll make moving a pain and serve to clutter up what space she has?

Catch all that and more in this week’s episode of…Dating 2.0!!

Oft times, I think it is a shame that I remain solely a text-based blog rather than putting in some effort and creating a podcast or YouTube video. But then I think about having to edit them and I pat myself on the back. After all, I don’t need to suffer through the cringe of listening to my voice over and over and over again as I edit. Nor do I have to endure seeing my ugly mug on my screen as I chuck on filters to streamline my appearance to appease my own vanity.

But, back to the topic at hand.

Following on from my first Saturday visit, I was invited to Oz Comic-Con by a second individual that I had met on Hinge. Let’s call him Kaneki. Although I was sure he wanted to meet up early and take a gander around the stalls with a companion at his side, I was a little wary that our first meeting might not go as planned. Easier, I told myself, if we set out time for ourselves rather than push ourselves into each other’s company for hours on end and then find it wanting.

So, arriving a bit late to Oz Comic-Con (and managing to avoid the rain), I headed inside the Olympic Park Dome where the event was being held. Due to the forecast of rain, the event organisers had arranged for most of the food trucks to remain indoors at the far end of the event hall. And while it was a trek to reach them, it also meant that should the storm break and water come thundering down, at least all participants would remain dry.

I’m unsure if, however, that influenced the more cramped layout of the rest of the convention. Several stalls of artist’s alley were pushed up against the side. Coupled with individuals stopping in the middle of the walkway to chat with their friends, it became a nightmare to navigate from one end to the other.

There were times that I had to divert around the die just to get to my destination.

Still, despite the influx of visitors and curious first-timers, I managed to see what was on offer – from tee turtle shirts to posters to board games. In fact, I even managed to sign myself up for a short Dungeons & Dragons campaign. My companions were two kids that looked about ten or under as well as a uni student that had watched quite a bit online but had decided to play for the first time.

Needless to say, it was a simple one-shot adventure where our player characters had stumbled upon a town and were requested to find and rescue a bard that had been missing for five days. The only unfortunate thing about it was one of the kids that was part of our group was keen to mess around rather than take the campaign seriously. This was despite his claims of being the dungeon master (DM) for his own games with friends.

Hopefully, he manages to learn to allow others to do a few interesting things instead of trying to dominate the choices of other players.

I fear, however, that my own biting sarcasm was starting to rear its head every time the kid tried to do something asinine. Props for the actual DM that was running the game for her patience. But considering that they have 5 years worth of experience, it probably stood to reason that they were able to entertain the kid’s fancies without it derailing her more carefully plotted out path.

And as for Kaneki, we finally met up for lunch and got to talking as we waited in line for a food truck advertising Philly cheese and steaks.

I’ll admit, I initially didn’t have the best of impressions when chatting to him on the app, but after actually meeting in person, he definitely seemed much better at conversation than first impressions had led me on the Hinge app. 

As we waited for our food, it was clear that he also consumed a lot of pop culture media – naming quite a few costumes from both anime to current television shows. It’s a feat if I’ve ever witnessed it.

But though our time was short, I like to think we had a decent first meet-up to get a feel of the other person.

My current dilemma, of course, is having to pick between the potentials. Were this an episode of the Bachelorette, I’d have to consider who to give the rose to! Certainly, not an easy decision to make when the people I’ve enjoyed chatting to have proven to be such excellent companions.

Google tells me that after the third date, a person should be able to sense if there’s chemistry. So, maybe I’ll wait for the third date with each person to get an idea? 

Argh! Why is dating so hard?

In any case, this year’s Oz Comic-Con was much better than my previous ones. I suppose it was mostly because I actually managed to get into a game of Dungeons & Dragons and enjoy an actual one-shot adventure instead of putting my name down for a game of Call of Cthulhu only to be overlooked later because a huge group had rolled by.

Or maybe the exhibitors had much more interesting things for sale?

Regardless, it was a good day out hobnobbing with fellow nerds.

Dating 2.0

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.” So wrote Jane Austen in one of her most famous novels: Pride and Prejudice. In our modern age, it is no longer the purview for men to seek a wife. Rather, any individual of good standing and good fortune are wont to seek their better half – be that man, woman, non-binary or wherever else they might sit on the gender spectrum.

But while romance sits at the forefront of many a mind – being something that is sung about in songs and shown on the silver screen, I’ve never really thought of romance for myself. While I may gush over the interactions between Ren and Grey in the Rook and the Rose trilogy, and certain cutscenes may warm the cockles of my stone-cold heart, 

And it is into this world that I, a humble blogger, shall take you. After all, I can’t simply drop a bombshell in a previous post about redownloading a dating app and not deliver!

Here, I present my forays into the murky world of online dating.

So, dear readers, get yourselves ready and strap yourselves in! 

You’re in for a relatively smooth ride.

This time round, I downloaded two apps onto my phone. Once again, I went with Hinge – with the smoothest and clearest user interface, it seemed the easiest app to use – and Plenty of Fish (after being recommended by a work colleague who had used the app to meet her current husband). All in all, after dabbling with a variety of dating apps including Boo and Bumble, I found Hinge was the easiest. While I did ponder the use of Tindr, it’s reputation for being one used for quick hookups was certainly not something that appealed.

Besides, I’ve never been that type of girl. And the thought of getting down and dirty has…well…not an act I really envision myself doing. Even though I’ve a penchant for reading smut fanfiction on the internet. Please, NO ONE, go through my browsing history. I don’t know how I’d ever live it down.

But let’s focus first on Plenty of Fish. Options were limited in choice of gender. Unlike Hinge, you could only focus on men OR women. Never both. Prompts were few and scattered – with nothing particularly poignant (in so saying, responses to prompts on Hinge can also be hit and miss and I worry for the mental health of some of the people on the app). It also wasn’t very clear on how it worked. You could like an individual but then there were those that could immediately send a message to those that they wanted to start a chat with.

It just seemed…counter-intuitive.

Especially when I was getting unsolicited messages from individuals that I wasn’t very much interested in. And my goodness were many of the men pushy. I’d never been propositioned as quickly or got demanded my personal details in order to have chats away from the actual dating app.

PSA Alert: I’m not the type that’ll freely give you my Whatsapp if you sidle up to me and say ‘hey.’ Sure, some women might be into that, but for me, that’s not the way into my heart. Also, because, I don’t know who the f*** you are and want to first suss out if there’s any compatibility in what we like. 

Yes, I might be slow about the whole thing but I’m a wary online traveller that is NOT keen on being possibly murdered, raped or taken advantage of. 

Some might say I’ve my barriers up too high.

I like to think I’m just being prepared.

Within a few days, I’d deleted Plenty of Fish. Unable to deal with the barrage of desperate boys that were hoping to get something extra just for showering a person with far too much attention than they were comfortable with.

Hinge, on the other hand, offered a lot more variety. And while there were the occasional individuals that didn’t have much to say in their responses – or hoped to provide as little as possible in order to set-up their account, there were also a few genuine folks that seemed like they were there for a good time.

It’s also where I felt like I met those that shared a few of my passions and could easily communicate with them. This time round, though, I made the conscious choice not to mention anime in my profile as it only opened up a can of worms that I was not eager to delve into.

The people I’ve met in August and September seem all right. They might not be the next Brad Pitt by any means, but they certainly carry a confidence that makes them easy to interact with and allow for consistent banter.

So, after exchanging quite a number of back and forth messages, I finally went on a very casual date/ meet-up with one of the people I was chatting with. It might not have been in broad daylight, but it was certainly in a public venue. Suffice it to say, I was not murdered and got to enjoy a pleasant evening where I got to know a bit more about them – let’s call them Pickles for short – because on the dating app, I did find that I was more disposed to talk about myself more – such as my hobbies and other pursuits (that or I’m just terribly nervous in real life. It doesn’t help that I often feel pressured by the media that I consume and by family expectations to IMMEDIATELY fall in love. It was probably both).

PIckles, it seems, didn’t feel like the date went badly either! So, yay to not getting immediately rejected?

That said, I’ve a meet up with a different person at Oz Comic-Con. We’ll see how that goes but I get the feeling that it might not go as well. Of course, by the time this post goes up, it’ll be done and dusted. 

There is something to be said of first impressions and Pickles has certainly set the bar high.

Is there hope for Pickles? Will love be on the cards for Kyndaris with this new contender? Or will Kyndaris end up sad and alone – a crazy dog lady til the end of her days?

Tune in next time to DATING 2.0!!

Imperial Wedding March

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

In society, marriages are considered sacred ceremonies where two people are joined together and are considered as one. For many, it’s a commitment to each other at the expense of all others. But in these modern age, there are some that enjoy an open marriage that gives each the freedom to pursue their interests while still having someone to return to. 

Marriages also serve another purpose. They are spectacle, bringing people together to celebrate a wondrous occasion with good food, good company and copious amounts of libations.

Not that I partake, mind you!

Now in my third decade of life, I’ve been to quite a few weddings. At least, ones that I can remember. In fact, in one of my earlier posts, I detailed my experience as a bridesmaid for a high school friend.

This time round, however, I was safely ensconced in the role of ‘guest.’ That meant not having to wake up at the crack of dawn to have my hair done or have a thick layer of make-up applied to my face – both things that I’ve never much liked ever since I was young.

It also meant taking my time to wander around as I waited for the reception instead of rushing around for photos.

Thankfully, the ceremony and reception were held in two locations that were easily reachable via public transport. The ceremony was at St Andrews Cathedral. For those not in the know, this hulking piece of Gothic architecture sits at the heart of Sydney, right next to Town Hall. Better yet, it’s a stone’s throw away from the Galeries where a rather small and lesser known book store calls home: Kinokuniya.

The reception, too, wasn’t very far (although there was trackwork that prevented me from taking a direct train over – instead, I needed to take a bus replacement). It was just across the Coat Hangar at the Kirribilli Club. And while the speeches from the parents were a tad waffling, with a non-subtle hint that children be pumped out immediately, it was still a joyous occasion full of music, laughs and conversation.

True, no one got to rip up the dance floor (a missed opportunity for Ay, Ay, Ay, I’m your little butterfly shenanigans), but it was a tasteful and refined affair.

No two people could have been well matched in their union.

And it got me thinking properly of my future. My mother has always wanted me to find a life companion. It’s always been her fervent belief that having a man in one’s life brings with it several benefits. One being a handyman that can help around the house (or, you know, to kill all those bloody spiders that manage to find their way into a person’s home).

Never had there really been a discussion of what I want or need.

While it’s true that I’ve redownloaded Hinge to try my luck on the dating market, I can’t help feeling that this whole pursuit of romance and happily-ever-afters might not be for me. There’s just something about romance and doing the deed that doesn’t entice me. Am I aromantic and/ or asexual? I’m not sure.

Ever since my high school years, I’d struggled with the concept of ‘falling in love’ with someone else. What did it mean to have a crush? How did you know you wanted to be with someone else? Why didn’t I have this gooey feeling inside me that others have described is the precursor to liking another person?

Despite that, I’ve also planned to wear a suit or a steampunk-inspired wedding dress should it ever occur.

Marriage might be sacred among many circles but for me, I’d rather less pomp and ceremony that seems synonymous with the event. Indeed, what I want would be something that’s personal and branded with my own unique and quirky sense of identity that continue with what other people have done ad nauseum. 

And honestly? A pagan binding ritual feels so much more enticing for this eccentric blogger.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. First of all, I need to find a person that is willing to deal with all my idiosyncrasies that even my mother and grandmother can’t seem to accept. I need someone who can put up with my anxieties and be able to reassure the neurotic Asian lady that’s having a mental breakdown in the corner, and growing dank mushrooms, that everything is going to be all right (but yes, that Asian lady is me!)

Before all that, though, I’ll need to sort out whatever baggage that is weighing me down that makes me feel unworthy of anything and anyone.

Small steps, right?

And besides, who needs therapy when I can shout everything out into the void of the internet?

The Dating Experiment

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

Goaded by the fact that so many of my friends are starting to get married and encouraged by a few individuals at work, I tried out online dating. Let it be known that on 6 February 2022, I downloaded Hinge, put up a few pictures and waited for the fish to bite. Given the fact that I had never managed to entice anyone with my womanly wiles back in high school or university and hadn’t had any luck with my previous attempts at speed dating, I thought that 2022 would FINALLY be the time I’d strike it lucky.

Even though one of the posts that had gone live at the time I’d downloaded the app had been me waxing poetic about living a solitary lifestyle. I still stand by what I said, but there is a definite fear of missing out on key components of what is considered a ‘normal life.’

And, for the first time, I was sick of seeing all these photos on my feed and feeling like a stranger that was stuck on the outside looking in. Normally I very much like watching things on the sidelines and passing judgement. It’s kind of my thing. People often associate me, Kyndaris, with harsh judgements. I am a person that can never be impressed. Invite me to your house and there will be a bevy of comments that I’ll mutter under my breath at all the inadequacies you were unable to hide!

I’m not entirely sure how accurate that description of me is but apparently that’s the image I exude. So, you’ve been warned!

Back to my sordid dating life!

As with all things new and fresh, I was swept up in the ego stroking that came from having to sort through the assortment of likes and comments that I received. In fact, I had such a decent number after just a day, I was almost tempted to end the experiment right then and there. How was I supposed to choose between all these excellent specimens that wanted a piece of the Kyndaris? And with such limited time considering my very time-consuming hobbies?

Still I waded through the cesspool of suitors for my hand in marriage and culled those that were immediate dealbreakers, whether that was age or their proclivities for certain activities. And then, after I’d gotten through that first wave, I started responding and chatting. 

Oh boy, the chatting! Never had I thought chatting to people so tedious! Yes, it’s appreciative that you may respond immediately to my text but give a girl some time! I have other things to do other than message you back! Like watch the thousand and more Netflix shows that are on my ‘To-watch’ list. And when you have to respond to so many messages, it’s a lot of time out of one’s day that’s being slowly eaten away!

Worse than that was the guilt!

Even though I had only a picture to go by, I’d often felt guilty about letting them down when I didn’t respond quickly enough or when I was at work. But life continues on and I couldn’t spend each waking moment responding to the questions I’d received and providing some of the same answers to similar queries about this ‘different to other girls.’

Honestly, I’m not even all that different from other girls, my dudes. You’ve simply been looking in the wrong corner of the internet. I’m like most shy and introverted nerdy types! We like our games, we like our books and popular TV shows, and we’ve seen what’s been posted on the internet even if we don’t often comment on videos or reddit threads.

Hell, I HAVE A BLOG FOR GOODNESS SAKE! There are some things that simply cannot be unseen.

And while I had some enjoyable chats with a few fellow readers and writers, when it came down to pursuing a relationship with them, I knew it would never quite eventuate. Most of the ones that caught my eye as possible candidates were much too young. And the ones that were older simply didn’t interest me on an intellectual level. Yes, we might be good friends that can shoot the breeze about the next riveting Japanese role-playing game but if you can’t spell, I might have to swipe left next time. 

It is so hard to use an apostrophe? Or know the difference between your and you’re?I don’t know. 

There were just too many small nitpicky things that I couldn’t quite get behind. Especially considering how keen certain men were. One couldn’t stop with the innuendos even when I tried to tell them to slow down. In the end, though he had hoped to meet up (and had planned out our entire married life together), which fell through, I had to let him down gently.

We could still be friends, I said. It’s not you, it’s me. I’m not ready for that level of commitment. And you’d need to dial down your expectations for some winky times in the near future back to zero.

Then, of course, were my forays into Bumble and Boo. Let’s start with the MBTI one, in which I put in far too little investment. Honestly, it seemed the weakest app because without paying for certain features, the only way you could start messaging someone was only by ‘liking’ them. There’s so little that can be parsed from a like with almost zero sense of their personality. Sure, you scored as an ‘ENTP’ but for all I know you could have just told the app that was who you are.

As for Bumble, I used it to try and find friends because trying to find a potential partner just seemed far too exhausting. But in this day and age, even finding a person out of a million and declaring them to be your friend is no longer such an easy feat. Why did half of the photos on Bumble BFF look like they were for girls that were looking to get down and dirty? If you’re only looking for friends, do you really need glamour shots that show you about to go out on the town?

And what is with all these bottomless brunches?

I just…

By month’s end, I deleted them all, unable to keep up with all the messaging and trying to appear likeable and understanding through text. The dating and friendship apps had worn me down even as they had given me an initial boost to my self esteem.

Perhaps it was the constant push to pay a subscription for certain services and locked features. Perhaps it was the fact that no matter how hard I tried, interest would fizzle because they weren’t getting an output from some lonely Asian woman that might be totally asexual and who is a stickler for the rules. Take your pick.

I, for one, have decided that maybe I acted too hastily when I downloaded Hinge back in February. I wasn’t ready and wasn’t sure what I’d expect. Certainly, I had hoped for better and that I’d find my ‘one true love’ within a few short weeks of scouring the choices within my region.

And that’s only the men.

Trying to date women was a lot harder. I probably only received one like from another woman on Hinge. And though I’d messaged a few others, never heard anything back. Maybe, just like me, they’re all a little more reticent; a little shy.

After all, we’re all trying to put ourselves out there to be judged by a perfect stranger to see if we’ll be a good match. And that is no easy feat to put oneself through.