Following on from my obsession with Critical Role and dipping my toes in a Pathfinder campaign, that I was summarily kicked out of for trying to roleplay, there came upon a period of creativity. In my madness, I created an entire pantheon of gods and goddesses. Two nations rose from the fertile grounds of my imagination. And I had an underlying plot that would shake the very foundations of the world I created. I even forced a few of my friends to start rolling stats for their make-believe characters – sure in the knowledge that this would be something that would start very soon and I would blow them all way with the majesty of my creation.

Four and a half years later, I stand on a precipice. It has taken quite a while for my dream to become a reality. For a long while, I had consigned it to the depths of ideas that would never see the light of day. After all, I was the kid, inspired by the likes of Warcraft 3: Reign of Chaos to play at cutting down trees and building up bases during Years 5 and 6. In fact, I had a book in which I jotted down my ideas for a similar video game. Beyond that, I created a card game that was essentially Age of Mythology. Can you imagine the difficulty of trying to play a real-time strategy in card form? Not I! 

True, it might not have been original, but a part of me wanted to be a burgeoning game designer though I had no concept of coding, any skills in graphic design or even a substantial narrative to hang it all on. Looking back, nothing seemed impossible when you were at the tender age of 12. 

Where did all those dreams go?

In any case, the idea that my own homebrew Dungeons and Dragons campaign would ever lift off the ground and become a reality was a bit of a joke among my friends. In the years since, I’ve written several short stories for the perusal of those that lurk on the internet, finished a story that’s been sitting in my head for a good long while, wrote the first story in what might be a cycle of books, and have nearly finished a conspiracy thriller narrative inspired by The Mummy (2017). I’ve also managed to obtain gainful employment. The world has suffered, and in many places it is still suffering, through a pandemic that was made worse by bad decisions and people’s inability to think of their fellow man.

Yet, for some reason or another, it’s gained new life. Possibly because my constant nagging has actually resulted in my players actually giving me character sheets and we’ve finally settled on a time to start. By the time this post goes up, the first session will have been played. And honestly, I hope that it doesn’t end in disaster.

While not standalone, and very clearly aping video game design, it would be exciting to see it survive for many long years. The only problem with that, however, is my other commitments. My blogs, my stories, my video games. What if Dungeons an Dragons consumes my life? I’d need to always make sure to keep my players on their toes. Think of new scenarios that will intrigue them. Retrofitting plot holes and trying to make sure everything is interconnected…

Of course, this being my second time playing a dice-rolling role-playing game and my first time playing the Dungeon Master, perhaps I should not be so hard on myself. Unfortunately, the perfectionist in me wants me to dazzle the players enough that they’d put me on a pedestal and worship the ground I walk on.

And though I created many of the things I will be using during the first few sessions four years ago, I’ve already harshly judged my past-self’s use of grammar and world building. Much like every single time I did a presentation in school, I’ve tried to edit my work again (at the very least, it’s not on the spot and when the whole class is listening and it sounds like I clearly didn’t practice). Thank goodness that my past self had the sense to write down descriptions and personalities for many of the NPCs that will sadly go ignored by most of my players.

In truth, I probably did go down the deep end on the whole world-building thing.

Still, I think that two of my players actually have a lot more experience will make it much smoother. As veterans, they’ll probably be able to guide me when I may take a wrong step or turn. It almost makes me want to just hand them the reins of Dungeon Master, sit back and enjoy the ride as a passive player or observer. After all, it would make things much easier for me.

But, in saying all that, there is something exciting about being the storyteller that I’ve always wanted to be since my childhood. My Dungeons and Dragons game might not be as good as I wish it to be. If my years spent writing has taught me anything, that’s okay. A person can’t excel at everything. And even if I stumble a little at the starting line, it doesn’t mean I can’t churn out a masterpiece in prose through edits and a few choice constructive criticisms. It’s a hard lesson to learn. Particularly for someone like me.

Let’s just hope that I won’t beat myself up too much if it all ends in disaster. Life is meant to be lived. Mistakes will happen. As long as we pick ourselves up when we fall and learn from the experience, no effort is wasted. All about the mindset, Kyndaris. All about the mindset. You ain’t no Matthew Mercer, but you might be a decent enough Luke Westaway or Johnny Chiodini. Not everything has to be as epic as Critical Role. 

And you know what? THAT’S OKAY!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to hyperventilate into a brown paper bag for the rest of the day.