When embarking on a new venture, one normally does not think whether or not it will be an inspiring feat to others. Starting out, I looked to my blog as a means to collect all my thoughts and ideas to help with my writing of stories that will never see the light of day. As I’ve said in an earlier post, I’ve always entertained the idea of keeping a diary. Except, of course, there’s nothing all too exciting that happens in my daily life. But by chronicling all the things of interest to me, perhaps I could make something of this space that I’ve eked out on the internet.

Several years later, my blog has still remained fairly small and unknown to the masses. True, I’ve amassed a number of followers (most of them my friends that are now essentially inactive on websites such as Tumblr to help inflate my actual number of followers) and a smattering of likes on posts. In fact, when I started out, I refused to use hashtags. Why?

Well, surely there was nobody that would be interested in reading my screams and rants into the void.

Imagine then, my surprise, to find people discovering this humble little blog on the internets with nary an assistance on my end. Of course, most of them were gaming related. In particular, niche titles that had captured the hearts and minds of those that flock to blog sites to find like-minded individuals. Off the top of my head, the two that grabbed the attention of so many were Tales of Berseria and Vampyr. 

But even this cold dark heart of mine could not help but twitch in excitement when I saw the number of notes climb in number. I might have started this blog for my own benefit but it warmed a little part of me to see that there were people who seemed to like some of the content. In fact, I even had someone start asking me questions about Concrete Genie (as if I were actually one of the developers and knew all that there was to know about the small indie title).

I say this because there are times when I want to shut it all down and return to my little hobbit hole. The insidious and critical voice in my head often tells me that my efforts, both on this blog and my other side projects of story writing are meaningless endeavours. Nobody will ever read my works. Nobody cares. Why do I even try and write stories that no-one will read or appreciate? People are just making small talk. 

‘You write stories? That sounds interesting. What’s your pseudonym?’ And after that first question, it all falls away. There is no sudden bump in reading numbers. The fact that I update on a weekly basis is forgotten.

Still, there have been moments when what I do in my free time seems to catch the eye of another fellow human. Take, for example, one of my work colleagues that actually seemed intrigued and almost invested in some of my stories. Every time, for a good month or so, I’d walk past her table, she’d have a grand idea for one of my short stories to be made into a short film.

Alas, my lack of equipment and actors on hand made it a difficult enterprise.

But even though I knew that such a thing would not come to fruition, I did feel seen. She even said, as an aside, that some of my work had inspired her to write more songs. That, in and of itself, made it feel like what I did was worth it.

Now, I’m no vainglorious social media hound with a YouTube channel or Tik Tok (though I swear I have some good ideas!). I doubt I’d be able to live such a lifestyle. My self-esteem, as it is, would hardly be able to survive the barrage of hateful comments that so many have had to endure. Nor do I have a Twitter account.

I may be a Millennial but there are times I feel that social media has gone out of control. Call me an old soul, I dare you. I probably am (though not old enough to desire a typewriter or a period where the internet was not so easily accessible).

Barring all of that, I have thoroughly enjoyed some of the rare comments that have peppered my stories and blog posts, the likes and favourites on FictionPress and the addition of another follower. 

And though I’m not the type that feels like my entire life would be turned around just by watching shenanigans on a YouTube channel, I like to think that my presence here – chipping away at my creative projects and writing blog posts that are enjoyable to read has touched someone else out there in the world. Or that it might have inspired other fellow amateur writers to start their own personal blogs to document the ups and downs of life. 

You don’t, of course, dear readers, have to credit me with pushing you to greater heights than even I could achieve. I’ll just leave that to my imagination. After all, as an only child that sought solace in books and video games, I’m quite comfortable with diving into rich fantastical worlds of my own making. 

But sometimes, and only very rarely, do I feel a pang of loneliness. That this was all for naught and I ought to scrub my hard drives of anything creative and burn it all down.

So, should you ever feel the urge to reach out and encourage a Millennial that has no self-confidence and her only brave moment was going to the United States of America by herself at the tender age of 24, I’d like to hear something from you.

And if you don’t feel that niggling urge in the back of your head, that’s all right too. I’ll keep on carrying on until the day that the novelty of writing and maintaining a blog finally fades.