Who Else Will I Have Da-Chao Beans With?

On August 12, 2021July 4, 2021 By kyndarisLeave a comment

With a brand-new PlayStation 5, lovingly dubbed Seto Kaiba, now in my grasp I was excited to try out the Final Fantasy 7 Remake: Intergrade. In particular, the downloadable content (DLC) featuring everyone’s favourite materia hunter: Yuffie Kisaragi. Yes, you heard it right. I suffered through disappointment and numerous attempts of trying to put my name down on a PlayStation 5 waitlist just so that I could play a $30 add-on. I mean, it’s not the first time that I’ve willingly put down money to enjoy more of the story, but it’s a rare occurrence.

With that out of the way, please know that this impression of INTERmission will be filled with spoilers. I know this post won’t go up until August but considering how hard it is to still get consoles, well…you’ve been warned.

In contrast to Cloud’s stoic and no-nonsense attitude, Yuffie is a breath of fresh air. Right from the gates, her narration in a bid to impress the members of Avalanche that aren’t even present is a joy and delight. True, she’s younger than our main character, but she has seen a lot of things. The conflict between Wutai and Shinra back in the good old days of Crisis Core are very much part of the lore in the expanded Final Fantasy 7 universe.

In fact, our favourite puppy of the series, Zack Fair, also got to meet the rising ninja star of Wutai during the conflict.

But I’m getting off-topic. Back to INTERmission.

After traversing the wastelands around Sector 7, Yuffie finally reaches the slums before the plate has fallen. Once she has arrived, she meets up with the members of AVALANCHE. Except, of course, they’re not the ones that we know and love. Enter Zhijie, Nayo, Polk and Billy Bob.

As for Jessie, Biggs and Wedge? All three were located around the slums. Jessie was seated in front of Seventh Heaven (which Yuffie could not enter), Wedge enjoyed the company of many cats and Biggs was idling by not too far from the others. All of them were interactable but their dialogue essentially boiled down to: stop bothering me. I did like, however, being able to play the board game: Fort Condor with at least two of them. AND UTTERLY DESTROYED THEM WHILE I WAS AT IT.

Chadley too, made an appearance – this time offering a battle with Ramuh and also being the GRANDMASTER of the Fort Condor board games.

By the by, the Fort Condor minigame is probably quite reminiscent of the auto-battles that have gained popularity. Three towers to be defended, summonable units…

I’ve never played any of the auto-battles but it does seem fun. For a short while at least. And as a minigame within a game.

Once I had explored the slums to my heart’s content, it was back to the story missions. Enter Sonon. As soon as he appeared, I knew that things would not end well. After all, Yuffie did not have a companion when you met her as an optional side character. And in every other iteration: from Advent Children to Dirge of Cerberus, he was never present.

But though I knew his time would be limited, he brought excellent banter to the adventure and served as an excellent support to Yuffie. Even if the brother-sister connection was a little ham-fisted with Yuffie reminding the warrior of his own sister: Melphi. Still, despite the way the developers bungled the immediate connection, I didn’t mind. Yuffie, after all, was on a mission to nab the greatest and ultimate materia right from under Shinra’s nose.

It is important to know that while not much changes in the way of combat, Yuffie does play quite a bit different from the other main characters. In fact, she can fight both close-up and at range with her ninjutsu arts. Another change to the formula is that you cannot change to Sonon. Only Yuffie can be controlled – though you can give commands to Sonon and have him perform abilities and spells.

Then, of course, there’s also the synergy aspect wherein Sonon and Yuffie would combine their attacks to deal additional damage. It was fun experimenting with the system and showed how versatile the combat system could be.

Once they enjoyed a trip chasing Zhijie to obtain High-D cards that would allow them to slip into Shinra Headquarters, it was back to the slums to see Tifa and Barret return without SOLDIER-boy Cloud Strife. What I loved about this moment was that we also got to see a private conversation between Tifa and Barret that did not feature in the first game or in the Remake run. Seeing the aftermath of Cloud falling down into the slums below and how it had impacted both Tifa and Barret was a great character moment. And it also helped serve to explain the reason why Tifa ended up in Wall Market in the first place.

With that moment out of the way, our heroes Yuffie and Sonon head to Shinra headquarters. As they slip into the elevator, they are joined by Scarlet: Head of Weapons Development. From there, the game becomes a gauntlet of battles. It’s not the most thrilling chapter to experience but it does showcase how well the Wutaians fight and the innate teamwork between Yuffie and Sonon.

This new piece of downloadable content, however, is not satisfied to simply end matters here, however. When Scarlet is defeated (and even in defeat she’s assessing how best to finetune her machines of war), she activates DEEPGROUND. For the first time in a long while, I got to see Weiss the Immaculate and Nero the Sable.

While I may not have played Dirge of Cerberus, I did watch ALL the walkthroughs that I could find on YouTube back in my younger years. I watched Vincent Valentine grapple with his past and finally learn to control the power within.

That aside, the new threat that Nero presented was a challenge. With his arms strapped to his chest in a straitjacket, he reminded me of Anima Aeon from Final Fantasy X. But it was his darkness powerset that gave me all the Kingdom Hearts vibes. If I have to hear ‘Darkness’ again in anything, I think I might have to scream.

Beyond these few nitpick moments, I felt that Sonon’s death was a little overdone. Particularly for a character that had only been fighting beside us for only a few short moments. Don’t get me wrong, the developers tried their best to sell it: the swell in the orchestra, the use of copious flashbacks…

Still, the pain expressed by Yuffie (which was then followed by the Sector 7 plate falling) was enough to sell a bit of the horror.

My only question though is: WHAT IS NERO GOING TO DO WITH SONON’S BODY?

From there, the credits rolled and we caught a glimpse of Yuffie out in the wilds, on a chocobo and humming. As a side note, does everyone know the chocobo theme song? Is it a piece of canonical music within the game universe that is associated with chocobos? Like, is it used in advertisement for chocobos? I NEED TO KNOW!

We also get to see Barret, Tifa, Aerith and Cloud traipsing along on the road to Kalm. Better than that, we see Zack in his alternate dimension reaching the church in the Sector 5 slums, debating how best to reintroduce himself to his fair flower lady. Where is his version of Cloud in all this? Why are there so many people in the church? How does this whole dimension/ alternate timeline thing work?

Once again, the Final Fantasy 7 Remake left me with more questions than answers. Though I never played the original, over the years, I had scoured the wiki sites to learn as much as I could. And though I knew the plot beats, the creative directors and script writer have kept things close to the vest – tantalising me with the prospect of what is to come.

I still need a slap fight between Scarlet and Tifa, okay! It had better be in there!

1110 Cool Points

On August 5, 2021June 25, 2021 By kyndarisLeave a comment

Through the miracle that is often labelled as luck or fortune, I managed to acquire a PlayStation 5 near the start of May. It was Mother’s Day weekend and I was out looking for possible gifts for a woman that, when asked, had shook her head and offered me merely a secret smile in response. Since I was out in a shopping centre, I thought it would not hurt to make enquiries at the different electronic stores scattered about and see if I couldn’t put my name down on one of the wait lists that some had for the ever elusive console.

My first stop was EB Games. One of the store people approached me as I browsed the shelves and asked if I needed any help. It is a rare instance, indeed, when I turn around and say ‘yes.’ This, I did. My first question was in regards to a physical release for The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles in Australia. Sadly, they advised that the game would not be gracing store shelves. I turned my question then to whether or not they had a wait list for the PlayStation 5. She shook her head and apologised. Dismayed but undaunted, I thanked her for her time and headed to the JB Hi-Fi also nestled in the bowels of Castle Towers.

As my friend and I walked, we passed by Vodafone that taunted me with promises of owning the console if I were only to take them up on their NBN plan.

When we arrived, I awkwardly tried to track down a staff member in charge of the gaming section. Once we managed to attract her attention, I made my request again. Unfortunately, the list was full and I would have better luck trying the following week – preferably on a Friday when stock was usually dropped.

Shattered, I sighed melodramatically for several minutes and tried to think up ways to put my name down on the list. I even demanded that my friend assist me in my time of dire need. Perhaps seeing how desperate and inconsolable I was at missing my opportunity, the staff member happened to recall that perhaps there was a stock error with the latest shipment. Though she offered no promises, she advised that she would check the storage room out back for a possible PlayStation 5.

Knowing that my chances were slim, I waited. Five minutes passed and to my great surprise, she walked across the store carrying a brand new PlayStation 5 Disc Edition. To say that I was overjoyed at my luck would have been an understatement.

Forgetting that the trip was to buy my mother her own gift, I made the decision to purchase the PlayStation 5 and hoofed it back to my car. This white baby was as precious as could be. It was my own One Ring and I would give it up to no-one or nothing.

May be an image of text that says 'SONY SONY COMPUTER ENTERTAINMENT SONY'

After setting it up, it was a long while before I managed to play the one game that came installed on it: Astro’s Playroom. As a showcase of what the console could do, as well as the DualSense controller, it was spectacular. Though I had not played the initial Astro Bot: Rescue Mission, I fell in love with the little robot that tinked around on its tiny little legs and was just so GOSH DARN ADORABLE!

The game itself is very much a 3D platformer with rote levels and gameplay. Though the narrative was simple and to the point, the game was able to pull me into its universe with the astute way it made use of the DualSense abilities. Haptic triggers can sound like a buzzword when it comes to advertising, but when one is playing and can feel the resistance when it comes to pushing down on the trigger R2 and L2 buttons, it makes all the difference and elevated the game for me. For the first time, I could see why people were excited about what the PlayStation 5 could offer.

Beyond these changes, I also loved how Astro’s Playroom was a celebration of all things PlayStation. The consoles have gone through so many iterations over the years. As someone that has owned a PlayStation 2, PlayStation 3, PlayStation 4, PlayStation Portable and a PlayStation Vita, it was great to see miniature versions of these in games. All these Easter Eggs and more managed to capture my attention for a few good hours. Best of all, Astro’s Playroom never overstayed its welcome.

Short and sweet, it’s the perfect game for anyone – no matter how young or how old – to have a glimpse at what the PlayStation 5 can do.

Oh, and I did manage to get my mother something for Mother’s Day. Because I had almost no use for them, I handed over my share of the NSW Dine and Discover vouchers that had been used to fuel and revitalise the state’s economy. And honestly, who can say ‘no’ to a free $100?

Instafamous Pokemon

On July 26, 2021June 20, 2021 By kyndarisLeave a comment

Since the advent of the smartphone, many people now consider themselves ‘photographers.’ Even I like to think myself a dab hand at taking photographs. Whether it’s a portrait of a friend or a landscape detailing the natural scenery before. How hard can it be? True, I might not have a ‘proper’ camera with detachable lens and the technical know-how of what anything else means on the mode dial beyond the norm, but I understand basic composition, lighting, subject and background!

So, when New Pokemon Snap was announced, I was excited. I would show all the doubters that my eye for detail was second to none. The photos that would cover my Facebook page would be so spectacular that everyone on my friend list would encourage me to create an Instagram account. This new game was going to be a breeze, I thought, even though I had never played the original Pokemon Snap (because I was a penniless student back in the good old days).

Caught up with trips and Trails of Cold Steel 3, it was a good deal longer for me to do anything substantial with New Pokemon Snap. I started off by creating my character and began to take photos of the Pokemon roaming around the Lental region. At first, I thought it quite quaint – sitting in a strange pod and taking photos of the Pokemon that dashed to and fro as they interacted in their natural environment.

Once I had unlocked fluffruit, though, was when the real fun started. I’d throw them near Pokemon or at them. Honestly, I was a real terror throughout Florio Nature Park as I booped all the native Pokemon with apples as I hoped to see their reactions.

In time, I unlocked more courses. But in doing so, I also unlocked special requests for certain photos of Pokemon behaviours. And I feel it was this mechanic that eventually took away most of the joy that I had initially felt in playing such a carefree game. No longer could I just observe the Pokemon doing what they wanted out in the world and seeing how they’d react when I used the scanner, threw an Illumina orb or played a pretty little tune for them to listen to. Now, I needed to make sure that they did something specific and wait for the perfect time to snap a shot.

More gregarious than that were the hidden requirements for certain photos. The wording for the pictures, on occasion, did not match what was actually required. You had to experiment and set up specific situations. It became too much of a puzzle of how to get a Pokemon to do something rather than the simple joy of taking the time to observe the world around me.

This was aggravated by how repetitive most of the game was. You would set off on the same course, with a few changes depending on the level, and be forced to watch everything from start to finish. That was, until Turbo was unlocked late in the game.

I can recall with vivid clarity that I tried a course nigh on ten times, trying to fulfil one requirement of having Pidgeot snatching Magikarp from the water. And always, I’d be just shy of taking the photo that Professor Mirror would acknowledge.

The same could be said of the three friends: Grookey, Scorbunny and Pichu in the flower garden. I’m not sure if it was because I should have kept the camera trained more on Scorbunny when I snapped the shot of the tree surrounding a Crystalbloom, but none of the ones I took were recognised by the game as a completion of the request. And it is such a shame that in order to make sure that I complete these requests, I have to look it up on the internet for their solutions.

My one other nitpick was the fact that most of the photos to be taken of the Illumina Pokemon felt like gimmick boss battles that usually involved chasing them down and pelting them with both fluffruit and illumina orbs. This would have been fine except for the fact that the arc when both items are thrown never sat well with me and I’d inevitably just watch as I missed the Pokemon by mere inches.

Admittedly, once I did manage to get a Pokemon to show off their inner glow, the photos taken were stunning. Steelix, in particular, as it dived towards me to burrow in the ground next to my small NEO-One. Or Milotic as it swam through the water, looking as glamorous as ever.

The only other issue I encountered with the game was the difference in sound mixing. If it was not a cutscene, the generic dialogue to indicate a character was speaking was far too quiet. Both when it was docked and when my Switch was in handheld mode. The jarring difference in volume meant that I had to keep adjusting it. Perhaps I should have simply played the game without any voices for the human characters.

To cut a long story short, New Pokemon Snap did not immediately click with me as I had hoped. I like to think that I simply wasn’t in the mood for a light-hearted adventure of taking photos of Pokemon. Or maybe it was the fact that I wasn’t patient enough to wait for the perfect moment. Who’s to say?

What I can rightly admit, as one of the world’s leading unpopular opinions, is that I didn’t enjoy it as much as everyone else on the internet seems to have. It was a good distraction for a few good hours – with a mystery to solve about how the illumina Pokemon managed to save the Lental region from a dastardly meteorite two thousands years ago, but it didn’t capture my imagination as much as I had hoped it would.

Gengar coming to haunt all of our dreams…

你会说国语吗？

On July 19, 2021June 11, 2021 By kyndarisLeave a comment

When I was younger, I often hated getting up every Saturday to go to Chinese school. After all, in Australia, everyone was expected to read, write and speak English. What would be the point of learning a language that would not be advantageous to me in the immediate sense? To that, my mother responded that unless I underwent plastic surgery, I would be expected to attend Chinese school every Saturday to learn my mother tongue (to be honest, there were some days that I wish I did have plastic surgery so that I could look more caucasian).

For a good long while, I resented her for it. In my young mind, there was almost no advantage. Yes, I might have been able to make a few new friends outside of my usual circle of acquaintances at primary and high school – but what else could I have been doing in those three hours?

It didn’t make sense. For all intents and purposes, I was great at speaking. Having my grandmother living with us forced me to speak Chinese (Mandarin) to her day in and day out. So what if I couldn’t read and write?

Nevertheless, I went and attended Chinese school for 12 years at my family’s expense. And for my efforts, my skills were barely at elementary level when it came to reading and free-style writing. At least with typing, I can sound out the pinyin and then recognise the word that I want to use.

Looking back, though, I’m thankful for my mother’s obstinate demand that I attend Chinese school. Though I’m still hopeless at reading anything beyond simple characters, I’ve come to realise how important it is to be bilingual. And, in many cases, learn about the stories culture that is my birthright.

One of the news articles I was reading recently spoke about the regret of so many people that threw away their mother tongue when growing up in the Western world. This is particularly prevalent for fourth or fifth generation because many of their grandparents can speak English. I also strongly believe that individuals that predominantly come from Europe should also use these opportunities to gift their children with the ability to speak another language. It gives them a new way to communicate and I, to be perfectly frank, wish I could have learned more.

(I keep telling myself to learn Auslan but my time has been consumed by other hobbies and interests. ONE OF THESE DAYS!)

More important than a form of communication, language can also serve as the bridge to learning about one’s culture. Growing up, my grandmother would often tell me her own truncated and paraphrased stories of The Three Kingdoms and the occasional legends of Sun Wu Kong – the Monkey King. With some of my relatives in China, when I ever visited them, I’d also be exposed to the 1986 Journey to the West. Now, I’ll admit, I haven’t watched Netflix’s The New Adventures of Monkey but I somehow doubt they’ll hold a candle to what I expect the show to be like.

And because of the fact that I straddle both cultures, I can appreciate the movie Over the Moon with its earnest attempt at adapting the story of Chang’e or the Ne Zha film that came out a couple of years back.

In fact, sometimes I wished I had learned more about China’s myths and legends. For many years I’d concentrated too much on Greek, Egyptian and Norse mythology with little regard to the myriad of tales that could be told from my own ethnic background. Much of what I now know are scattered bits and pieces of lore from a variety of sources. Some of it has been anime because there just happened to be something about the four Chinese constellation. Others I’ve picked up because of a few films here and there like the Lotus Lantern. And while I may not like Kylie Chan’s writing style, the fact that her books were primarily focused on Chinese mythology were enough to draw my attention.

Even those from an English-speaking background should take out to learn a language. There is something empowering about being able to speak something that other’s might struggle with. In my current and previous jobs, being able to speak Chinese has been a boon, even if it’s as something as simple as directing someone to the toilet.

As times have shifted, a lot of what my mother told me when I was young still hold true to this day. There have been many times I’ve been approached. And because I’ve been able to speak (relatively) fluently, I’ve been able to help others in need.

Now, I just need eke out some time from my very busy schedule of video games, writing, reading and watching Netflix to learn something new. It’s not enough to know only a few phrases in French and Japanese or gesticulate wildly to people that might be hard of hearing.This is my moment to seize my chance and start upon another linguistic journey (and also so that I can just eavesdrop on other people’s conversations without them being any the wiser).

Like, Comment and Subscribe

On July 12, 2021June 4, 2021 By kyndarisLeave a comment

When embarking on a new venture, one normally does not think whether or not it will be an inspiring feat to others. Starting out, I looked to my blog as a means to collect all my thoughts and ideas to help with my writing of stories that will never see the light of day. As I’ve said in an earlier post, I’ve always entertained the idea of keeping a diary. Except, of course, there’s nothing all too exciting that happens in my daily life. But by chronicling all the things of interest to me, perhaps I could make something of this space that I’ve eked out on the internet.

Several years later, my blog has still remained fairly small and unknown to the masses. True, I’ve amassed a number of followers (most of them my friends that are now essentially inactive on websites such as Tumblr to help inflate my actual number of followers) and a smattering of likes on posts. In fact, when I started out, I refused to use hashtags. Why?

Well, surely there was nobody that would be interested in reading my screams and rants into the void.

Imagine then, my surprise, to find people discovering this humble little blog on the internets with nary an assistance on my end. Of course, most of them were gaming related. In particular, niche titles that had captured the hearts and minds of those that flock to blog sites to find like-minded individuals. Off the top of my head, the two that grabbed the attention of so many were Tales of Berseria and Vampyr.

But even this cold dark heart of mine could not help but twitch in excitement when I saw the number of notes climb in number. I might have started this blog for my own benefit but it warmed a little part of me to see that there were people who seemed to like some of the content. In fact, I even had someone start asking me questions about Concrete Genie (as if I were actually one of the developers and knew all that there was to know about the small indie title).

I say this because there are times when I want to shut it all down and return to my little hobbit hole. The insidious and critical voice in my head often tells me that my efforts, both on this blog and my other side projects of story writing are meaningless endeavours. Nobody will ever read my works. Nobody cares. Why do I even try and write stories that no-one will read or appreciate? People are just making small talk.

‘You write stories? That sounds interesting. What’s your pseudonym?’ And after that first question, it all falls away. There is no sudden bump in reading numbers. The fact that I update on a weekly basis is forgotten.

Still, there have been moments when what I do in my free time seems to catch the eye of another fellow human. Take, for example, one of my work colleagues that actually seemed intrigued and almost invested in some of my stories. Every time, for a good month or so, I’d walk past her table, she’d have a grand idea for one of my short stories to be made into a short film.

Alas, my lack of equipment and actors on hand made it a difficult enterprise.

But even though I knew that such a thing would not come to fruition, I did feel seen. She even said, as an aside, that some of my work had inspired her to write more songs. That, in and of itself, made it feel like what I did was worth it.

Now, I’m no vainglorious social media hound with a YouTube channel or Tik Tok (though I swear I have some good ideas!). I doubt I’d be able to live such a lifestyle. My self-esteem, as it is, would hardly be able to survive the barrage of hateful comments that so many have had to endure. Nor do I have a Twitter account.

I may be a Millennial but there are times I feel that social media has gone out of control. Call me an old soul, I dare you. I probably am (though not old enough to desire a typewriter or a period where the internet was not so easily accessible).

Barring all of that, I have thoroughly enjoyed some of the rare comments that have peppered my stories and blog posts, the likes and favourites on FictionPress and the addition of another follower.

And though I’m not the type that feels like my entire life would be turned around just by watching shenanigans on a YouTube channel, I like to think that my presence here – chipping away at my creative projects and writing blog posts that are enjoyable to read has touched someone else out there in the world. Or that it might have inspired other fellow amateur writers to start their own personal blogs to document the ups and downs of life.

You don’t, of course, dear readers, have to credit me with pushing you to greater heights than even I could achieve. I’ll just leave that to my imagination. After all, as an only child that sought solace in books and video games, I’m quite comfortable with diving into rich fantastical worlds of my own making.

But sometimes, and only very rarely, do I feel a pang of loneliness. That this was all for naught and I ought to scrub my hard drives of anything creative and burn it all down.

So, should you ever feel the urge to reach out and encourage a Millennial that has no self-confidence and her only brave moment was going to the United States of America by herself at the tender age of 24, I’d like to hear something from you.

And if you don’t feel that niggling urge in the back of your head, that’s all right too. I’ll keep on carrying on until the day that the novelty of writing and maintaining a blog finally fades.

The Beginning of the End

On July 5, 2021July 5, 2021 By kyndarisLeave a comment

When I finished the prologue, I cockily thought that the game would not be too terribly long. After all, it was only four chapters. Surely, it wouldn’t take that many hours to complete. Three weeks maximum, I told myself.

Little did I know that Trails of Cold Steel 3 would take me a month and a bit to finish. Granted, there were numerous distractions along the way and a family trip to boot. But one thing I had forgotten about the series was how dense the lore and world-building could be. I had even forgot that with Japanese role-playing games (JRPGs) that even narratives with a simple premise could still span countless hours. And that’s not counting the artificial inflation of simply chatting with every non-playable character (NPC) in order to not miss out on collectibles or on hidden sidequests.

I think on it now and simply see it as fair recompense for how long I’ve kept the game sitting on my shelf. Far too often, I’ve gone for the next shiny new game instead of completing those that I’ve bought a year and a half ago – waiting for a lull in game releases (that have caught my eye) before tackling the next lengthy JRPG in a series that has spanned multiple entries.

Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel 3 starts in the middle of a battle. There’s not much explanation and the player is thrust into the roles of the new characters that featured in trailers and the box art. True, one of them is Altina – once an enemy to Class VII, but this time the homunculus was on our side.

(And honestly, it was written better than my attempt in Divided We Fall. A narrative that begins mid-way through and with a battle is supposed to entice the player or reader or viewer – bringing out their natural curiosity. My attempt, however, might have been a bit too confusing. Live and learn, I suppose.)

After holding out against the Stahlritter, several scenes flash by and the game takes us to Leeves. It is the start of a new school year and our favourite black-haired hero has returned to Thors Military Academy. Except, of course, it’s the BRANCH CAMPUS! And why is the Ashen Chevalier, Hero of Erebonia, now an instructor? Of all things?

To be perfectly frank, I feel as if Rean’s choice was to maintain the school setting. While I appreciate the downtime and the ability to run around chatting with members of the old and new Class VII, it felt a little forced when there were plots within plots being spun by all the secret societies out in the world.

In a way, though, I can see the genius behind it. Thors Military Academy was always a hub for the characters to return to and regroup after each harrowing encounter. I will say that it does take quite a bit of coincidence for each place that the Branch Campus goes to on their ‘field missions’ to always be somehow linked to whatever machinations Ouroboros might have in the works. Oft times, the scenarios felt a little contrived – ensuring that Rean and his team of allies were at the right place at the right time to do battle with the ne’er-do-wells that have been a thorn to main characters since the beginning of time itself.

Altina struggling with human connection. Honestly, same.

One of the major things I dreaded coming into Trails of Cold Steel 3 was the prospect of meeting new characters and having to juggle an already impressive roster of playable characters. Yet it wasn’t too long before the likes of Juna Crawford and Kurt Vander had wormed their way into my heart. I didn’t even mind Musse and Ash (though I did find Musse’s flirtations – with her instructor, no less! – a little excessive).

While each of them fell neatly into anime stereotypes, I was also appreciative of how the game took the time to flesh out their backstories and still have it somewhat linked to the overall narrative of the world at large. Particularly Musse and her connections to Duke Cayenne.

Where I felt the story falter a little was how the last chapter was more focused on Calvardian spies in the capital city of Heimdallr. Whereas the three previous areas had focused on suspicious activity that was almost always about Ouroboros and their experiments with new technology, the battle with the Dark Dragon felt much more separate and standalone.

Of course, the writers managed to exposition it all away, but it was the one part that I felt was not quite as synced with the others. In fact, it felt a lot like plate spinning (and give players a challenging boss battle) until events transpired that would thrust the main plot forward.

The combat still remains fairly similar to previous entries. Quartz management still proved paramount in creating the best team – whether that was equipping those with excellent stat boosters or a mixture of powerful arts. But while arts, particularly for healing, were important, I found myself leaning more on crafts and the occasional brave orders. Newly introduced to the series, brave orders were another piece of the puzzle to make combat more interesting. Almost all of them are buffs. Some increase the strength of all characters in combat, whereas others minimise damage. Still others gave the player characters unlimited turns to utterly decimate the competition. It was always fun to try them out and find the perfect combo to tackle many of the late-game bosses.

Another introduction to Cold Steel 3 was High-Speed Mode. Honestly, I should have played the entire game on High-Speed Mode. By speeding up all aspects of gameplay, it was probably the reason why I was able to finish the game within 110 hours rather than 130 hours. And yet, even with a guide to help me, I still decided to talk to almost every NPC after each major event to see how their lives had evolved. It might not give it a completely ‘lived-in’ feel of the world, but their vignettes were still amusing.

How else would I be able to enjoy Lord Quinn’s teasing of his young daughter? Or watch the burgeoning romance between Bennet and her fellow baker?

Despite how long the game took me, Trails of Cold Steel 3 was another solid entry. Though a lot of it felt like filler, the last few hours had me on the edge of my seat as disparate threads came together and many questions were answered. Of course, as the credits came to an end, I found myself with more questions that the game thought would entice me to play the sequel (which I will, because it, too, is sitting on my shelf ready to be played).

Though it will be the end of a lengthy saga, I’m eager to see how it will all play out. What’s happened to Rean? Why did the developers leave us all with a cliffhanger? How many times will they attempt to echo the first Trails of Cold Steel in their third entry? Why is Alisa the supposed canon choice instead of Emma or Laura or Fie? The list goes on…

It’s everyone’s favourite musician – Elliot Craig!

Or maybe I should be shipping Rean and Towa? Head pats all round.

Lane One Form

On June 26, 2021May 28, 2021 By kyndarisLeave a comment

With her sixtieth birthday approaching, my mother was adamant that she would keep it low-key (mostly). There would be no grand celebrations or fanfare. Instead, she had a simple wish of driving down to Canberra and taking a look at the capital city of our fair nation: Australia. Of course, we had been there a few times in the past – mostly as a stopover on our trips down to the Snowy Mountains. But, we had never given the city a proper once-over.

No longer. This time, we were going to give the nation’s capital a proper evaluation as a destination holiday destination.

Taking a few days leave, I was ready to drive and accompany my mother and grandmother down to Canberra. On the drive down, we stopped at Goulburn for brunch. Getting a recommendation from one of my mother’s friends, we headed to Roses Cafe and Co. right next to the Goulburn courthouse. As was my wont, I went for an ‘Eggs Benedict’ while my mother struggled to choose between a wrap and ‘Smashed Avo.’ In fact, she even stopped to ask me what it contained as she pondered if it would also be a good fit for my grandmother (who usually dislikes Western style food and is forever biased for Chinese and more Chinese). After translating the Australian slang, my mother opted for the ‘Smashed Avo,’ never knowing that it was what prevented Millennials such as myself to purchase property.

Once we were stuffed to the brim, we returned to the car. This time, I took the wheel – driving the remaining hour or so to Canberra. Our first stop? The National Gallery of Australia. Now, I’ve never been one for art, but as my mother was excited for one of the special exhibits: Botticelli to van Gogh, I tagged along. After all, I would not be paying much of anything during this trip. To my surprise, all of the pieces were from the National Gallery in London. Instantly, I was transported back to 2013 when I had tagged along as a third wheel to my friend’s trip to Europe. At the time, she was dating a person from London. And because I live vicariously through others (and also because I really, really, really wanted to go to London because I’m a bit of a history buff and Sherlockian) I somehow convinced them to let me tag along.

So, it came as no surprise that I recognised a few of the pieces when I had been wandering through the National Gallery in London. Of course, in the much larger building, whole floors had been dedicated to the artists from various centuries. And while most of it was a blur, I remembered distinctly that many of the classical artists had an eye for religious iconography.

The only pieces that my mother could name from just a glance were the Sunflowers by van Gogh and Monet’s Water Lily Pond. An art appreciator, however, my mother is not and she failed to identify Rembrandt in the self-portrait that had also been painstakingly shipped to Australia for display.

Once we had our fill of the National Gallery of Australia, including those from notable Australian and Indigenous artists, we thought it best to set our bags down at the hotel apartments where we would be staying for a two days. The place she had booked was amenable to our needs though it was not as luxurious as I had hoped. Still, it had a bed, a working shower and also a small kitchenette so that my grandmother and mother could have their instant noodles breakfast.

It was not long before someone came to pick us up. Once a young man travelling across China to get back home, he had enjoyed the hospitality of my mother and stepfather and was now eager to return the favour since settling in Canberra.

Taking us to a local Ugyhur restaurant in Belconnen, we headed to Mount Aislie to witness the rare lunar eclipse. Freezing cold, we watched as the moon slowly began to fade from view. An hour or so later, we took photos of the total lunar eclipse. Dismayed by the poor quality from our phones, we took advantage of the kindness of a stranger who sported a telescope. With his much better equipment, the photos he had managed to take were a sight to behold.

Of course, we took advantage of his hospitality and took photos of HIS photos instead because they looked much more impressive and he was not charging for them.

They don’t call it a Blood Moon for nothing.

It was quite late when we finally returned to the hotel. Exhausted, I endured a restless slumber.

The next day, our Canberra guide came to pick us up. Knowing that we were in the city, he had also taken a few days off and was keen to drive us around. Our first stop was to Gooda Creek Mushrooms. Though usually closed to the public, since our guide had worked there previously, he knew the owners and had arranged for us to take a look around. There, we were greeted by alpacas and llamas both. There were even deer on the property! Alas, they were too far for a proper look and there was a fence between us and them. At the very least I was able to appreciate their great antlers from a distance.

Once my mother had her fill of alpacas, we returned back to the Australian Capital Territory (ACT). On the recommendation of my mother’s friend, we headed to Cockington Green Gardens. Here, we enjoyed a myriad of small miniature recreations of famous sites all across the globe: from Petra to a distinctly colourful set of streets in Argentina, as well as Roman ruins in Syria. There were also a variety of buildings that could commonly be found in the United Kingdom such as stadiums, an ivy house and many other faithful recreations.

After lunch, we also took a walk around Queen Elizabeth Terrace and saw the outside of Questacon, the National Library of Australia and the High Court. As I took a look around, I promised myself that I would take some time out to revisit Questacon – maybe with a few friends in tow or my own future children (whether that actually happens remains a mystery but one can dream).

Nearing 2.30PM, we headed to a wharf out on Lake Burley Griffin. Our guide, knowing of a trip, had taken the liberties of hiring an electric boat for us to take out. Though it was a cold chill May day, we enjoyed our time out on the water and taking in the sights. Since it was an electric picnic boat, there was no need for a boating licence and we had a grand old time of going at snail’s pace around the vast lake that split Canberra in two.

Returning shortly to shore, we retired for an early night – but not without taking a trip up to the Telstra Tower at Black Mountain and a drive through the campus of Australian National University (ANU). We also stopped by the zoo because it was my mother’s sincerest hope that we would be able to holiday at Jamala Lodge, where we would be able to enjoy the company of a lion or a bear as dining companions.

Given that I had a few spare hours before bedtime, I managed to sneak in an hour or two of New Pokemon Snap. After a day of taking photos of real things out in the real world, I was eager to snap shots of fictitious creatures in a 3D rendered imagining of the Pokemon universe.

Our last day in Canberra started off a little later than I would have liked. Still, we were able to make good time and reached the top of Mount Ainslie to take in the sights of Canberra in the daylight. Once we were sufficiently chilled by the mountain air, we descended once again to explore the National Museum of Australia.

Within, we were able to take a gander at the interactive exhibits and learn a little more about Australia’s history and the significant events that led it to becoming the nation that we now call home. Much of it was about white colonists and there was even acknowledgements for the sins of the past. It was clear a lot went into this memorial of the past and I, for one, was glad to read about the steps that had been taken to celebrate the unique Indigenous cultures and its evolution to a postmodern civilisation.

Unfortunately, with time bearing down on us, we didn’t stay very long. I would have preferred being able to fully appreciate each exhibit and read more on the snippets they provided, but there is always next time. Hopefully, without family with me, I can take my time as I wind my way through and note down all the facts and figures that helped build up the nation now known as Australia.

As it is, I came away with a little more understanding about the importance of belonging to a place – one that I never gave much thought to as I struggled to navigate the two very different cultures that made up my identity as an Asian Australian.

But yes, the museums do need another go. And now that I’ve heard that the Australian Museum in Sydney has been renovated, I might actually take the time out to revisit it.

Time will tell, of course.

And isn’t it strange that it’s always so hard to set time out to explore one’s own backyard than it is to jet off to another country and explore every nook and cranny there?

This is some strange creation and I’m loving it! All hail the Sky Whales!

Look at this Trove! Treasures Untold!

On June 19, 2021May 21, 2021 By kyndarisLeave a comment

As a multifaceted millennial, you should know that I know quite a lot when it comes to pop culture. After all, I play video games, watch cultured television shows and movies on massive streaming sites and read books. The three hobbies that essentially make me a repository for all things hip and chic. Think of any topic and I can match you with a quote or a meme. Lord of the Rings? Please. In your ear, I’ll whisper, ‘One does not simply,’ or ‘You shall not pass!’ How about Mass Effect, I hear you ask? ‘I’m Commander Shepherd and this is my favourite store on the Citadel!’

My one great foible, of course, is when nobody picks up on the references that I make. The cost of knowing so much is to see it not being recognised by those around me. It is a crying shame that I cannot discuss the Greek gods and goddesses or their many myths and legends.Nor can many appreciate a good old ‘taxation without representation’ chant.

Do these people live under rocks? How can they not have known about She-Ra and the Princesses of Power? Why does no-one else seem to ship FitzSimmons along with me? Am I the only person that has bothered to read excellent fantasy authors? Why aren’t others jumping at the opportunity to watch Hamilton with me at the Lyric Theatre?

It should come as no surprise that social media, such as Tumblr, are rife with references to television shows and video games and the odd anime or two. But when you spend so much time on the internet, you forget that there are other people in the world that simply aren’t as ‘fetch’ as you are.

Take for example, my work colleagues. Not one could appreciate that I quoted the great Sherlock Holmes by chastising them for their lack of attention to detail. ‘You see, but you do not observe,’ said I in a grand booming voice. They stared at me like I was insane. As if true genius could be sidelined because the poor fools around me knew not what I quoted.

Even among my family and friends, I have often felt to hide certain aspects of myself. Would they be able to appreciate the science behind Game Theory? What about OutsideXbox or PlayStation Access? Do they even know that there are a group of nerdy-ass voice actors that play Dungeons and Dragons every Thursday (but which I will only get to watch Tuesday morning)?

Honestly, dear reader, you know not the self-restraint I showed when I saw TWO people wearing Sora, Donald and Goofy t-shirts on a train platform on TWO separate occasions. I wanted to march on over, even though one was busy tip tap typing away at her laptop and DEMAND that we talk about the Kingdom Hearts franchise and so that I also drop some epic one-liners like, ‘My friends are my power,’ and ‘You’re not taking Kairi’s heart!’

Too often, I’ve played it safe by keeping subtle pieces of geeky memorabilia on my persons. A Kingdom Hearts lockscreen on my phone, Lucario Pokesketch for my train pass, Lightning Farron dangling from my house keys.

True, there have been a few great moments when I’ve spotted my fellows out in the wild. A man wearing a DOOM shirt who had also named his daughter after the infamous Tomb Raider, an appreciator of the intricacies in the Yennefer and Geralt romance and of course all the employees that work in EB Games and Zing. Let’s not forget the discovery that one of the new people in my workplace is an absolute Warcraft nut that smacked down my Medivh impression when I recited the first few lines of the Warcraft 3: Reign of Chaos prologue.

One of these days, I need to scrounge up my courage and attempt to make small talk with other people that share my interests. I mean, aren’t we all socially awkward individuals that can barely string words together? No? Just me? Darn it all!

In any case, I’m all for more people displaying what they love. And, if you see a random Asian woman intensely staring at your t-shirt, be sure to come over and say ‘hi’ so that we can discuss books, games or even guilty pleasure television shows like You or Pretty Little Liars. To this day, I still don’t know what drove me to watch all seven seasons. I mean…I started because Nolan North and Holly Marie Combs (PIPER! FROM CHARMED) were in it. But I can’t say why I continued after the second season…

And gosh, I can’t believe I also managed to stomach all of Gossip Girl. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

Life is Dull, But it Can be Mundane!

On June 12, 2021May 14, 2021 By kyndarisLeave a comment

If there is one word that can be used to describe me, it would be: predictable. For many of those that live in a first-world country, life is essentially mundane routine. We go to work. We come back home from work. We do a few things for a few hours before going to bed. And then we repeat it all the next day. True, each day might have its own different set of routines, but over the course of a week, a month or a year – nothing much had changed. The cycle continues ad nauseum.

For those familiar with my short stories, it was the very thing I was railing against in one of my first short stories: Gears in the Walls. Of course, in that particular tale, I took it a step further and made my character go insane.

Still, there’s something to be said for having a set schedule. It pays to know the script beforehand so that the actors know their marks and what to say at a particular time. Often, my days involve quite a bit of the same. Every second day, I’ll wash my hair after work. On the days that I don’t, I eat an apple and yoghurt. After those rituals are done, I hunker down and chip away at my lengthy novel-length projects before dinner. My target goal is about 200-300 words each day. Sometimes I’ll be particularly inspired and somehow crank out 500 to 600 words in the short timeframe that I’ve allocated myself.

After dinner, I allocate an hour and a half (sometimes two) to the playing of whichever video game that is on my ‘to-do list.’ At the point of writing this blog post, I’m still trapped in Trails of Cold Steel 3, but I’m eagerly anticipating the release of Biomutant in another week and a few days. Once the clock hits 9pm or 9:15pm, I head back to my computer to watch whatever show on Netflix or Disney+ that I’ve decided warrants my attention.

That way, I can do all the things that I kind of want to do without fearing that I’ve dropped the ball on my hobbies or that I’m tossing my money down the drain when it comes to the subscription streaming services I use. To be perfectly honest, sometimes I ponder whether it might be worth it to pirate all the things I want to watch. As good as the Netflix library is, there are still so many others shows that I want to watch – if only subscriptions didn’t make it feel so prohibitive.

One of these days, I’ll need to invest on a VPN so that I can change my location and get access to everything that’s available on the two subscription services that I do have.

When I told my friend that my life was utterly dull and incredibly routine, she was astounded that I was able to keep it all up. As if setting aside time every day to do a little writing, a little gaming and a little TV show watching was unique.

What? Are you telling me that nobody else does what I do? What in the world do other people do in their spare time? Just watch YouTube until the early hours of the morning? Read FanFiction until late? Get through a decent chunk of gameplay before calling it a night? Look after a small child? I’m sure there are plenty of things that other people do that can help explain where the time goes. This is just me simply being a very time conscious individual and giving myself strict instructions on what I should do at any given time. It’s like working even when I’m not working.

KYNDARIS, GIVE YOURSELF SOME SLACK! YOU AREN’T GETTING PAID FOR ANY OF THIS SO BEING SPONTANEOUS IS OKAY! Say ‘yes’ to going out for dinner once in a while with real life friends! Don’t be annoyed that your perfect evening has been ruined and you’ll never finish your stories within your non-existent deadline.

I think what she thought was amazing (and for me, it was part of the everyday) was that through my organisational skills, I was able to complete a few of my set goals instead of burning out too early or losing interest midway through. But then, of course, how are people expected to finish anything if you don’t chip away at it? And how are you meant to chip away at it if you don’t time manage all of that?

Why was something I thought completely normal so strange or difficult for other people?

But maybe what I perceive as banal is completely different to how others might view my accomplishments. I’m very notorious for underselling my achievements – seeing them as part of the norm. After all, the way I play many video games are the same. You’ll never see me doing too much in the end-game because I’d have already completed all the side quests before the credits rolled. Often, I’d be overlevelled and the final bosses fall to my blade with ease.

It helps, I think, that I’m quite methodical in how I play. Exploration of all the question marks in my surrounding area, talking to every NPC that is worth a damn, and hoarding items that might be of worth. Though progress might initially seem slow, by the time the game has reached its conclusion, most of the trophies are sitting cozy in my cabinet and if I really wanted to be a completionist, there would only be a few things more I need to go out of my way to get.

In any case, routine is very much how I live my life. It’s the bedrock on which I function from day to day. While it can be tedious, it gives me a sense of direction and helps me accomplish the few goals I’ve set for myself. And to be perfectly frank, I never gave much thought on how I lived my life until my friend thought it was the most amazing accomplishment she had ever witnessed in her life.

If there is one thing I’d like to say to any of those that are struggling to do something creative it’s this: take each day as they come. Make sure to give yourself time to do what you want and make good use of it. It might be easy to say that ‘you’re too tired’ or that ‘you don’t feel inspired’ but I’ve found that sometimes by pushing through, you unlock that nexus of creativity that was lurking within you this whole time.

Those in jobs or roles that require you to write or be creative in some form or another should know what I mean. If you’re a graphic designer, you don’t wait until the next bout of inspiration comes along before you do a project you’ve been commissioned for. That’s now how business works. And if you want to get paid, you can’t afford to sit on your arse for an hour, a day, a week because of the general air of malaise you feel.

If you’re a journalist, you spitball ideas until one sticks and then start drafting and redrafting something until it sounds like it’s a great and awesome opinion piece.

So, if you don’t how to start something the easiest thing you can do is just that: Start. Even if it sounds horrendous and it’s not the perfect brush stroke or the perfect sentence, keep going. After all, Rome wasn’t built in a day. And, as an amateur writer that constantly wants to delete everything that they’ve written on really bad days, knowing that you can go back and edit makes it better in the end.

Treading Water

On June 5, 2021May 7, 2021 By kyndarisLeave a comment

Please enjoy another short story from yours truly. I’ve also uploaded this to my FictionPress.

On a side note, I’ve almost finished writing Control State and will then proceed with the very thorough nature of editing my first conspiracy thriller story. To be honest, I’ve wanted to delete it several times but sometimes it’s good to try different things – even if they don’t work out or are as good as one would hope. To be fair, I didn’t have much of an idea for the ending and it probably shows. Let’s hope that my editing/ rewriting skills are up to scratch and it won’t seem as terrible as what I think it is.

The water was cold, chilling me right to the bone. My life seemed to flash before my eyes as it built up to this moment when I would have to sink or swim.

It was hard to breathe. Everything I had on me was pulling me down, dragging me into the depths of the river…

Most people have heard of the saying: ‘Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.’ It’s often used to allude to the fact that it’s unlucky for a woman to serve as a bridesmaid for two or more weddings. A harsh judgement, particularly if they haven’t found the one and settled down. The same can also be said of men. I can count on both my hands and a foot, the number of times I’ve been a groomsman to one of my friends. Yet, despite my best efforts on numerous dating sites, I’ve never been able to keep up a steady rapport for more than a month or two.

It’s both heartbreaking and a confidence-killer.

I like to think of myself as a nice guy. Charming, chivalrous, great listener and spinner of fantastic tales.

The one problem? Making them stay.

I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s my breath? That I love my job? Or perhaps I’m fundamentally broken, especially after what happened back during my teen years. Before mum passed away.

But I think the real kicker is something else. And not just in regards to my love life. I’m nearing forty and live with my married sister, her husband and their two terror toddlers. A live-in uncle, if you will. It has a few perks, I’ll admit. The low rent, the free food, shared Netflix subscription…

Yet, nothing else turns the ladies off faster than staying the night. For one, there’s absolutely no privacy. And two? Well, honestly, who’d want to bump into a possible future in-law while sneaking out at five in the morning, sore between the legs?

Some of my colleagues have asked why I haven’t moved out. Found my own place instead of trying to share it.

My answer has always been the same. This is my home. Mum left the house to both me and my sister. Built in the vein of the old Tudor-style houses of the early twentieth century, it’s a haven of memories. I wouldn’t part with it for all the money in the world, even if the cost of renting a place wasn’t so exorbitant that it would take out about 80% of my entire salary.

Perhaps if I wanted to start my own family, I might move out to the suburbs. For now, however, the house catered to my needs with the occasional annoyance. If it wasn’t my nephews trying to sneak into my mancave, it would be the in-law nagging about the upkeep for the one and a half rooms I’d commandeered as my rightful share.

God. Sometimes I wondered what Jennifer ever saw in Shaun. He’s rude, has a holier-than-thou attitude and is a goddamn prick just because he has a doctorate in economics. I hate how he thinks he’s so much better than me because he has an impressive six-digit salary. And if I could rip the smirk from his face, I would. Jen could have literally found anyone else and it would have been better. Well, perhaps not a drug addict. Jen does have some standards.

In any case, my one solace in a life mired by a myriad of difficulties was work. Admittedly, it was not initially my dream job. Over the years, however, it’s grown on me. The clientele, the fact that I’ve been able to make a difference in the lives of people from all walks of life, and the fact that I’m regarded as a valuable member of the team. I like to think that’s because of my natural inclination to fostering a positive atmosphere.

As team leader, it was my responsibility to make sure everything was running smoothly. Like I said before, I’m a nice guy. More importantly, I wanted to make our company the best there when it comes to delivering a vital service to the people of the city. And if that meant staying back for an hour or two, I’d gladly take it. Particularly because, in recent months, we had seen a lot of new staff moving through.

And, with my wealth of experience, it had fallen upon me to train them and ensure that the work they were doing was of the utmost quality. Simple, really.

“Joe, could you come into my office? We need to talk.”

I looked up from my screen. The sudden spike of annoyance I felt was quashed immediately and a smile graced my lips as I nodded briefly to Annie – a dear friend, now manager and acting head of our division. We had worked together for many years before she had received a well-deserved promotion. And unlike many others that had passed through, she knew the work and was willing to listen.

“Just a few minutes, Annie. I need to wrap up this last email,” I said. She gave me a nod before disappearing into her office.

Reluctantly, I turned my attention back to the essay that I had been composing. One of the main problems that I faced with the increased rotation of new staff was the significant dip in client satisfaction. Complaints had increased and the workload was piling up. And someone had to make sure that it didn’t reach an unmanageable level.

Enter: me.

I had been with the company for almost two decades. As soon as I had stepped out of university, diploma in hand, I had applied for the graduate program. Along with Annie, I had been one of the lucky few to be accepted. Ever since, I’ve remained with the company, working my way up the chain of command. With all that experience behind me, it seemed appropriate that I tackle the jobs that we were struggling to fill. I owed it to the one place that brought me solace from the goings on in my life.

At first, I’d start by adding a few minutes here and there to finish off urgent emails. A year later, and with new staff constantly churning their way through, it had become a good three or four hours extra every day.

Not that I’d complain, of course. But perhaps Annie had noticed all the elbow grease I was putting in to keep the company afloat, the clients happy, and making sure all the newbies were doing things right.

Once the email met my exacting specifications, I sent it off. Locking my computer, I brought my mug of coffee with me into Annie’s office.

There was a solemnity to her that I had never seen before. Hands tented before her and brow furrowed, she looked all forty-three of her years. The ring on her finger was a reminder that she had been married for fourteen of those and had two children. Though she had tied her hair back, a strand of grey had managed to come away.

“If this is about Laundale, I’ve just dealt with them,” I said as I sat down in the chair opposite hers. “Hopefully, by offering them a discount for the next job, we can regain a bit of our reputation and goodwill. I know we can always find another customer, but they’ve been with us for years. Besides, it was a simple mistake, easily rectified.”

“What? Oh. Yes. Thank you for that Joe.”

There was something amiss. I could sense it. “What’s wrong, Annie? Did I do something wrong? Things have gotten hectic, what with all the new staff that keep coming through and I’ve tried to train them as well as can be. And I know you didn’t ask it of me, but I’ve also been looking out for any disasters on the horizon, mitigating any damage as best I can. There’s only one of me, though—”

“Actually, that’s why I’ve called you in, Joe. We’ve had complaints.”

“Who? Belinda? Mary? Look. I get it. They’re not the best workers to have. I’ve been hovering over them like a mother hen trying to make sure they don’t slip up on the next big job. Offering them assistance, checking up on them, reviewing their work—”

“Joe, the complaints have been about you.”

“Me?” I asked, astonished. Who would be complaining about me? I was a valuable asset with the company. I knew the ins and outs of the systems. Knew how best to placate each client. It couldn’t have been about me. “That’s impossible.”

Annie leaned forward. “I’m afraid it is, Joe.”

“On what grounds?”

“Harassment. Bullying. Microaggression. And extensive micromanagement,” said Annie. “I’m sorry, Joe, but my hands are tied. I need to put you on leave while we investigate these claims.”

A hot flush enveloped my neck and my face. I rose to my feet. “Who was it? Who’s spreading these lies about me?” One hand slammed against the desk before I could rein in the impulse. I needed to know who would slander my good name after all the things I had done to keep the company afloat. I needed to know who would ruin my one sanctuary in the world.

“You know I can’t tell you, Joe. The complaints are anonymous. Even if I knew the names, company policy means I can’t disclose them to you.”

“This is bullshit, Annie. You know it is.”

Annie let out a sigh. “As I said, Joe, this is out of my control.” She reached out and patted my hand. “Look, see it as a holiday. We can put you on miscellaneous leave. Two weeks and you’ll be back. And this whole thing would have blown over. What we can’t do is give the impression that we’re sweeping this out of the rug.”

After all my years of loyal service and this was how they were going to treat me? I threw Annie a look that spoke of the depth of her betrayal. As she opened her mouth to placate me again, I left. Her small office was stifling. Behind me, the door closed with a slam and I returned to my computer.

Once seated, I took a few deep breaths. It was the only thing I could do to slow the panic that was gnawing at my gut and threatening to erupt. When that didn’t work, I retreated to the restroom. Closing the door to the stall, I sat on the toilet and pondered who would say such terrible things about me. I was Joe. The friendly team leader. Tireless to a fault. Always looking out for the good of the team.

I went through everyone in the office, trying to figure out the vindictive bootlicker that had sullied my character. A few came to mind. Belinda. Mary. Stephen. They were the three most likely suspects.

Yet to come out of the gates, screaming for their heads would only further paint me as the villain. To even ask around, after being seen entering Annie’s office, would make plausible their accusations. Shit. Shit. Shit. Trapped in a Catch-22, my only option was to do as Annie had bid.

Dejected, I flushed the toilet and left.

Whoever it was had ruined my life. I returned to my seat, logged in and looked blankly at the mass of emails that sat in our inbox. Clicking into my own personal work one, I had a look through all the other tasks that needed to be done in the coming days.

There was so much to do. But by the end of the day, Annie had made it clear that I was not expected to step foot in the office for the next fourteen days.

Without my guidance, how were we to keep the company going?

“Did you hear about Joe?”

My ears perked up at the mention of my name. I looked around. Near the kitchen, I spotted Mary and Samantha, engrossed in conversation. I ducked behind the partition before they could spot me.

“Shh! Keep your voice down. What if he hears?” said Mary.

“Let him. He needs to know that he can’t get away with these things. Ever since I joined mid last-year, I’ve felt his breath down my neck. His eyes on the back of my head. He won’t say anything that fits the description of ‘bullying’ but I can’t keep working like this.”

There was a pause. “I know. I heard the rumours, of course, before signing on too. Didn’t believe them until I witnessed it firsthand. Joe always acts like he can get away with anything because he and Annie started at the same time.”

“Do you think something might be going on between them?”

“There might have been something there but Annie’s been married for fourteen years. And happily, from all accounts. Still, I wouldn’t put it past them if they’ve got an arrangement.” Laughter followed. Then footsteps.

Hurriedly, I opened up a word document and began typing something nonsensical. As Mary and Samantha walked past, I gave them a jaunty wave, a forced grin stretching my lips.

The pair of them returned it, though Samantha leaned up to Mary’s ear to whisper something. Mary giggled; a hand pressed to her lips in a rare display of coquettishness that belied her nose for salacious gossip. It was probably another dig at my character. Or an attempt to smear the only good relationship I had in the world. The bitches.

I watched as they rounded the corner and disappeared from view, most likely returning to their seats and a full day of work. Immediately, the grin fell and I flopped back onto my chair. Any motivation for work had deserted me as soon as Annie had called me into her office. But the idea of taking a personal day when the day was already half done did not sit right with me. I would just have to power through and then ponder my life’s direction after I had clocked off for the evening.

As I picked up my mug, I found the coffee cold and disappointing. I spat most of it out. It seemed that I’d have to make a fresh brew. While I usually asked Rina, it seemed particularly poignant that I did it myself. After all, why add further fuel to the fire? They already saw me as a monster. Wouldn’t want another complaint of office bullying or harassment. And over a simple cup of black.

God. When had everything gone so wrong for me? Charming. Charismatic. Those were the words most of my friends had described me back in my university days. And they were the descriptors I had put into my dating profile. I was a bloody nice guy. It was evident that the birds in the office were too blind to see. Except, of course, Annie. She was the only one who really saw me. A shame, then, that she had married so early.

Jackson greeted me in the kitchen. A mature hire, he had joined the company shortly after Annie and I, though he had a wealth of experience behind him. Over the years, his hair had thinned and his stomach had become a solid beer keg. Despite all that, he had a mind like a steep trap. For that very reason, he had risen to the comfortable position of senior manager of Accounts.

Ever since I had known him, he took his lunch early. At 11.30 rather than the prescribed lunch hour. An empty Burger King wrapper sat before him.

“How’s the family?” I asked as I turned on the coffee machine and set a pod into it.

He finished licking his fingers. “Oh, the usual,” he replied in his deep sonorous voice. “They might be all grown up, but sometimes they’re just as helpless as when they were newborns.” He laughed at this, slapping one dark hand against his leg.

“And Lorelei?”

“As lovely as the day I first met her. Have I told you that it’s our anniversary next week? Think you give me some advice on what to get her in the next couple of days?”

I put my mug into the receptacle and pressed the start button. “Actually, I’ll be on leave for the next couple of weeks.”

The big man frowned. “During our busiest period? What the hell is Annie thinking letting you go like—oh. Right. That.”

“So, you know?” I tried to keep the question casual but my shoulders had tensed and the hairs on the back of my neck had stood up to attention.

Jackson nodded. “I’ll tell you what I told Annie. It’s utter bullshit,” he said. “The young people these days, they’re all bloody snowflakes. Can’t say anything without them turning around and going it ain’t politically correct. Whatever that’s supposed to mean.”

“Right? I’ve only been doing what’s best for the company. Helping them out, fixing mistakes.”

“It’s hard to see a good employee get punished for just doing what it takes. Don’t worry, Joe. It’ll all blow over. You’ll see. Then everything can go back to normal.”

His words helped soothe the ache in my chest. Blinking back the sudden onset of allergies, I picked up my coffee and effusively thanked Jackson from the bottom of my heart. It didn’t matter what the others said. I still had allies. And Jackson was the most stalwart of them.

The rest of the day passed too quickly for my liking. Before I knew it, the clock had hit 6pm and I was being ushered out of the door. Cut off from the one thing that brought me joy for the next two weeks. I hadn’t even managed to send a roster out to the team, to make sure that they would be on top of things before I returned before Annie had gently coaxed me from the computer and escorted from the premises.

It was as if I had lost a limb.

Too morose to head back home, I decided that my best course of action was to head to the local pub. A good drink was just the right medicine for dismay and heartbreak. And Hell, I deserved it. For too long, I’d put up with training new staff (and my two nephews). It was good to finally let loose after a long while. Maybe, if I was lucky, Little Joe would also get some loving.

Spirits buoyed, I headed for the Gold Lion. Though not too close to the office, good food and a plentiful of beer on tap, it was one of the best places in the city for a man needing to drown his sorrows. Beyond that, it also had a warm atmosphere of camaraderie even if it could get a little rowdy at times as people crowded around the TV sets to cheer for their favourite teams.

The walk was a lazy fifteen minutes. Out in the fresh air, I was able to contemplate my choices for the next two weeks. My sister and, by extension, her husband, could not know that I had been placed under miscellaneous leave pending an investigation into false allegations of workplace harassment. Shaun would have a field day and I desperately did not want to give him the satisfaction. Somehow, over the next few days, I’d have to come up with a plausible excuse. Or simply head to the local café to while away the hours.

I walked into the pub and was immediately assaulted by the sounds of the pokies and their bright flashy lights. Several minutes later, I had checked in and had nabbed a spot at the bar. In one hand, I nursed a pint of beer and was taking a look around at the clientele present.

Given that it was the start of the working week and that the evening was still young, the Golden Lion was still almost empty. A few families had trickled in, regulars perhaps, or tourists. As well as a few couples looking for a place that was relatively cheap. One group of rowdy rabblerousers settled around a table not too far from me. With nothing better to do, I gave into curiosity, taking a peek over my shoulder.

Four men, roughly around their mid-thirties, and two women, who looked much younger and more naïve. One of them had long blonde hair, tied into a neat ponytail. The other had a dark curtain of brown. She had almond-shaped eyes and small button nose. A jolt went through me. I knew her.

Yet no matter how I wracked my brains, a name would not come. Maybe it was the three mouthfuls I’d already had, or maybe I was finally entering the age of dementia.

Nor could I rightly say where I knew her from. She could have been a new employee that I trained or one of the lovely ladies I had swiped left on because they were too young or we had dissimilar interests. After all, I’m not a monster or a paedophile.

Still, the question remained: what was she doing here? And with such company?

She was a tiny little waif. Barely a woman in almost every regard. The men, on the other hand, looked like common thugs, born on the wrong side of the tracks. Two wore high vis vests. Their work boots covered in white. One of them had a scar that ran down the left side of his face. Another was dressed casually in a loose white shirt and a pair of cargo pants. Built like a bruiser, he kept his hair cropped short. The last had high lace-up boots. Metal chains adorned his pants. On top, he wore a studded leather jacket.

As I took another sip of my drink, I decided that the most prudent course of action was to keep an eye on the girl. There was no telling what possible danger she might be in as the night wore on. Spiked drinks, unwanted attention, coercive demands…

The list went on. Of course, not all men would stoop so low.

But, as a representative of the chivalrous sex, it was imperative that I demonstrated the side that the media tended to gloss over when they covered stories on abuse and harassment. Better yet, it would prove how wrong the allegations made at work would be. God, if I could pull this off, I could waltz into Annie’s office and have my due recompense for the slander to my good name and reputation.

As the night wore on, the men seemed to get louder and bolder with their lewd remarks as their faces grew red with drink. By nine, they could barely say anything remotely intelligible.

Both the girl I knew and the blonde appeared to grow more uncomfortable as time passed. Their wines sat untouched on the table. As the conversation turned towards their personal lives, the brunette exchanged a glance with her companion before they headed off to the washroom.

In their absence, the men were eager to compare the two. I couldn’t hear much, given all the other additional noise in the pub. What little I did catch turned my stomach. I pitied anyone who would ever deign to date them. Let alone marry the fools. They were worse than Shaun. And that was saying something.

When the women returned, they still seemed somewhat uneasy and shy. The men, on the other hand, had changed on the dime, upping the charm. It was like watching an experienced horse trainer trying to calm a few jittery fillies by plying them with apples and sugar cubes.

Another hour or two passed and I was on my fourth drink. Where once it had soothed my restless spirit, the beer now tasted cold and sour on my tongue. I pushed it aside, unable to stomach any more of the swill. And, in all honesty, I should have gone home. Jen would be wondering where I was. Though I came home late every night, I’d never stayed out after eleven. Even if I had a very good reason to stay longer. I eyed the brunette, worried about what would happen when I finally abandoned my vigil.

It was all well and good to march up to the men and give them a piece of my mind. But I was no fool. Why start a fight I couldn’t win? Even in a best-case scenario, I’d be thrown out on my arse with a new shiner. Unless these men did something more overt, my hands were tied.

Just as I rose from my stool, so too did the women.

“It was very nice to meet you all,” said the brunette. “Natasha and I had a lot of fun.”

“Come on, stay a little longer. The night’s still young,” cajoled one of the men. He was on his fifth Heineken.

She smiled politely. “Thank you for the kind offer. Unfortunately, we both have an early start tomorrow.”

The one with the scar rose to his feet. “Well, if that’s the case, it would be wrong to let you go home alone. You must have heard the stories, right? Why don’t we walk you back to your apartment?”

“Oh no. I couldn’t impose,” said the brunette. “Really, it’s not necessary. We can call a cab.”

“Nonsense. It’s the right thing to do, right lads?” He was greeted by a chorus of affirmatives and leering grins.

A cold chill went down my spine as my hands curled into fists. It was as if the present faded away and I could see how the future would play out. After all, the way they had dressed – particularly the blonde with her plunging neckline – I couldn’t let that happen. I wouldn’t. These two women needed a knight in shining armour to save them. Jen would understand. Annie too, for that matter.

I followed them, tottering a little on my feet. Perhaps I did have a little too much to drink.

Stepping out into the night, the air was cold and brisk. I was grateful for my wool lined coat, a present from my mother so long ago. All I wanted was a hot shower and then to sleep off the hangover that was already brewing. Scanning the streets, I caught a glimpse of blonde as it crested the hill. They were headed towards the bridge.

Hand tucked into pockets and with my collar turned upwards, I hurried after them – terrified I’d lose them.

Cars zoomed past along the bridge. Up ahead, the group had stopped halfway between one pool of light and the next. From where I stood, several metres back pretending to look at my phone, it was hard to make out what was going on. All I knew was that it wasn’t good.

As I had shadowed the group, making sure I maintained enough distance that it looked like I was just any other person on the streets out late at night., I had seen the men laugh and joke – hands reaching down low for a cheeky pinch on the bottom or a gratuitous grope.

Something was wrong. I could feel it in my bones. Why else would they have lingered in the darkness for so long?

A scream pierced the night.

Immediately, I was racing towards the group. My heart was thudding a million beats a minute in my chest. Was I too late? In my haste, I stumbled on an uneven part of the pavement. A curse flew from my lips as I regained my balance. When I looked back up, the men had their grubby hands on the blonde Natasha. She was thrashing in their grasp – fear evident in her eyes.

“Hey! What the Hell are you doing? Let her go!”

One of the men, the punk, glanced in my direction. “She wants it, mate. We’re doing her a favour, yeah? If you play your cards right, you can have your turn.”

It was just the distraction Natasha needed. She freed one arm, her palm shooting up to break the nose of a man in a high vis vest. He let go, swearing under his breath. By the time he realised where her knee was headed, it was too late. Within seconds, he was bowled over clutching his crown jewels.

She spat on him and gave him another kick in the stomach, her teeth bared into a vicious snarl.

“The cops are on their way,” I said. It was a wild bluff. I was hoping to scare the men rather than fight them on my own. “Stick around a while longer, you and your fellas will have to explain what you were doing with these lovely ladies on a bridge in the middle of the night.”

“S’not a crime!”

“Think that’s going to fly with the authorities?” I gasped. “Or in a court of law?” My lungs burned from the exertion and a stitch had formed in my side.

There was a moment’s heated debate among the men. “Fuck it. Getting some pussy ain’t worth that much trouble. Let’s go. We can always try another day.”

I breathed a sigh of relief when they left. Jogging, I joined up with Natasha and the brunette. “How are the two of you holding up?”

“Could have taken all of them without your help,” said Natasha. She was breathing hard was caked in sweat. Her mascara ran down her face in thick streaks. “Still, thanks for the assistance.”

“And your friend?”

Natasha nodded towards the bundle of a girl curled into a ball. “I should have listened to Siobhan from the start. But I thought that she was just being too high-strung. Siobhan has been trying to deal with an overbearing team leader. I keep telling her that there are other places she could apply for work but she said she’d feel guilty for letting the team down. First job, you know.”

As the name left her lips, realisation struck. She was the one that had only just started at the company not two weeks ago. I remembered her as a starry-eyed graduate that was prone to repeated and costly mistakes. Last Friday, I had pulled her aside for a private chat on her performance and what she could do to improve. I had thought she had taken it well. No complaints had passed her lips and her eyes had been dry when she left the meeting room.

Maybe I had been wrong.

I crouched down beside Siobhan. “Hey, you’re safe now. Let’s take you home, all right?” I gently reached for her arm.

As my fingers touched her skin, Siobhan flinched back. Brown eyes locked with mine but it was as if she didn’t recognise me. With a feral growl, she knocked my hand away. I rose to my feet and started to back away. Siobhan seemed to have none of that. She came after me, hounding me with pushes and prods.

It was as my legs hit the railing that I realised that we were still on the bridge. Siobhan came at me then, her hand curled back into a fist. In my attempt to dodge out of the way, I overbalanced and, pinwheeling, went over.

Wind roared in my ears as the world turned upside down. As I impacted the water, the pain and the cold robbed me of breath. Panic seized me. And it felt like the more I swam, the further the surface was. I couldn’t tell where I needed to go. It was as if I was stuck in place. The more I tried to resist, the more tightly I bound myself as I sank further into the depths of the river.

The cold was like an eldritch force that sapped what little strength I had.

It didn’t help that everything I had on me only served to make me sink like a stone. But while they were a burden, I could not simply let them go. These were important reminders of my life. Many contained precious memories. To abandon them would be like cutting off a limb. An impossible act.

The last of my air vanished into the dark waters of the river and I knew my life was forfeit.

Why had I allowed myself to be weighed down by other people’s opinions and expectations? Why had I put myself into a position of no upward momentum for my career? Did I need to put so much responsibility on my own shoulders? If I had trusted the others in my company, perhaps fewer mistakes would be made. By hovering over every new staff member like a mother hen, I had more than likely hampered any possibility of growth or deterred them from the company.

And what did it matter that mother had bought me the coat during the year she had died?

Yes, there was a sentimental value to it and it kept me warm. But it was also the tool of my own destruction. What was more important? That I held onto a worn piece of clothing for nigh on eight years or that I live?

The answer was clear.

With the last of my ebbing power, I shed the heavy coat and the boots that Jen had got me three Christmases ago. All the things that I had carried with me for so long, I threw away. Life was more important than a few material trinkets. I could always get more if I wanted to after I made sure I survived. Frantic, I chose a direction and began to kick.

As my lungs burned, I made a promise to God that if he saved me now, I would do everything in my power to change.

Darkness filled the edges of my vision and it was an effort to keep holding my breath when I needed air.

I wasn’t going to make it…

…

Breaking the surface, I gulped in as much air as I could. For the first time, I relished how sweet it tasted and put into perspective all the things I had simply taken for granted.