Murder Hobo

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

Four years ago, I bought and tried to play through the Enhanced Edition of Baldur’s Gate. Somehow, I managed to get myself killed and abandoned the game for something a little more cinematic and exciting. Fast forward to 2020 and I decided to try it again. This time, though, on the most easy of settings. Why, I hear you ask? Because I didn’t want a repeat of my previous time with the game and wanted to see the story to the end. And so my journey began again as the Ward of Gorion. But this time, I would see it through.

Like many role playing games (RPG) that came after it, Baldur’s Gate allows players to customise their main character. It isn’t as complicated as more recent games – such as selecting hair styles and modifying cheekbones – but it was serviceable enough in that I was able to choose my race, class and put some additional points into my awesome thieving skills. I’m not sure why I always pick a thief in most RPGs. Perhaps it’s because that they have access to certain items earlier due to their ability to steal and lockpick their way into chests. Yes. That’s probably it. For a completionist such as myself, it allows me to discover what’s sitting in a locked chest and decide whether or not it’s something I need.

From my humble beginnings of running around Candlekeep, I was thrust out into the much more wild Sword Coast. With Gorion slain by unknown adversaries, I was quick to befriend any and all that were also on the road as I made my way to the Friendly Arm Inn. It is here where the game shines with its choice of companions. Almost immediately, I had Imoen, Xzar and Montaron as I ventured to the rendezvous my earnest father-figure had set up for me. Once there, I managed to recruit Jaheira and Khalid to my cause. 

By the time I was properly investigating the iron crisis and had headed down to Nashkel, though, I had far too many options open for party members. It is here, I feel, that Baldur’s Gate stumbles a little. While it makes sense to have a variety of choices for differently aligned characters, it also makes it a lot harder to keep some of the more interesting and nuanced ones due to the needs of the party. It might have been intriguing to have Eldoth and Skie Silvershield in my team, but I already had a bard in Garrick and I was already a pure thief build.

Then there were the conflicting motives of the companion characters. Many of these things work on paper but trying to see the dynamism and interactions between each companion character can be difficult. It is why I much prefer keeping numbers small so that more time can be spent on developing motivations and connections. 

I also disliked that many characters were linked to others. Jaheira and Khalid, Montaron and Xzar…Minsc and Dynaheir. It made things difficult because I couldn’t fill my party with the roles I required. Or the people I wanted.

The narrative and mystery surrounding the iron ore crisis, also proved to be an excellent way to string me along. While each chapter varies in length (I much prefer a three-act story a la Pillars of Eternity rather than having seven), each portion of the plot managed to keep me invested until the very end. Yes, a lot of it is cliche and how Sarevok manages to get away with most of it requires a little suspension of disbelief. Still, Baldur’s Gate was quite captivating from start to end. In particular, I like many of the additions to the base game that Beamdog made. From the new characters to the upgraded visuals and cutscenes.

I also thoroughly enjoyed the expansion: Siege of Dragonspear. This one was less open-world and funnelled players to the natural conclusion. Whereas I was freely able to spend as much time as I wanted exploring all the different maps, Siege of Dragonspear made them a little bit smaller and more manageable. It also made more sense in the context of the expansion that time was limited and you were part of a military force. As such, it felt like there were more stakes in the story than in the base game. Old characters also return, but not all join up with your motley crew. This made it more interesting to diversify my party.

The mechanics, like the games that came afterwards is based on the rules of Dungeons and Dragons. In Baldur’s Gate, this is because the world of Faerun is ripped from Dungeons and Dragons lore. But because of that, I found the combat a little lacklustre. Yes, you can pause and select spells and abilities, but it never felt as intuitive as more recent titles such as Divinity: Original Sin. Still, it made one think about party composition and one’s next move. Or whether or not to use a spell now as opposed to later down the track.

Encounters were also quite varied. From simple battles with wolves and gibberings to much more challenging ones with Saverok and a demon that had death gaze. This meant positioning characters and liberal uses of the pause function. Of course, since I was playing this on the easiest mode available, I had no fear of my characters dying permanently. As such, much of the challenge evaporated. But, for someone who is looking for something a little more tactical, the systems are there to enjoy a proper game with hidden dice rolls under the hood (with my luck, though, that is unfortunately not something I would like to leave to chance).

Overall, Baldur’s Gate told an interesting origin story for the Hero of Baldur’s Gate and I’m looking forward to see what Larian Studios does with the IP in Baldur’s Gate 3. Of course, I’d need to play through Baldur’s Gate II: Shadows of Amn if I want to understand what’s happening with our dear little Bhaalspawn. 

The Gaming Bug

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

Among my friends, I am often known as the one that plays video games. My love for the medium is so great that many assume that I probably came out of my mother’s womb with a controller in hand. Most think that I’ve played everything from the early Atari 2600 to more recent consoles such as the PlayStation 4. As such, it came as a shock to Bleachpanda that I had never owned the original PlayStation. I didn’t even have a Nintendo 64. Or a Sega Saturn. Yes, this blogger of video games never quite got to experience the joys of those first few games that transitioned to 3D. 

Despite that, I had a couple of friends and neighbours that allowed me to stretch my gaming wings quite early on their home consoles. From my neighbours, I was able to enjoy the likes of Crash Bandicoot. I was never any good at it, but it was good to enjoy for an hour or two before I darted back home.

It was my primary school friend, however, that really gave me more control and choice in what games to play. I remember going to his house on the weekends and enjoying such titles as Wu-Tang: Shaolin Style and Barbie: Explorer (which mostly belonged to his sister). The two games that stole my imagination, though, was Croc: Legend of the Gobbos and Disney’s Hercules Action Game.

I am not sure whether or not he was missing a memory card but always I played the first few hours of Croc. Unfortunately, we never finished the game in one sitting and I was vaguely disappointed by the fact that I never saw the game to its final conclusion. What little plot that I did enjoy was quite charming and the graphics at the time, impressive.

Disney’s Hercules Action Game was another beast entirely. I remember playing through and finishing the game in about six hours. Perhaps it was because we tried to collect everything or because we were fairly young and had yet to grasp that memorising the levels was key to finishing the game more quickly.

Regardless, I remembered that we would hand the controller over once we had completed a level and enjoyed the simplicity of re-enacting the scenes from the movie. 

I also had another set of family friends that were quite wealthy. The twin boys used to play a plethora of games and I would occasionally participate. One memory in particular that stuck out was playing Pokemon Stadium. I remember that though I never owned the console or had time to practice, I was always able to quickly grasp the controls and thoroughly beat them in several mini-games. My pride and joy was the Sandshrew Dig! Dig! Dig! Lickitung’s Sushi-Go-Round and Clefairy Says were only memorable, though I didn’t always win.

If it had not been for these gaming moments during my childhood, it’s hard to say whether or not I would have grown up to write my impressions on video games and post it on my blog. Or perhaps I would have still loved it for I had Warcraft III: Reign of Chaos to whet my appetite. I probably shouldn’t be admitting this but I had many of the earlier chapters memorised. I knew each and every line, and would quote it to myself during long road trips down to Jindabyne.

So, even though I might not have played many games when I was a lot younger (or finished them), I often reflect back on these integral moments of my childhood. How else would i have discovered the likes of Advance Wars and Golden Sun if it had not been for my envy? Would I have bothered with the likes of Final Fantasy if my imagination had not first been captured by Kingdom Hearts?

So many things could have played out so differently. All I know is that I do not regret the time that I spent enjoying video games with my friends and neighbours. 

Date with Destiny (with a Capital D)

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

When I watched the announcement at E3 about Final Fantasy VII Remake, I was terribly excited. Though the Final Fantasy series has been one of my favourites since I first played Final Fantasy X, I have never actually played the original Final Fantasy VII.Instead, I read everything I could find and watched walkthroughs (including Dirge of Cerberus) as well as the film: Advent Children and Advent Children Complete. When Crisis Core released on PlayStation Portable (PSP), I also bought that to immerse myself in the entirety of the Final Fantasy VII universe. And when I told one of my close friends, Bleachpanda, about it, they were surprised that I had never played the original. But while I could have purchased the re-release on the PlayStation 4, I wanted to see the game that had captured the imagination of so many people in high definition quality.

As most people in Australia know, the game released a whole nine days earlier than it was supposed to: on 1st of April. After I had mistakenly taken the express train, I was perusing my messages and saw my friend post her excitement that Final Fantasy VII Remake was out. Immediately, I used my situation to my advantage and went to buy the game – despite the fact that I had no facial mask and was entering a shopping centre with a possible high risk of infection. After sweating up a storm by rushing to all the stores, I finally had the copy in hand. 

However, it would not be until I had finished Yakuza 4 that I could begin my journey with Cloud and the Avalanche team. Suffice it to say, I was incredibly excited. From the score to Cloud’s lovely cheekbones. In fact, I could not believe my good fortune that I was actually playing the game. It didn’t seem real that I would have in my hands despite the ongoing pandemic. From there, my hype built as I defeated the Scorpion sentinel and moved on to the Seventh Heaven. When Tifa’s theme sounded, I had to resist the urge to shed a tear. 

I might not have played the original, but gosh darn it, I loved the characters as much as any fan.

Even the little details were so exciting to see. Though there were several changes to the game, it was clear that the developers loved the game as much as its fans did. I liked how Cloud and the gang kept their victory poses for when they were in the Coliseum. The up-scaled Church, the bar, Wall Market and Aerith’s house. Learning more about many of the side characters also helped build a solid connection to them. From Jessie’s tragic backstory of her dad collapsing in Mako storage in her debut as the role of Princess at the Golden Saucer (goodness me, if she knew about the shenanigans of Cloud and the rest of the party, she’d probably throw a fit), to Bigg’s contribution to the Sector 5 orphanage. This even extended to the differences in Tifa’s and Aerith’s cleavage sizes. Not that I was paying particular attention…

Okay, maybe a little. But I’m glad that they also gave appropriate footwear and gear for the characters. 

But my goodness, that pull-up challenge took me fifty minutes! It wasn’t even in the original! And the trophy did not feel worth it after how difficult Jules was. Never again! 

Then the characters also called me out for going in the wrong direction. I’m not! I’m trying to explore every nook and cranny of this world Square-Enix has bequeathed us and to find as many items as I can find! 

The combat, though, was the one that had the most changes. Gone is the turn-based battle system. While players can play on classic, according to my friend Bleachpanda, it was less than exciting. Particularly when the AI just stood around guarding most of the time. As for me, I played on Normal Mode. The battle mechanics felt like they used bits and pieces from other games: such as Final Fantasy XV and Final Fantasy XIII. It also incorporated elements of the original Active Time Battle system, but I found it frustrating that all of my more powerful abilities, and even items, were gated behind a slowly rising bar – particularly for the AI-controlled party members. Of course, Final Fantasy VII Remake also allowed players to switch between members and I found I had to do this on a fairly regular basis depending on the battle. 

Also, your ATB abilities, spells and item usages could also be interrupted. This proved particularly frustrating in difficult battles where I was hoping to take advantage of an enemy’s weakness, only to be batted to the side because of an air attack.

It also felt, on numerous fights, that I had to think of these battles less like a turn-based battle and more like an action adventure, hack and slash. Instead of just absorbing spells and attacks, I needed to evade and guard. This was clearly evident in several solo battles with Roche and even Rufus Shinra. I had to read attack patterns, avoid some of their deadly moves and strike when they had an opening. All the while, trying to keep my ATB gauge up and ready for some quick healing or spell casting. 

Let’s move on now to the characters and the story. But where to begin? How about the ending that proved incredibly divisive among many fans. My friend, Bleachpanda, was sorely disappointed by the presence of the Whispers and how the last two chapters transpired. She, unlike me, had been banking on nostalgia to pull her and was more excited to seeing the original recreated in perfect high definition. If you read her posts on Final Fantasy VII Remake you will learn that she was mightily disappointed that how Cloud manages to obtain his dress was very different (although she probably still liked our ex-Soldier shaking his tush on stage. Heck, I think everyone was channelling Aerith and shouting at our screens for Cloud to work it). 

The whole talk of destiny and changing fate, though, probably left many fearing that the rest of the Final Fantasy VII Remake would be a very different beast from their childhoods. What with talk about alternate timelines and the possibility of time travel. As well as that last parting shot of Zack Fair. In fact, there are plenty of videos on YouTube that try to explain the ending. 

Now, I profess, time travel has always sat ill with me. And Square-Enix has not always used it well. The first Bravely Default comes to mind as does Kingdom Hearts 3 and the time loops of Type-0. Or even what they tried to do with the Final Fantasy XIII franchise. All those retcons in FFXIII-2 made me wonder if it was all worth it. Lightning’s character development in the first game was all but forgotten and rehashed over Lightning Returns. Still, as this was mostly penned by the original writer (though people will still blame Nomura), I feel like much of the motivations and several story beats will remain the same. The settings will also not change and I am eager to see Cosmo Canyon, Nibelheim, Junon and so many other places.

In saying that, though, I’m not sure if Aerith will die. Or if she does, whether it will have the same shocking effect that it did in the original. Of course, by now, everyone and their mothers know what to expect and perhaps this was a way for Square Enix to keep players on their toes. What about Cloud falling into the Lifestream and Tifa trying to sort out his memories from the false persona he created? The slap fight between Tifa and Scarlet? My friend, Bleachpanda, just wants to see Professor Hojo surrounded by girls that are trying to flirt with him. Who knows. It might happen. Or it might not. Hence why so many are terrified at the direction of the new games.

The rest of the narrative, however, proved just as exciting with a few little additions along the way. Sephiroth appearing, though, in the second chapter threw me for a loop, even though I appreciated the foreshadowing. Chapter 4 was all devoted to learning and bonding more with the other members of Avalanche. I very much liked their expanded roles, although casting Gideon Emery as Biggs was a bit of a distraction as I could clearly hear his Balthier trying to break through, particularly in the earlier scenes. Don’t get me wrong, I love my Balthier. And Biggs is quite good looking himself.

This whole Midgar portion of the game also remained mostly faithful to the original Final Fantasy VII and its timeline. It also made things a little more realistic and showed fans of the original, more sides of the characters they had come to love. Also, I like that despite the love triangle being set up between Cloud, Tifa and Aerith, there was a strong sense of camaraderie among the girls. They lifted each other up rather than tear each other down. Even Jessie was trying to get in on the action with all the flirting she did. In fact, I just wanted to ship Aerith and Tifa for the long haul. 

What I also thought cute was the little swear the left Aerith’s lips when the ladder fell and Cloud had to help lift her up. It was also comical to see Cloud try to pull his Buster Sword out when confronted by one of the other Sephiroth clones and having it catch on the door jam. 

Barret, on the other hand, was a little preachy in the first few chapters. There can be no denying his love for Marlene, but it grated on me how much exposition he provided on the train ride back to Sector 7. Still, once we finally get into the meat of the games, I would love to see all their backstories, cry when appropriate and cheer for them when they finally emerge victorious. 

I also liked many of the environmental story telling. Particularly in Chapter 2 and seeing the aftermath of what Avalanche’s actions had done. Granted, Heidegger and President Shinra had a hand in it, but it was clear that Jessie and many others were devastated by the damage they had wrought. It was also gut-wrenching to see the remains of Sector 7 after the plate fell. Reeve, in the form of Cait Sith, tried and failed to save the people and even though he was controlling an animatronic cat, you could still see his devastation.

Overall, I have to say that I enjoyed my time with Final Fantasy VII Remake. By the time the game ended, I felt a little bereft, wanting to see more of each character and really dive down deep into their psych. Just like before, Tifa is much more reticent and closed off. It warmed my heart that in Hojo’s lab, Aerith asked Tifa if she was okay. As someone who is also similarly guarded, it’s good to know that someone else cares. Red XIII was also a great addition in the last two chapters, though it was a shame we could not play as him. 

The ending might have left a sour taste in the mouths of many, but I know that I, for one, am eager to see where the unknown journey takes us next and seeing old familiar faces. We still have Cid, Yuffie and Vincent to find! Also, Marlene is so cute and precious and must be protected at all costs.

Disaster Relief

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

2020 has not been the best of years. I know that many had hoped the start of a new decade would bring new dreams and hopes. It was a time to set new goals and to make the best of a rough few years. 

Alas, in these first few months, we’ve battled pandemics, watched Britain leave the European Union and read about Trump’s impeachment trials.

In Australia, many of our states had experienced terrifying bushfires that were mostly due to climate change. And even now, rural towns and those industries reliant on trades such as hospitality are struggling. Is it any wonder that a short story emerged from these joint experiences?

Unfortunately, this isn’t a happy-go-lucky story. But I wanted to explore and not forget about the people that are still doing it tough in these times. I’ve posted this on my FictionPress account but also wanted to share it here on WordPress.

16 September

The lilac purple of the summer was slowly beginning to fade. In their place, the leaves of the deciduous trees, painstakingly planted so many years ago, were beginning to change. It should have enticed droves of tourists into the mountains. Hundreds upon thousands. Business should have been booming. But the fires had seen to that. If they hadn’t destroyed businesses or homes, they had blanketed the entire region in a hateful smog.

What should have been a flood was but a mere trickle. Even when the rain came, people were hesitant. And only a few brave souls had cared to risk the visit up the mountains to the small town I call home.

I can’t rightly blame them. Anyone would be fearful. People’s memories are long and it was only a month ago when so many lives had been lost to the flames. I heard there was an inquest, actually, into the whole reason behind the fires: whether it was poor reduction practices or arsonists. It’s all bullshit.

How long have we been in drought?  How many years has it been when it seemed like summer would never end? The answer is staring us right in the face but our politicians are refusing to call it for what it is: climate change!

Sometimes when I watch the news, I just want to throw a bottle at the smug expression on the president’s face. He has no idea what it’s like to see small local business close up shop. To see friends and neighbours move away, giving up the dream of a lifetime. Or entire family lineages uprooted.

This wasn’t just a bad year.

It was a complete and utter clusterfuck.

Sorry. I’m just trying to get my feeling down. Writing all this down is new to me. But I read somewhere online that it might help with all the anger. God. My family can’t even afford a fucking therapist.

Is it any wonder that some of the younger kids, still fresh out of high school, are going out for joyrides and lapping it up at the bar despite being underage? I heard from the local sheriff that it’s only going to get worse. Vandalism now, break-ins and property damage in just a few weeks.

My family has been lucky. Dad had been saving up a small nest egg just for emergencies. We’ll be able to live all right for a while. If business doesn’t pick up soon, though, we might just be like the others. Forgotten.

I haven’t told my family but I set up a storefront on Etsy, Ebay and Amazon. It might help keep us afloat because we deal with unique and quirky items. Yet, I can’t help feeling that it won’t be enough. It’s hard to stand out on those kinds of sites. A picture might be worth a thousand words, but it’s not the same as holding a hand carved trinket and feeling the weight in the palm of your hand.

29 September

Numbers are still down and peak tourist season is right around the corner when it comes to fall sightseeing. I’ve been watching the news lately and there’s something happening in China. A virus or something. So, in their infinite wisdom, the government saw fit to impose a travel ban. Those are our best customers! How is our town meant to recoup the losses from all the lost business?

Dad says it’s fine. That the last year made us a killing and we can weather the storm. But I’m just worried about winter. A lot of good people might have to go without gas or electricity to keep them warm.

It’s decided then. Every year during Halloween, there’s a farmer’s market down in the city. I could hire a stall and sell some of our goods. A simple Google search tells me that they’re not too expensive, but if I want to do this, I’ll need to use my own money.

That’s okay. It’ll be an investment. For the future. Whatever this virus is, it’ll be gone in a couple of weeks. I can feel it in my bones.

Then everything will go back to how it was before. Normal.

But what if it doesn’t?

There have been nights when I’ve lain awake, tossing and turning. Wondering what will happen to us if the worst should come to pass. Already, I’ve seen Sally Mae tempted. Two years of sobriety for what? She’ll slip of the wagon sooner rather than later if things keep going downhill.

I know it’s pointless – trying to make sense of the impossible. Mom always said it was better to focus on the immediate problems. At least I’d have control and know what I had to do. And that’s what I’ve been trying to do. Business will be slow for the foreseeable future, but that doesn’t mean I can’t help my family soften the blow. I do have that, at least.

In any case, I’ll be busy in the next few weeks. There are a few calls I’ll need to make to both friends and connections. I’ll see if I can’t get a stall for cheap and start prepping for Halloween. Hell, maybe I should also start sending a few CVs out and see what work I can get.  

24 October

I am a fucking idiot.

Why did I sink so much of my savings on a hare-brained scheme? I should have known it for what it was. A scam. Shit. Shit. Shit. Even worse than that, my plans to sell things at the farmer’s market is a bust. They cancelled. How could they not when the entire state is in a goddamn lockdown?

I suppose, though, that our mountain town can call itself lucky. It isn’t likely that any of us will be severely affected considering how remote we are and no-one has had the opportunity to venture further than the outskirts. Even if someone did leave, they wouldn’t return, dreaming as they did of a better life.

Work also called to say that they were ending my contract. Good riddance. It was the next town over but the drive was torture. Half of my pay went into paying for gas, anyways.

Of course, this doesn’t bode well for our business. Hell, the last two months were terrible. There were the occasional tourists but we were lucky if we got more than a thousand bucks in sales.

Shit. What’s going to happen to us come winter?

3 December

Thanksgiving came and went. It was a pretty paltry offering. Friends and neighbours came together in a band of solidarity, true, but it also meant that we only got a small portion of all the food. Not sure when the army is expected to come through, dropping off care packages. It’s the least the president can do after announcing a stimulus package to keep the economy going.

Well, we can’t use that fucking money if we’ve all starved to death!

Mom keeps saying that anger won’t save the problem. That we need to ensure social distancing and making sure we’re all healthy. It’s goddamn winter! I’ll be surprised if none of us manage to catch the flu or a cold.

Sometimes I wonder that maybe Sally Mae had the right idea. I don’t know how she did it. She probably has connections to some very bad people. Now she’s as high as a kite and none of our current situation bothers her at all. Instead, she just smiles and says that if we give in to the Old One, everything will be all right. Sounds like nonsense to me. But sometimes I wish I could just as easily let all of the pent-up frustration and fear go.

I know mom and dad won’t read this. Yet it still feels like I’m incriminating myself by putting this down on paper. Actually, forget it. Better not. If this is ever used for evidence in some courtroom, I’d be toasted. Not like you can plead the fifth when you’ve written it clear as day.

??

(Illegible scribblings follow with a crude drawing of a strange creature. It has two massive bat-like wings on its back and its face is a mass of tentacles. The body is a writhing mess. At the end of the page a message is written: This world is but a dream.)

1 January

Happy fucking New Year!

Sales are down. Businesses are closing. People are packing up and leaving. But not us. Oh no. Our family has been here for generations. It doesn’t matter if our home is now a veritable ghost town. We can’t leave. We won’t leave. I would have taken another one of Sally Mae’s pills but I’ve been having these strange dreams lately. I don’t know if it’s the drugs or my crippling anxiety.

To be honest, feeling happy and forgetting my worries for a few short hours isn’t worth waking up in the middle of the night, half strangled by my bedsheets. Or finding myself covered in sweat, getting hot flashes.

I probably shouldn’t put this down and yet I need to clear my thoughts. Particularly after the dream I had last night. It started like so many of the others. There was a man, dressed in a smart suit that was all in black. His body wasn’t exactly proportionate, as if his limbs were too long.

When he turned towards me, it was like looking at a distorted reflection of myself. Though I couldn’t make out his features, I had the impression that he was far older than anyone else I knew.

Usually, he would beckon and I would follow. He would take me to a forest glade high up in the mountains. One I had visited a long time ago with my parents and my sisters.

This time, though, I refused his offer and he glared balefully at me. He asked me a question. I don’t recall what it was. All I remember was vehemently shaking my head. That seemed to anger the man and he lunged towards me. He grabbed me by the throat and lifted me up high. His arm transforming into a huge slippery appendage, wrapped around my torso and began to squeeze. 

It should have terrified me. I think a part of me was. What did the man – this creature – intend to do to me? Was I going to die?

As my consciousness began to fade, the man pulled me close. His breath stank of rotting fruit as he whispered dirty secrets right into my ear. He promised me the world and chuckled when I tried to weakly squirm out of his grip. Then, he released me and I was finally able to take in a fresh lungful of air. Chuckling, he walked away, amber eyes gleaming in the dark.

“Soon,” he said as he faded back into the darkness around me.

And then I was awake, a familiar ache down between my legs.

God, what is wrong with me? I would blame it on drugs but it’s been at least a week since I last had them. Maybe it’s the town and being cooped up inside for most of the day, even though there’s not much chance I’ll catch the virus here in town. Of course, that doesn’t stop the sheriff from slapping us hard-working folk with a hefty fine for hosting a party or barbeque.

Screw it. I need to get out. Take in some fresh air. Sheriff can’t fine me if she doesn’t see me in the first place.

24 January

Mom is keeping me in my rooms and I’m deathly bored. It’s because I came down with a cold. But for all she knows, I could have been infected with the new virus that’s ravaging the country still. She brings me food and leaves it outside the door, knocks to let me know. As if we were living some twisted version of the Stanford experiment.

With time to spare, I’m trying to work out my anger and anxiety. Although being cooped up inside is slowly driving me insane. I’ve always been someone who’s out and about. Dad always liked me serving out front on the counter because of how friendly I was when it came to chatting with customers. I had a natural gift of persuading tourists to part with their money for even the silliest of trinkets.

Shit, just thinking of how life used to be makes me almost incoherent with rage and grief. My throat’s all clogged up. And not just with excess mucus.

I don’t think writing is helping.

Maybe I’ll just close my eyes and hope for dreams of happier days.

2 February

Our savings are running low. Thank God for the government relief package.

A few weeks ago, I might have sneered at the paltry amount our fair president had deigned to grant us lowly small businesses. But now? I’ll take every penny and dime that I possibly can. Now’s not the time to complain when it means that our very survival is on the line. Our last few meals were canned peaches and tuna. We’re barely scraping by and the town is dwindling almost to nothing.

In other news, mom got sick. Probably caught it from me. She’s a high fever and a nasty cough. Whereas I only experienced the occasional chill and suffered a blocked nose. It makes me wonder if I did somehow contract the virus that held the entire world in its deathly grip.

I’m terrified what will happen if mom dies…

Okay. No negative thoughts. We’ll keep looking after her as best we can. If the worst should happen, the hospital is a few hundred miles away.

God, if there is one, I pray that you don’t take my mom away from me.

19 February

A strange man came into town today. He was dressed to the nines. Atop his head, he wore a fedora as if he had stepped out of a movie from the 1940s. I met him at the local bar, feeling a bit ‘morose.’ That’s the term he used. As for how I would describe my feelings? I was fucking depressed. D-E-P-R-E-S-S-E-D.

And why wouldn’t I be? Nothing was going right. This morning, Mom looked like she was getting worse by the day and dad had started drinking. The national lockdown was still in place. Food and other essentials were getting scarce. We lived in the mountains and maybe the trucks had forgotten to deliver.

My old high friends were using what daylight there was in the day to get high. The one sister still with us was planning to move. With what kind of money, I wasn’t sure.

I said all this and more to the man when he bought me my third drink of the afternoon. Can’t say why I did, but he had an aura or something about him that let me run my mouth until I was all out of words.

Then he leaned towards me, his voice like warm butter. “What would you say if I promised to make your mom better?”

“That you’re out of your mind,” I remembered replying. “But, if you could do it, I’d ask how much.”

“It won’t cost you any money,” said the man.

I think he was trying to be all mysterious and enigmatic. Or perhaps he was alluding to something else. There was something off about him. In my tipsy state, I couldn’t have cared less. If he could help mom, I would have paid any price. It was only later when I tottered through the front door that I discovered his business card in my back pocket.

What kind of name is Michael Xemassth anyways?

21 February

Shit, I had one of those dreams again. I thought that after I stopped taking those drugs from Sally Mae, I was getting better. But this was freaky as fuck and I have to jot it down. Otherwise I think my head might explode!

It started off like all the others. I was walking down the dimly lit main street. Fog curled around me and I could barely see any of the shops. Then suddenly, standing in front of me was the smartly dressed man. But whereas before his features were amorphous, this time he looked like exactly like Michael Xemassth.

He smiled as I approached and asked me how my mom was doing. I told her that she seemed like she had got past the worst of it and was sleeping better. I even had a peek at her this morning right after I woke up, just to make sure I had told him the truth. Considering that she looked like she was on death’s bed two days ago, mom seems much better now. Surprisingly so.

Anyways, Xemassth, in the dream, said that was good.

For a while, we walked down main street together. The silence between us growing. Until we stopped outside a familiar house.

“Why are we here?” I asked him.

“Watch,” Xemassth cryptically replied.

Together we headed up the stairs and phased through the door. Within moments we stood beside Sally Mae as she lay before us asleep.

“This girl was my gateway to this world. And we always reward our most loyal followers.”

Before my eyes, Xemassth transformed from a man to a series of floating lights. He was so bright that I could barely see as his ethereal form reached down to touch Sally Mae. She groaned. And then began to writhe. In pleasure or pain, I wasn’t sure. Watching her, though, I felt a stab of envy. She was receiving a gift, a blessing, from one of the oldest beings in the known universe. Whereas I had been left bereft.

Then, Sally Mae turned into her own collection of lights. They were a pale imitation compared to the glory and beauty of Xemassth, but I couldn’t help wanting to be uplifted as she had.

Why I thought and knew all of that, I wasn’t sure. It was a dream, after all.

Satisfied with Sally Mae’s transformation, Xemassth turned towards me. He reached out a finger and gently grazed my face. Almost immediately, I felt myself shrink down to a pinprick and a surge of euphoria shot through my body. I could finally see my place in the world and revel in how insignificant I was.

It felt better than any drug and I drowned in the feeling.

“The price has been paid,” Xemassth crooned as my vision faded.

I woke up in bed with a gasp, disorientated but sated. Pleasure still hummed through my veins. Even without pulling down my pants, I knew I had made a sticky mess down below. It would have to be cleaned. But in that brief moment, it didn’t matter. Nothing did.

It was only after I had luxuriated in bed for a good hour or two that my senses finally came back to me. I jumped out of bed and swiftly changed the sheets, lest my parents found out. After checking in on mom, I thought it best to put my thoughts in order. Now, here I am, recounting the events of my dream as best as I can remember it.

What is happening to me? Am I finally going crazy with this virus lockdown? I just wish I knew what to do…

2 April

For a good two weeks, I tried to avoid Xemassth. After the dream I had, it seemed imperative that I keep my distance. But my efforts were in vain. It was like he knew my every step before I had taken it. Or maybe there was something that tethered us together. Like a moth drawn to a flame.

Everywhere I went, Xemassth was there. Always, he would invite me to sit and talk. At first, I was reluctant. I always had an excuse at hand. My mom still needed me to purchase supplies. Dad needed me to pick him up from a meeting from AA. All of them were lies.

Mom was getting stronger with each day. And because of that, Dad didn’t feel the urge to drink as much. Besides, despite the easing in lockdown restrictions, we didn’t have the facilities for a proper AA meeting. The closest one was in the next town over and that was a three-hour drive away.

But Xemassth kept at it. He wore down my barriers until he finally had me cornered and we finally got to talking.

We talked about the mundane. He often asked how my family was doing, if business was finally picking up. I remained as honest as I could, even as I tried to mask most of my frustrations. He seemed to sense that hesitation and pushed me on certain topics until the entirety of the truth came tumbling out.

Then he would ruminate over what I had said before saying something poignant that cut to the very heart of my anger and fears.

I grew to like the talks we shared. Within days, instead of him finding me, I actively sought him out to continue our discussions. It was the first time I had someone that I could speak my mind with and would not judge me for my sins. Often, we would talk philosophy and the current state of the world.

Truthfully, I can’t say when our relationship changed.

Xemassth always had such a unique perspective to everything. And he was very convincing. It didn’t matter that he was almost as old as my own Dad. When it was just the two of us, everything was special. The heights he brought me to were nothing at all like my previous relationships. Hell, one touch from him and it’s like I’m riding on Cloud Nine. It’s like a drug, but one that never loses its lustre.

Laying together, he asked me to become his disciple. The ceremony is to be tomorrow. I can’t say why he would gift me such an important thing but I’d gladly accept.

There is nothing I would not do just to be in the otherworldly presence of Xemassth. He is my everything.

30 August

I look over my past entries with amusement and pity. In most of them, I clung onto such human and mortal things that I would barely bat an eyelid at now. How materialistic I used to be when I had not seen the light of Xemassth. This will be my last entry. That, I can say, definitively, for I have no need of such things when I have my faith.

Under Xemassth’s guidance, I have let go about all the things that tied me to this horrendous world. What is family, but a bunch of parasites? What is money, except a chain to keep us all tied to a life that is unfulfilling?

Over the last few months, I have learned that none of these things are important. And most of the other townsfolk have also come to understand that the government is nothing but a mouthpiece for a false prophet. Only by following Xemassth will the world be saved. Only by aiding him in bringing his brethren to the world will Earth be cleansed in holy fire.

The virus, Xemassth told me, was only the beginning.

This is our time to rise and to affect change. To bring about a new world order.

I cannot wait.

The Power of Four

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Dismayed that the Last of Us Part II had been delayed indefinitely due to logistical issues with the current pandemic and, at the time, not realising that Final Fantasy VII Remake would be released in brick and mortar stores a good nine days earlier than anticipated, I started up the next entry in the Yakuza series: Yakuza 4. Unlike the previous titles, the game gave players to option to play as four characters. These were Shun Akiyama, Taiga Saejima, Masayoshi Tanimura and Kiryu Kazuma. To my delight, each character played differently from each other and brought a little something extra to the convoluted plot of rubber bullets and police corruption.

The game starts with a cold open on Akiyama, a moneylender known to provide loans to individuals without the need of interest or collateral. Instead, clients are required to pass a test. These range from the simple to the difficult depending on the amount required. Bullied by his secretarary, Hana, Akiyama goes out to collect his day. Within moments, he is drawn into a conflict with two opposing yakuza factions. Having thoroughly beaten up two low rung foot officers belonging to the Ueno Sweia for messing up a night club owned by Kanemura Enterprises, he returns to his office. Only to find the man that he was betting on to bring change to Kamurocho, Arai, shoots one of the Ueno Seiwa members.

From there, the game escalated by bringing in both old and new faces. Backstories for Majima and his sworn brother Saejima became the basis of Part 2. A just police officer looking to discover the truth about the death of his adopted father is drawn into the mix by Part 3. And then the game tries to tie in the events of the first game with the missing ten billion. Thus, bringing Kiryu to the fore in Part 4.

For what it was worth, the narrative of the game was a whirlwind from start to finish. But, because it was trying to be loud and bombastic, there were so many concerns. Like when Arai shot Munakata. You may say it was rubber bullets, plot, but if I had tried to kill my superior officer for his corrupt ways I would have checked to see if he was dead. And where did the bullet hit anyways? The chest? Why wouldn’t Arai have checked to see if there was any blood? WHY NOT THEN SHOOT MUNAKATA IN THE HEAD? If he had, he might have realised instantly that something was wrong.

Not to mention the fact that none of the main characters have much awareness of dropped guns. Why did no-one pick up the gun on the ground before Munakata could commit suicide? All of them had seen the man fire at Akiyama!

The one realistic part of the game was Haruka’s distrust for Hamazaki. If I had seen someone stab my father figure, I would also be highly suspicious of him if they washed up in front of the orphanage I lived at.

I would also like to add that I thought Tanimura’s Chinese was terrible. Are you supposed to make me believe that he is fluent with that accent? Am I also supposed to believe that his Korean, tagalog and potentially Thai are also incredibly well-versed?

Zhao, on the other hand, sounded very authentic and I didn’t have to look at the subtitles to know what he was saying (though my eyes constantly strayed because I’ve been so conditioned). 

As for the combat, I really liked Akiyama’s fast kicks. Saejima’s style took a while to adjust to because he was a slow combos and charge. While Tanimura’s parry heavy combat seemed interesting on paper, his final battle with Munakata was incredibly frustrating. Mostly because there were way too many enemies. These were interesting because it gave me a little something different to play with. After burning through so many of the titles in such quick succession, I have to admit that I was growing a little tired of controlling Kiryu when it came to obliterating the gang members and delinquents that roamed the streets of Kamurocho.

I also liked how each character had about 15-16 substories scattered throughout their story arcs. This made the game much more manageable, whereas in previous games I’d be stuck on the early parts as I tried to complete everything in sight – particularly Hostess clubs. Returning from Yakuza 3 were Revelations, even more hilarious than they were before. Three in Akiyama’s story were incredibly funny: the panty thief, the woman detective (and her red underwear) and the kung-fu couple.

Substories, too, felt more involved and interesting. While I was sad to see that Akimoto and Mizuki had finally resolved their storylines, I laughed out loud when I saw a family literally taking a money bath or naming a baby. 

Yakuza 4 is a flawed game, but that did not deter me from enjoying what was there. The characters also felt distinctly unique in their fighting styles and most felt great to control. I also liked learning more about Majima and seeing some fresh faces among the cast, though I was a little saddened at how little Doctor Emote or the hosts at Stardust played. Even Haruka felt a little shafted, though I hear in Yakuza 5, she’ll be training hard to be an idol.

In any case, I’m nearing the end of my Yakuza journey and already I fear the end of this wondrous and wild ride that I’ve gone through for a number of years. Of course, there’s still Yakuza: Like a Dragon coming out sometime in the not-so-distant future, so I’ll be eagerly looking to sink my teeth into the next few entries so that I can bring the saga to a close. Or, maybe, to a new beginning.

Shine, Surf and an Ever-Present Home Loan

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Initially, I had no desire to pick up the game. Yet, when release date rolled around and with so many comments on Facebook, I finally caved in and bought the latest Animal Crossing on Nintendo Switch. To my great surprise, it proved an interesting diversion and a great way to visit my friends in spite of the pseudo-lockdown in Australia. Of course, when I say ‘visit,’ I mean through the aether waves that is the internet. I even managed to enjoy a birthday party, though there were constant drop-outs and hosted my friends on my excellently formulated island (after I had purchased a Nintendo Online subscription). But as with all sandbox games with a very surface level plot, after a week or two of playing I found my attention wavering. Let me be clear that is of no fault from the game. Rather, I’ve always been one that prefers a narrative or an endpoint to the gaming experience. As such, it came as no surprise when I started to juggle two games at once.

Animal Crossing New Horizons starts with your character getting an offer for a deserted island getaway from Nook Enterprises. Once you land, you are able to name the island and begin the life of picking fruit, catching insects and fishing up sharks. Though this was my first game in the series, I was already familiar with the likes of Tom Nook and Isabelle. How could I not, considering how immersed I am with gaming?

After being slapped with relocation fees, it was off to try and cut down my debt as fast as I could. Why this was not earlier discussed prior to the purchasing of the deserted island package will remain a mystery to me, but I was going to make the best out of a bad situation. Within an hour or two, I had accrued enough miles to regain a sense of freedom…

Until of course, I took out my first loan for a house. Then it was back into the grind of collecting and selling as many items as I could reasonably fit in my pockets.

Slowly but surely, Animal Crossing New Horizons took on the aspects of a chore to be done each day. Rather than use time-travel, I allowed each day to pass as it did in real-time. It was a slower-pace than I would have liked, but it worked. Every evening, after work, I’d log in and complete my daily tasks. Within a few days of hard work, my island was free of weeds and I had started to plant in groves of pear trees. Even better, Blathers already had his museum up and running.

After a week or so of progress, I had the Able Sisters and four more residents to my island oasis. Yet, by then, I was already champing at the bit for a more meatier story-related game. Still, because my friends were playing the game, I felt compelled to continue. In fact, just the day before writing this post, my turnips could be sold to Tommy and Timmy Nook for 476 bells (a strange made-up currency so that Tom Nook can help enslave you). As you can imagine, dear reader, my friends flocked to my island, hoping to make an utter killing on the Stalk Market. 

As Animal Crossing New Horizons is very much a sandbox game, what you do each day is decided utterly by you, the character. This can be a daunting responsibility, though it is somewhat helped by the Nook Miles+ system on your Nook Phone, which grants you Nook Miles (another form of currency) by completing certain objectives. Think daily quests from games such as Hearthstone or a massively multiplayer online game (MMO) like World of Warcraft. In this way, it gave me a sense of purpose even as I lusted for other titles. Such as Final Fantasy VII Remake, which broke street date in Australia and was released on April Fool’s Day at brick and mortar stores.

Still, Animal Crossing New Horizons is an easy game to get into, particularly for people who aren’t as familiar with games in general. There’s no senseless murdering (though the memes would disagree) and it’s about cultivating an amicable island life. It’s also about taking things one day at a time and doing things at your own pace. For that reason alone, I suppose, it’s an interesting game to try out and explore. In addition, it’s the perfect way to play with your friends when have to be at least 1.5 metres apart. Or basically, sequestered in your own homes because there should be no gatherings of more than two (unless family). 

Animal Crossing New Horizons proved to be a fun game, though I often found myself running out of things to do within an hour or two. But I also thought many of the island residents were cute and had fun poking around my island. Unless that creepy Easter rabbit guy that looked as if he stepped out of a Five Nights at Freddy’s game. Am I the only one that was getting serial killer psychopath vibes? 

MmucasFlem’s Twilight Zone

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I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect with Thimbleweed Park. After playing through a few point-and-click adventure games such as The Curse of Monkey Island and King’s Quest (the new one from Sierra Entertainment), I thought it would be good to keep going deeper down the rabbit hole. On Steam, I’ve purchased Grim Fandango and I’m eyeing Day of the Tentacle. But it was this game from Kickstarter that caught my eye, and which I tried my whet my appetite between the lean times of video game releases. What surprised me most about the game was how much reverence it had for the old classics from LucasArts. Nor had I expected so many references or the similarities between the game mechanics. Of course, if I had bothered to do more research on the game, perhaps I would have known.

In any case, I thought it was a good way to try and wrap my head around the illogical logic of such titles. Yet, as with all such games, I managed to get stuck. Even on casual mode. With the trusty internet on my side, however, I was able to push my way through the rest of the narrative and see it to completion. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s go back to the beginning:

Thimbleweed Park starts with a murder. An unknown European follows instructions from a note left in his hotel room to venture out beneath a bridge. He is attacked and the next we see him, he is flying face down in a stream – evidently dead. Enter two Federal Agents: Ray and Reyes. Both of them have a reason for coming to the town, which is alluded to in their journals, but their immediate priority is to solve the murder.

It does not take long before they are introduced to several colourful characters that might have been behind the deed (who, in turn, become playable). Before I knew it, the murder was wrapped up in a tidy bow – at least in the eyes of Thimbleweed Park’s law enforcement – and the real story begins.

Joined by Delores, Ransome the Clown and Franklin, it became a quest to uncover the secrets of the late Chuck Edmund. As I explored the abandoned factory of PillowTron, I uncovered a conspiracy that shook my very understanding of the world: namely that these characters had become self-aware and knew that they were in an adventure game. I mean, why else would there be 3000 names in the local phone book when there was only a population of 80? Who was Delores’s mother? It was a fun twist and played right into the meta even until the very end of the game. 

The controls, at least on the Switch, left a lot to be desired. That might be due to the fact of how slow the cursor took to move from the command menu to the interactive objects in a particular scene. Changing between characters was also a bit of an ordeal, particularly if there was a particular character I needed to use. If I had played on the intended mode, it might have proved a challenge to manoeuvre my characters into the correct spots before I undertook the puzzle. And I still might have got it wrong and had to start all over again.

Despite my gripes with the game, I found it a fun diversion that lasted me a few days before the release of Animal Crossing: New Horizons. And, at the very least, it was another game that I could clear from my backlog of games that I have accrued over the years. Even with the announcement that The Last of Us Part II will be delayed indefinitely due to COVID-19, I still have plenty of things to get through. Fingers crossed that Ghost of Tsushima and Cyberpunk 2077 will be released as scheduled. And, if not, well, this quasi-lockdown might be the perfect time to catch-up. 

Going and Going

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It is not often that I feel an incredibly strong connection to the protagonists that I often control. While there are many I like, and often find amusing, there hasn’t been one that speaks to the writer in me. Enter Alan Wake. With the dearth of video game releases in early 2020 and the threat of COVID-19 in the air, I thought that now would be the perfect time to clear out a little of my Steam pile of shame. Lo and behold, a Remedy title that had not been available to me initially due to console exclusivity.

Though my favourite genre as a reader is fantasy, I have branched out to other genres such as thriller and crime. Was it any wonder then that I was immediately invested into the narrative of the game? The story begins with Alan Wake and his wife, Alice Wake, arriving in Bright Falls, Washington for a holiday. However, once they arrive at their cabin located in Cauldron Lake, it is revealed that their trip was a ploy by Alice to help Alan resume writing after he had finished his last bestseller: The Sudden Stop and was crippled by writer’s block. When he walks out into the middle of the night, consumed by anger, his life is upended by a Dark Presence that kidnaps his wife. Diving in after her, Alan wakes up in his car, teetering on the edge of a cliff. 

Thus begins the mystery of piecing together the events that led up to the car crash and finding out what had truly happened to Alice.

As with most thriller plots, there are plenty of red herrings and twists. Alan, though an esteemed writer, is not as proficient a detective as his character: Alex Casey. Consequently, he is strung along by numerous powers at play: from Doctor Hartman to Barbara Jagger. Until, of course, it is revealed that Alan wrote all of the events in his manuscript of Departure. One that he had been forced to write while holed up in the Bird Leg Cabin (another excellent shout out to the legend of Baba Yaga), directed by the mysterious Dark Presence in the lake.

By game’s end, Alan manages to save his wife with the help of the Clicker, after surviving numerous close calls on his quest. However, like every great hero, he must pay a price. The cost for saving Alice is to take her place in the Dark Place.

After the game ends, though, there are still many unknowns. Like the quote from Stephen King at the beginning of the game, the Dark Presence and the Dark Place are never properly explained. What it means to be a Taken or how Bright Falls is expected to continue when so many of their people have gone missing/ are killed is also left up in the air. 

Gameplay wise, Alan Wake is very much a third person shooter. The only difference is that the writer also wields a torch that enables him to weaken the Taken to make them susceptible to bullets. The entire shine and then shoot mechanic took some time to adjust to as most games have trained me to fire my gun first and ask questions later. The heavy reliance on batteries also put to mind that the entire game was an extended advertisement for Energiser batteries. In fact, if the batteries acted like they did in the game, I might have actually bought a ton. Auto-recharges given enough time? Clutching torches tight to increase the power of the beam? 

Alan Wake is also quite tactical. Since our titular protagonist is not an every man that looks for treasure or a military man, it is understandable that his stamina is not always the best. Still, I found it quite frustrating that Alan could barely dodge the axe blow from one of the Taken even though I knew I had pressed shift. It also bothered me that occasionally my button presses to use a flare did not always work and I would be overwhelmed by the Taken.

I also felt that some of the levels were much too long. Yet, perhaps in a way, the length of the levels were perfect as they helped build up tension and make me sink better in Alan’s state of mind: wondering when all of it will all end and if he might ever find Alice.

All of these observations can be carried over to Alan Wake: American Nightmare, which I also thoroughly enjoyed. It also helped that there was more variety for weapons: from a submachine gun to an assault rifle.

As for the narrative in American Nightmare, it was a lot more simpler and focused between the battle between Alan and his evil doppelganger, Mr Scratch.  And while I have never liked time loops in video games, the way it was used in American Nightmare proved refreshing. I’m looking at you Bravely Default and Final Fantasy Type-0! 

The dichotomy of light and darkness was also a strong theme that ran through both games and helped exemplify the battle between good and evil. This is especially prevalent in Alan Wake: American Nightmare. Despite the fact that it is very much a trope, I enjoyed how it was employed in both Alan Wake and American Nightmare. Particularly when it was accompanied by the excellent narration for Night Springs. Hearing Alan referred constantly as the Champion of Light had me grinning at the cheesiness of it all.

Overall, Alan Wake and Alan Wake: American Nightmare proved to be an intriguing diversion. I very much liked the story that was told and the questions that remained even after the credits rolled. It also felt like it had more meat to the narrative than Remedy’s more recent game Control (though this is probably due to the fact that Control was very much about the background lore of altered world events and objects of power). As such, I felt much more invested and was incredibly eager to devour each manuscript page I found. The flashbacks were also excellent and helped paint a clearer picture of Alan’s motivations.

My name is Kyndaris. I’m a writer.  

Indoors and Happy

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Now that we’ve basically been confined to our houses through the mandate of social distancing or, perhaps by an honest to goodness, lockdown, I’ve been taking advantage of the additional time to be as dedicated an introvert as I can be. Some people may be going stir crazy with nothing to do, but I’ve always rejoiced in the fact of staying at home. My mother, in fact, was constantly worried that I was missing out due to my hermit ways. The jokes on her now as we’re all but trapped. Netflix, writing, reading and gaming are a number of things that I while away my days. Whereas she is tormented by her desire to be out and about, taking pictures of food and showing everyone how she’s nearing sixty but still thriving.

This post, however, won’t be about my introvert ways. Rather, I thought that since I was playing Alan Wake – I could share the news that I’ve finished my next novel length story as well as another story that’s targeted towards a younger audience. Though the manuscripts are complete, I’ve begun the laborious process of editing my stories. It’s a gruelling task but COVID-19 has provided the perfect opportunity to up my writing game so that I can present a sleek and polished piece of work. One to be gobbled up the people that might still frequent FictionPress. Yes, I know, Wattpad! but call me a boomer or old-fashioned, I’ll still pick FictionPress.

Of course, in saying that, much of my fanfiction reading has turned towards Archive of Our Own. For some reason, as of the time of writing, I’m still reading terrible Hermione Granger x Tom Riddle stories and now I’m diving deep into the Danganronpa fandom. Even now I’m confused why I find such pieces tantalising. Perhaps it’s the very nature of the Despair vs Hope aspect of it. In any case, I’m trawling through trash. Please, someone, toss me a life preserver before I drown in the sea of NSFW (not safe for work) scribblings.

Anyways, back to the editing process.

I’ve never been much of a fan of rereading my work. Like most people, I am my own worst critic. As I was writing my first entry in the Lacet and Idana series, titled Wild Child, I could not help feeling, at numerous points in the story, that I ought to scrap the entire idea and bury it. I couldn’t exactly pinpoint the exact reason why it was utter garbage, but sometimes the work I did felt meaningless. Yes, I have my dear friend Hayate cheering me on from the sidelines and eager to read whatever I feed her, but I’ve had very little validation from strangers. And, by principle, I refuse to have people like my story and leave a comment.

It would, of course, stroke my ego to know that someone out there appreciated my efforts. In fact, each time someone has decided to follow and favourite my completed Divided We Fall, I’ve felt elated. Though why someone would follow a completed story is a bit of a mystery.

Still, after I had finished my work and let it sit – by then completing the writing for Monsters Beneath our Beds – the writing hasn’t felt as bad as I thought. The prose could still use some work and one of these days, I do hope to emulate some of my favourite authors, but it’s passable. The points have been made. There’s a structure. In fact, most of my editing has been clearing up tautologies or ensuring that I remain true to continuity. 

Yet somehow the chapters keep lengthening the more I edit. I had hoped to cut a little here or there and trim the fat. Instead, what I’ve found, is that I’ve added words. Sometimes it’s to make a sentence flow better. Other times it’s been to add a little flavour to a scene. Whatever the reason, Wild Child is slowly growing in word count. I’m not sure if it’s a bad thing but I had hoped it would be shorter than Divided We Fall as it is supposed to be part of a multi-novel series. I’m not sure how many stories there will be, but I already know how I want it to culminate. 

In any case, I’ll keep on doing my very best to become a better writer so that I can weave worlds in which the very few readers I have can enjoy. There are a million ideas in my head and I hope that in the future, everyone can take a dive into my very overactive imagination. Did someone mention a thriller piece? Or perhaps a post-apocalyptic urban fantasy?

Even now, when I’m in the midst of the editing process, my mind is firing away and I’ve started a new short story. One that begins simply enough before I’ll have it devolve into weird eldritch horror. Because, as Gears in the Walls proved – as well as during my School Certificate – when I’m put on the spot, my talent seems to thrive when it comes to writing about the unknowable.

So here’s to using a global pandemic and carving my own place in the world! 

Alpha and Omega

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Though Darksiders Genesis was released in early December 2019 on PC storefronts, I was more of a mind to play the title on consoles. As such, it was not until Valentine’s Day 2020 that I purchased the game at my local JB Hi-Fi and installed it on my PlayStation 4. It would be a few weeks afterwards that I would be able to play it due to my obligation to travel to Taiwan with my mother and also due to the fact that I was wrapping up Yakuza 3. Since then, of course, the COVID-19 outbreak has spread across the entire world. My hopes in a previous post have been dashed and at time of writing, I fear that it will be a painful few months. Who even knows if I’ll even be able to venture out to purchase the Final Fantasy 7 Remake in a brick and mortar store. Or even the Last of Us Part 2.

Apologies for digressing but seeing South Korea, Iran and Italy swiftly go into quarantine lock-down procedures, as well as seeing the numbers in my own country rising, the whole COVID-19 situation has weighed a lot on my mind. 

Back to Darksiders Genesis!

Having played through all previous three titles in the series, I was eager to see and play as Strife – the last of the Horsemen. Though this was not a sequel, I was eager to see where this spin-off/ prequel would go in terms of lore and laying out of backstory for the characters. Despite the difference of opinions in many of the early reviews, I was still eager to try my hand at it.

Just like the other games, the artwork reminded me strongly of a comic-book style, particularly in the cutscenes. Though these were predominantly still images, I still enjoyed the bold lines and powerful colours that were employed. This could be seen in the level design and the different locales. The palette swaps helped nail the atmosphere and give the overall clustered levels a theme.

 As with the other games, the Horsemen are tasked with a seemingly impossible task by the Council to ensure the balance. In Darksiders Genesis, this meant War and Strife were assigned to uncovering Lucifer’s plot and stopping him. The story itself was also serviceable and also helped fill-in gaps from the previous titles. Though Strife was a new character, I also liked getting to know War a little more beyond the stoicism he displayed in the first Darksiders. It also helped shape my understanding of who Strife was and his potential role in the next mainline title. 

Alas for our two heroes, they figure out Lucifer’s plan much too late and humanity is infected with hatred and lust and all the bad emotions, a la Pandora’s Box. This then sets in place the creation of the seven seals that would be broken in the first game and the start of the apocalypse. 

The combat also differs quite a bit from the Darksiders titles. Instead of a third-person action game where the camera sits over the shoulder of the character, it uses an isometric view. Additionally, the developers also hoped to make it an enjoyable co-op adventure reminiscent of Diablo or Twin-Stick Shooters (if controlling Strife. I preferred War for the damage he dealt out, as I felt the enemies did not die quick enough before Strife was overwhelmed by numbers until a certain upgrade was obtained). As I have no siblings and none of my friends had picked up the title, I played it solo. Despite that, I very much enjoyed my time and did not find my efforts hampered in the least due to my playstyle. In fact, I quite enjoyed jumping from character to character in order to solve problems as well as in combat.

Darksiders Genesis does not contain a traditional levelling up system, though there is a gauge on each mission for players to know how strong their characters need to be. This is usually calculated by the items discovered – such as health and wrath cores, pieces of armour as well as enemy cores that are slotted into an upgrade system. In order to obtain these enemy cores, the player can kill them or purchase them from Vulgrim. With my terrible RNG luck, it took a while for me to build up a stash or even level them up. Once maxed out, any additional cores provide souls – the currency of the Darksiders games. This allowed me to mix and match abilities and statistics to my advantage, though I often had to remind myself to slot them in place.

I also liked how the game allowed me to explore the map, with collectibles cleverly hidden away behind puzzles. It was also clear, however, that many of the levels were made with replayability in mind as not all collectibles could be obtained in a single playthrough in the early stages.

Overall, Darksiders Genesis proved an interesting diversion from the woes of our current plight. I’m intrigued by what the Darksiders series will take us next. There are so many different ways the overall narrative could play out and I can’t wait to properly jump into the boots of Strife as he tackles whatever impossible task that is set before him. It would also be nice to play as all four and witness as they wreak havoc to demon and angel alike.