Seeking Connection

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

It began like most stories: doing something utterly and completely stupid. In this particular instance, I suffered a sudden onset of early dementia and paid the wrong person for lunch. When we headed out from the restaurant, I realised my mistake. By then, the transfer had gone through. Desperate, I sent a quick message on Facebook Messenger and wondered if they would ever see it. For far too long, we had allowed the distance between us to stretch out, busy with our own lives. It wasn’t much. Only ten dollars. If they did not reply, it would not have been much of a loss, considering that I was still enjoying gainful employment – even if I didn’t find it a very fulfilling job.

To my surprise, they replied on the same day. We exchanged a few pleasantries before they asked my bank details. After confirming everything, they sent back my money. 

It was a simple transaction of give and take.

When all was said and done, we resumed our lives. Since the release of Death Stranding and with Christmas so close at hand, I couldn’t help but wonder about how brief human connection might be. As I walked to work, the ideas of a short story came to me: one that spoke of pining and waiting for the three ellipses to become a sentence. I mean, it makes a sort of sense, right?

These days, we’re all so focused on our phones that we hardly talk to the people around us. Everyone on public transport has their head buried on their messages, watching YouTube or listening to music. If there is talk, it’s only between individuals that are already friends. Strangers don’t truly interact unless there’s a baby involved, someone rudely brushes against them or if they’re being a racist twat and want everyone to hear their outdated opinions.

And it’s a little depressing that despite how often I reach out to people, they’ll respond a couple times before the conversation fizzles out. Yes, I can be quite occupied with my video games and Netflix shows, but I also want to maintain a certain relationship with the people around me. A sentence here or there, a query on how my day might have been. It is my hope that these little gestures build up and in time, dispel the loneliness that usually hangs over my days.

Perhaps it is merely the season and I’m being maudlin for no good reason. Yet a part of me just wants someone else to see me. To reach out and initiate a Facebook Message with me instead of the other way round. In fact, one of my desires is for my friends to hold a surprise birthday party for me. 

It’s a little silly, I know, and I’d probably hate it. But, a small part believes that if they do this for me, it would be like they care. I see so many people that have someone they can share this journey called life and I wonder why I can’t secure myself my own loyal companion. One that I can divulge all my fears and dreams. Who supports me and encourages me to break out from the bubble I live in.

I don’t much like feeling this: envious of other people’s good fortune. But there it is. I’m human. Just like everyone else on this planet.

In fact, these feelings sometimes make me ponder why I continue with this blog. If people aren’t reading this or sharing it or giving it more likes, what’s the whole point? 

Then, drowning in self-pity, I remember that this blog of mine isn’t really meant to be for anyone else. It’s supposed to be an online diary journal where I put down my personal thoughts and feelings. The Writing Corner is a space that I’ve carved out where I am not judged for my more despondent ruminations.

Still, I long for the day when someone will notice poor little Kyndaris, tired of shouldering the world’s woes, and offer to carry a part of the burden. After enduring a round of speed dating, my family’s expectations of procreating the next generation, and with Christmas so close at hand, I just want something or someone to be there for me. It might not be the person that I accidentally paid ten dollars to in lieu of someone else, true, but I hope that I’ll soon meet my special person.

The Ol’ Ball and Chain

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Astral Chain was a bit of a surprise pick-up for me. Though the game seemed fascinating and full of life after watching the trailers, I was a little reluctant to purchase it on the first day of release. The more I saw of it, the more I feared it would not be up my alley, particularly with its focus on combat. When I had finally convinced myself to try it out, however, I could not find Platinum Games’ latest title at any store close by. In fact, it was sheer luck that had me spying it in the pre-owned section a few weeks after it had come out. Thankfully, several more copies have shipped to the shelves of brick and mortar shelves since. But at the time, I feared that the pre-owned copy would be my only chance to nab a physical copy of this strange futuristic anime police drama.

The game starts with a bang and shortly afterwards you are prompted to select your gender. As a set of fraternal twins, whoever who don’t choose is designated as the younger Akira Howard. Since it had been a long time that I had last played a male character, i opted for the more rugged of the siblings and promptly named him Kiryu. After a few changes to hair and eye colour, I was underway to defeat chimeras and save the last remnants of humanity.

While the story was a roller coaster of a ride, I could not help but feel that it also followed some very stereotypical narrative beats. Of course, to strangers of anime, such revelations might prove mind-blowing or innovative. Not so to this grizzled veteran. The first instant I saw Yoseph Calvert, with his nonchalant attitude of being nearly impaled by a Legion, I suspected that there was something malicious about the commander of Neuron. As the game continued, Yoseph continued to prove my suspicions correct with his less than stellar decision-making and secret army of faceless individuals dressed in uniforms of red and black. You know that you are on the wrong side if your uniform is dark and red. It simply screams evil. There. I said it. But, alas, it was not until the eleventh hour that he revealed his true colours in a predictable twist before we, the characters could put a stop to this nefarious man. 

By the way, what were his qualifications to serve as a Commander of a police task force? Yoseph appeared to merely be a head scientist that had somehow manipulated his way into law enforcement. Sure, he had ties with the shadowy government of UNION and was paramount to the construction of the Ark, but what does he know about peacekeeping duties? He should, at best, serve as an advisor to a proper commander.

But let’s move on to the other characters, shall we?

Despite many of them falling into very familiar tropes, I still found myself enjoying getting to know each and every one of the people at Neuron. One, in particular, springs to mind: Marie Wentz. As well as her alter ego: Lappy. Then there was Olive and Brenda. And much like the localisation team member, I very much support them to be a couple. What utter nonsense for them to have been like: it was love at first sight, but totally platonic. Unfortunately, as of the writing of this blog post, I have yet to see any Olive x Brenda fanfiction. So, hurry up and start writing fanfiction writers! 

Then there was Jena, who was much too enigmatic. Why did she not, apparently, look any older than she had twenty years ago? How did she manage to survive int he Astral Plane for so long? Why couldn’t she have told the Howard twins the truth from the very start? Couldn’t she have showered between the times she sent those homunculi to terrorise the citizens of the Ark? I mean, seriously, if she had bothered to explain her plan or what she know about Yoseph’s plan, perhaps Akira could have been saved. 

Somehow or other, Astral Chain somehow made all these disparate threads link together. By the time the credits rolled, it felt as if I had watched an entire season or two of anime. Yes, File 2 followed the set path of losing most of the Legions so that early missions meant trying to reclaim them all. There was the introduction of the first Big Bad. The sacrifice of the fatherly figure. Cloning of the other twin. Followed up by a big moralistic question with a larger-than-life monstrosity that is meant to symbolise something or other.

Now that we’ve moved past the story, let’s look at the combat – the bread and butter of Platinum Games. While I was no stranger to action games, I have also steered clear of the combo heavy and fanciful displays of Devil May Cry and Bayonetta. The grading system has also been a feature that often pushes me away from enjoying such games as I know that more or often than not, I’d end up with a D or C. For someone that grew up in a competitive school environment with its focus on achieving the very best, it can be a significant blow to my ego. Which is why I kept it on casual. 

A small part of me, however, was hung up that I never knew how well I performed on many of the stages – particularly when I utterly destroyed the enemies before me with my flashy move-set and bombastic style. Alas.

More than the combat, Astral Chain’s gameplay also included minor platforming puzzles and deducing the facts of a case by collecting keywords from witnesses. This, in particular, was amusing for me as a lover of the Ace Attorney series. And while I would dearly love to fall in love with Frogware’s Sherlock Holmes series, the other gameplay elements can prove frustrating.

Then there was the music. I don’t often comment much on the soundtrack of games, but there was something about Astral Chain that had me bopping my head as I tackled my way through solving cases and arresting graffiti artists.  

I very much liked the time that I spent with Astral Chain. it was not quite what I was expecting from Platinum Games, and yet, perhaps that was for the best. At the very least, I’ll not soon forget trying to fight enemies with both my left and right analog stick, countering by tripping them up and sending my character soaring through the air after my Legion.

A Meeting of Minds

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

Speed dating, in the words of Forrest Gump, is like a box of chocolates. You never know exactly what you’re going to get. And that was certainly true when I turned up at the Fortune Village Chinese Restaurant, dressed a little more no the comfortable side of smart casual. While I was not the first to arrive, I was still fairly early. Indeed, none of the men that had signed up to the event had yet turned up. Pushing down my misgivings, I climbed up to the second floor and took a look around. I realised, with quite a bit of unease, that I was almost certainly the youngest of this cohort comprised of individuals aged between 27 – 45.

My theory was proven correct when the men finally started to trickle in. If I had to estimate their ages, I would say that they were in their mid-30s to possibly 45. At long lost, our numbers were complete and we began the social experiment in earnest.

Rather than hit the men with a barrage of prepared questions, I allowed many of them to direct the course of conversation – responding to their enquiries with as much gusto as I could muster, while also trying my best to learn more about them. There was one man that used to be a semi-professional salsa dancer in the past. Another was a fire safety engineer that travelled extensively to ensure that people complied to standards. 

Then there was the life coach. Almost immediately as our seven minutes began, he attempted to impress with his use of pseudo-psychoanalysis. After he had asked his three questions to glean what I wanted out of life, he made several rapid deductions that were essentially my answers simply reworded. I was less than impressed and quickly hoped that I could move onto the next person.

Of course, then I had to contend with a heavily opinionated Shanghai man. Almost ten years my senior, he was a man that could not stop talking. He had something to say about everything. While this was not a bad thing, I could see that if I chose him, our relationship would be short-lived and end in raised voices. Not something I was looking for.

I also met a nice Indian who was looking for companionship rather than a romantic partner. We had a nice chat that extended beyond the allotted time because of a brief mix-up. Though I could never see myself in a romantic relationship with the fellow, it was possible to become friends. As a long-term nerd that loves video games and has been trying to dip her toes into the world of board games and pop-culture, I could also see that the cultural gaps between our two worlds might have been difficult to find a lot of common ground.

One of the men in attendance, I was almost certain wasn’t heterosexual. His presence at this speed dating event was a bit of a mystery. We talked a bit, but it was clear his attention was fixated elsewhere.

There was also a nice Iranian that was going through the citizenship process. Grinning from ear to ear, he told me that he had just been invited to ceremony and was eagerly looking forward to becoming a hard-working Australian. He stood out to me because, despite appearances, he was the only one to deduce where I worked.

Throughout the night, I kept descriptions of my job vague. Most of the men simply accepted my answers, though it was clear that some were frustrated with my being less than forthcoming.

In any case, once the speed date part was over, the money we had paid also afforded us some dinner at the restaurant. Seated at two tables, we eagerly scoffed down the huge chunks of calamari as well as the sweet and sour pork. It was clear from just these two dishes, however, that Fortune Village catered more to Western tastes. 

By the end of the night, I had met quite a few different people and learned a little of their lives. I also like to think that I made a friend with one of the women. She, having moved to New Zealand while still young, was someone I was able to quickly connect with. I think it was because we were similar in our introverted ways. Though she was a civil engineer and I, a criminology major that was now working in an administrative role, we were able to joke around and enjoy each other’s company. I think it helped that she reminded me strongly of one of my friends from my old softball team in high school. There was a similar energy and by the night was done, we left together – parting finally at the train station.

I can’t say whether or not the speed dating was a success. Admittedly, I did meet quite a lot of people that I would have never actually bothered to sit down and have a conversation with, but the time that we spent together wasn’t enough for me to detect a spark of attraction. In this day and age, it can be difficult to make the right impression. Despite the push back against standardised norms, there’s still a certain image people hold and compare with.

That, perhaps more than anything, made it difficult for me to end up choosing any person. So many of the men were too old. Others, I could sense, simply weren’t as interested in me as I had hoped. Besides, none of them truly shared any of my hobbies that I was passionate about. Where were the readers or the video game enthusiasts? 

Still, I can chalk up the speed dating as an eye-opening experience that was less intimidating than the picture I had in my head. In saying that, it is very much something outside my comfort circle. 

Maybe one of my days, though, I’ll stumble upon the one and find someone that doesn’t care so much about gender norms and loves me for who I am, quirks and all. Here’s hoping, anyways. Otherwise, I might just buy a dog.

Shoot Me Baby, One More Time

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It has been a while since the last main entry of the Borderlands franchise. So, when Borderlands 3 was announced, there was an understandable sense of excitement in the air. Until, of course, it all turned sour when PC players discovered it would only be released on Epic Game Store. At least, for the first six months. Thus, it came as a surprise that when I visited the local EB Games after work, I found that all the PC versions of the game had been sold out. I mean, yes, I could have taken a detour all the way to Merrylands to secure myself a copy of the redeemable code that came from the PC release. To do so, however, would have meant unnecessarily going out of my way.

In the end, I had to settle with the idea of purchasing it from the actual digital storefront. Once downloaded, I began to play the game in earnest. And though I was tempted to play as FL4K, the robot Beastmaster, I opted instead for Zane Flynt. I know, I know. ProZD or SungWon Cho. Yet, as my default play style usually revolved around being a snipe and Zane offered the chance to be a sneaky operative, I took the easy route.

Which, unfortunately, is the problem with Borderlands 3. Despite trailers promising unique styles of gameplay and the exploration of various worlds, Borderlands 3 still felt very similar to the previous games. As I put in the hours, I found that I hardly ever experimented with the various types of weapons. For me, it was all about immediate damage. By the time the credits rolled, I had used the same combination of pistol, sub-machine gun (SMG), assault rifle and sniper rifle for several hours. WHile there was the occasional change between Maliwan and Dahl for the SMG, I was often drawn to the raw power that came from a Jakobs for sniping and using Torgue’s explosive rounds to blow away my foes.

That’s not to mention my lackadaisical choices when it came to grenades. Playing as Zane meant that I could equip two skills – which meant that enemies were usually taken out by my Digiclone and Drone Sentry. A fact that I used to my advantage as I primarily played alone without using the cooperative elements of the video game.

Let’s, however, get into the narrative. Just like in the trailers, Borderlands 3 very much takes aim at current internet culture and tries to satirise it with the twin villains: Troy and Tyreen Calypso. Is it me or were twins somewhat a thing in 2019? Far Cry New Dawn, anyone? 

In any case, for some strange reason, these two millennial YouTube stars have somehow managed to build up a cult between the ending of Borderlands 2 and the third entry with the hope of opening up the Great Vault. Enter the latest slew of Vault Hunters: Zane, FL4K, Amara and Moze. Within the first mission, these new Vault Hunters are coralled into the Crimson Raiders. The next several hours involved trying to keep one step ahead of the Calypso twins by finding the other Vaults scattered across the universe.

By leaving Pandora, Gearbox was able to provide several new colour palettes other than brown. This was particularly enjoyable when exploring Promethea and Athenas that took inspiration from a mega-city and a monastic temple, respectively. But when, I finished Eden-6, however, I was feeling a fatigue from the huge maps. It seemed that each main mission had to involve an hour long slog through a mass of enemies every twenty metres or so, with little variety in tactics involved. 

This was particularly evident in the final third of the game and it took some effort to remain invested. It did not help that the villains felt like caricatures. Even some of the Crimson Raiders felt like fan service cameos. What about Axton, Salvador, Gaige and Krieg? 

Still, I did very much enjoy the twist on Typhon DeLeon. As the famed First Vault Hunter, he was often perceived as an Indiana Jones type of character. The short, slightly obese man that we finally stumbled upon was the perfect counterpoint. The rest of the story was also serviceable – providing an exciting climax as well as an appropriate sense of motivation to stop whatever the Calypso twins have in mind.

There was also a sidequest that also poked fun at broken games as well as microtransactions. Both of them two major issues plaguing our current generation of games.

Once I had finished Borderlands 3, with plenty of loot to divvy up for a singular party of one, I felt more relieved than anything else. Perhaps it was the fact that I wanted something a little different. It just felt like more of the same, but also bigger and more bombastic. Despite the number of bandits and skags just around every corner, the worlds of Borderlands 3 still felt very empty. Inventory management was also a nightmare and I did not care much for many of the abilities on Zane’s skill trees. 

Gripes aside, Borderlands 3 was still an entertaining distraction. Yes, some moments felt quite contrived and the level design could have been a little more creative. But I would still recommend this loot-fest to those that enjoy pretty colours and have a good friend to accompany them on their journey to save the universe.

Marching Band

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I did not know what to expect when my mother bought tickets for the Royal Edinburgh Military Tattoo so many moons ago. She simply told me that tickets had been bought and I would be in attendance. In fact, I near forgot it was something on my calendar until my mother reminded me at the start of October. And so, on a warm spring day, I reluctantly settled into the car. Our destination: ANZ Stadium, located at Sydney Olympic Park.

Admittedly, it’s a rare situation where I’m seated in stadium seats. Most of the time, they’re for sport events. The last time that I can recall being inside a stadium was when there was a soccer (although I much prefer the term ‘football’) match in Sydney. Back then, I had brought my huge omnibus of Sherlock Holmes stories and spent most of the evening reading. Occasionally, I’d glance up when the excitement peaked as Australia looked close to scoring a goal. Otherwise, I kept myself busy with the nail-biting deduction adventures of Mr Sherlock Holmes and his erstwhile companion, Dr John Watson.

But back to the event at hand: The Royal Edinburgh Military Tattoo. Suffice it to say, I was pleasantly surprised by the skilful marching and the flamboyant  displays by the various military bands around the world. in fact, right in the middle of the stadium, they had even erected a facsimile of Edinburgh castle – adding to the atmosphere. Flying up top were flags for Australia, Torres Strait Islanders, Aboriginal, Scotland and the United Kingdom. With the addition of fireworks and lit sconces, I could not shake the feeling that it would have been better to witness at night. At the very least, I wouldn’t have been sweltering under the sun.

The event began with some pre-show chatter. Much of it was a quick summary and brief history of military tattoos. I can’t quite remember the name but a very important pitch drove onto the pitch. With a red carpet, it could not have been anyone less important. Plus, they met with many high-ranking officials and a representative of Australia’s First Nations.

With the formalities out of the way, it was time to properly begin. First up was Scotland. It was a rousing display with some excellent precision marching and enthusiastic highland dancing. The narrator of the event also provided some interesting anecdotes on the history of tartan and what it came to represent for the Scottish people.

Unfortunately for my mother, she had used the opportunity to buy my stepfather and I a couple of caps, as well as locate a rather large dollop of sunscreen to be shared among the whole family. By the time she came back, much of Scotland’s first outing was over.

Following afterwards was France. And sticking true to stereotypes, the music piece was Galop Inferno, which is often associated with the CanCan dance. There were many outrageous flashes. Better yet, the French also played a rendition of Uptown Funk by Bruno Mars – showing that not everyone in military bands listened to songs from centuries ago.

Next up was Indonesia. Rather than focusing on precision, their performance was very much high-octane energy and colourful demonstrations. There were many among their number dressed in animal costumes and many of the leaders felt like cheerleaders as they twirled around batons. Certainly, it was the most entertaining of what we had seen thus far.

A combined English and Irish parade came next, before the Swedish took to the stage. Though their numbers were small, they were able to show precise choreography with their flag staffs. There was also some nice sword fighting with the drummer sticks. More mock fights please. 

It was not long before Scotland returned. This time, the dancers had swords in hand and the prop was used to great effect. 

Afterwards, a conglomeration of countries came onto the field. Papua New Guinea, Fiji, Samoa and Tonga, to name a few, were there to represent the Pacific Islands. 

Once the intermission was over, Scotland reopened the military tattoo before New Zealand brought in some some more modern music – ranging from This is Me and The Circle of Life before descending into a hakka performance. Because New Zealand, I suppose. It did not help that they also had a more cultural performance by their Maori contingent. 

Then, surprise, surprise: there was a performance that was meant to encapsulate the frozen south of Antarctica – known as the Lochiel Marching Drill Team. I thought the music piece here was, by far, the best orchestral one we had heard thus far. Most of the other pieces had been proper military with a much stronger focus on drumbeats than on any actual melody with strings and brass.

Australia rounded up the military tattoo. And in this performance, several singers actually graced us all with renditions of Staying Alive, Down Under and The Greatest Show to name but a few. Fuelled by the energy, the entirety of the cast flooded back into the stadium for several other songs that they could not do without. I mean, who wouldn’t want to hear a live rendition of You’re the Voice by John Farnham – with actual bagpipes?! And of course, yours truly knew all the words because my Year 6 teacher had our class marching to it for a performance back in primary school. Ah, memories.

Once it was all over, we were all able to enjoy Auld Lang Syne – a song that I know but can barely pronounce, or know what it means.

Lest I forget, interspersed throughout the Royal Edinburgh Military Tattoo were also several performances from our Indigenous Australians. 

All in all, it was an enjoyable few hours and much more entertaining than I had initially thought it would be. My mother, unfortunately, seemed a little disappointed. I suppose she wanted it to be a bit more extravagant with cavalry and other such nonsense demanding our attention. True, some horses would have been added to the awe, but I think it was excellently put together with a mixture of classic pieces melding well with the current. 

Matchmaker Matchmaker, Make me a Match

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Sitting in an outdated office that was barely bigger than a closet, I could not help but think of the satirical song: Put Yourself First from Crazy Ex Girlfriend that was all about getting a make-over just to attract the attention of a potential boyfriend. It felt a little demeaning having my physical appearance judged by a stranger I did not know. Worse, though, was her trying to justify that plucking my eyebrows and giving more volume to my hair was ‘pampering.’ 

The word ‘pamper’ as it is defined in the dictionary means spoil or indulge. Unfortunately, the idea of plastering make-up on my face and having my features conform with the current perception of ‘beauty’ sounds far more torturous. I’ve never been one that kowtows to conventional traits of femininity. In fact, throughout primary school and even in later life, I’ve been a tomboy through and through. To this day, I still don’t understand what it means to use foundation or contour or what the pencils has stashed in her little bag are supposed to be for.

When I was a bridesmaid for my friend’s wedding, I conceded that it was a special event and that it would be prudent to ‘dress up’. But, let it be known that I squirmed endlessly as they tried to apply mascara and eyeliner. Thank goodness there was no need for fake eyelashes.

I know I’ve written about this before but both my mother and grandmother are desperate for me to find that special someone. Most of their fears, I’m sure, comes from the fact that I’m an introvert and constantly bound to the home rather than going out. Another part might be that they want someone to look after me. And last of all, I feel, is their desire for grandchildren or great grandchildren.

Yet, I don’t think this is the way to do it. When someone puts make-up on me, I feel like an imposter. There is nothing empowering about it. At least to my sensibilities. Yes, there are times when I wish I could be someone else or live in the skin of someone famous.

If I want someone to fall in love with me, I want it to be because of our shared interests, of them understanding what makes me tick – and that despite all my faults, they accept who I am. The very notion that I need to first attract someone with my appearance is very much anathema to who I am as a person. I don’t want to be a pretty little thing on someone’s arm. Even worse would be the fact that I only piqued their interest because I was pleasing to the eye instead of my other attributes.

Talk to me about video games. Talk to me about books. Talk to me about the affairs of the world or terrible puns. I also enjoy travelling and visiting museums. I like to think that I’m an acts of service person, followed by quality time and words of affirmation. I might not be very physical but I’m a great companion to have around and a good friend to those that know me. Yes, I can come off as a little sarcastic with a bit of a temper and it’ll take some time before I can lower the wall around my heart, but there might be something there. And I could reciprocate given enough time.

Even if I didn’t, we could still be great friends. It’s always been my view that best friends would make the best partners. 

In any case, it’s hard to say whether this matchmaker that my grandmother found will procure any results. A part of me wishes that it would all go down in flames. At the very least, I’ll be able to tick a box and say that I tried.

Still, who knows what the future might bring. By the time this blog post is actually published, perhaps I might have struck it lucky and have snatched myself a partner that will look after me until I’m old and wrinkly.

But if I were a betting girl, I’d put my money that once I hit thirty or so, I’ll be looking at IVF or other alternative methods to beget a child as a virgin spinster. 

It’s Dangerous To Go Alone

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Though the guests are just as good as those if it’s bigger brother, there is something about Oz Comic-Con that feels a little less inspiring. Perhaps it was the fact that it was a smaller event without as much flair. Whereas Supanova had a dedicated devoted to Artist Alley, Oz Comic-Con kept them all in the main exhibition hall.Granted, there were fewer stalls, but because of that, it felt inferior to the more engaging convention. A lot of other big-name companies such as Good Games were also absent from the show floor. Huge areas had also been reserved for other activities, which meant there was even less space for individuals to sell their merchandise. Taking a photo from on high at Sydney Showground, I could clearly see the gaps in the foot traffic when I would usually be struggling through a tide of people.

My attendance at this year’s Oz Comic-Con in Sydney was only secured by the promise of potential DnD sessions and the presence of Hayley Atwell. Ever since I first saw her in Captain America: The First Avenger, I had been enthralled by her performance as Peggy Carter. This time, though, I had no friend to accompany me to this celebration of nerd-dom. I was alone, and as the hours went by, I felt it keenly.

This was particularly evident when I wanted to try out a role playing version of the Call of Cthulhu. Without a companion, I had to wait idly by for someone else to join in the game. Unfortunately, everyone already had a group of two or more. In the end, I simply gave up. What was the point when even the event organisers barely bothered to make me feel welcome? I mean, I had written my name down for a potential session for noon. But when twelve rolled around, no-one actually bothered to flag me down as I wandered the tables for thirty minutes and read the material for the makeshift adventure.

In fact, I felt my time would have been better spent finding a hidden corner and started playing my Switch. Why had I thought that going out was a good idea, anyways when I had Borderlands 3 to play through? Yes, I was playing through it without using its multiplayer options, but it would have been much more entertaining.

Alas, after I had scoped out the food options at Oz Comic-Con (which had far more options than the measly offerings provided at Supanova), purchasing a banana waffle-pop, I decided that I may as well make my way to Stage 1 and see whether or not I might snag a spot on the Hayley Atwell panel at 2.15pm.

First up the bat was Aisha Tyler. While I had never watched the shows she had played a large role in, I knew her tangentially from her hosting the Ubisoft conferences at E3 several years back. She seemed quite vivacious during the panel, offering excellent responses to the questions that were posed by numerous audience members. But despite her emphasis that she often played video games while growing up, it was not a topic that was asked about. And as the panel was about to end, I had wanted to ask about her opinions about this year’s plethora of offerings as well as what she had thought about the star-studded breathtaking moments that wooed gamers all around the world.

Once that had ended, Hayley Atwell finally took the stage. For several moments, I was a little awestruck. Though she has played numerous roles, it was clear to see during the interview that she gave each and every answer much thought. What also proved entertaining to learn was her obsession with creating the perfect miniature French patisserie in the confines of her kitchen.

Although there were several questions that retreaded what I already knew from watching YouTube clips with late-night talk show hosts, I still laughed as she recounted the prank she pulled on Dominic Cooper.

And while many of us might have gasped when she made a surprise appearance in Avengers: Endgame, for her, it was merely an afternoon dancing with what felt like her cousin. The difference between how the audience saw success and her own perceptions of what it means to work as an actor was an intriguing peek into what it means to work in front of the camera. Of course, Hayley was quick to admit that it was truly theatre where her heart rested.

Buoyed a little by the panels, I made my way back to the car. It was a little later than I had anticipated, but I had paid good money to attend Oz Comic-Con. What would have been the point of staying only an hour before heading back home? Even if I had been slighted by the dice-rolling community? 

At the very least, without someone whispering in my ear to purchase everything in sight, I managed to make save quite a bit of money. Next year, though, I’ll make sure I can attend PAX Aus. 

Life After Death

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There is a fascinating concept tucked away in Oninaki that is marred a little by the less than stellar character development and a story that strong, but which soon begins to tread familiar story beats.And while I did derive some entertainment from the bite-sized Japanese role-playing game (JRPG), by the end I felt a little drained by the rote gameplay and rule of three dungeon level design.

Like many of its previous titles, Tokyo RPG Factory strives to evoke nostalgia. I am Setsuna was purported to be a homage to Chrono Trigger, particularly in terms of its combat and the combos that could be pulled between the characters. The narrative, as well, seemed inspired by Final Fantasy X, as it followed the story of a mercenary and his charge that would sacrifice her life to save the world. Lost Sphear also adopted many of the tropes popular in traditional JRPGS, ultimately ending with a climactic battle in a bid to stop the moon from being destroyed. 

Oninaki follows in their footsteps. Yet, instead of reaching for greatness, the game becomes trapped by those that came before. This was particularly evident in the main character and the stilted dialogue. When the credits rolled, I felt as if I only tangentially knew the characters and struggled to remember their names, except for a select few. It didn’t help that some were only referred to by their descriptions. Sharp-eyed man? Really? 

I also didn’t quite gel with Kagachi as much as I would have liked, though the game does explain why our main character is incredibly stoic and hardly expresses emotions. Still, I occasionally found it hard to sift through the reactions of other characters in response to certain story revelations. Rather than developing the characters into fully-fleshed individuals, they simply served as prop pieces to move the story forward.

Even the backstories for the daemons could not quite hold my interest, though many provided quite a lot of additional lore to the world of Oninaki.

This was further exacerbated by the lack of voice acting. Occasionally, the characters would mutter a word or two at the start of each text box. What was most jarring, though, was when the models would continue to speak, their mouths flapping away, but no actual audio dialogue could be heard.

Oninaki’s narrative centres around the concept of death and reincarnation. The people in the realm die and their souls are reborn. But this is not always the case. Often, those that have passed are shackled to the Beyond due to their regrets, which can be worsened if their loved ones grieve. This is hammered in just the opening scene where a young Kagachi is told that he should not be saddened by the loss of his parents. Otherwise they might become Fallen, who prey upon the living.

Yet, though there is the promise of reincarnation, many of the side characters are still concerned with the current life that they lead, rather than the next. Much like our current world, people are afraid of losing those that are closest and dearest to them. Their attachments, therefore, reminded me strongly of why death can be such a frightening concept. In fact, many of the living would also give up their own life to be with those that are lost. To give them solace even as they step towards the light beckoning them to rebirth.

This is, however, poorly explored except for a few short missions at the start of the game.

What I also struggled to understand was how Kagachi managed to supposedly reincarnate into the past in the second half of the game. None of that was truly explained properly, though we were taken to the old haunts of Kagachi’s past life as the Night Devil, or Soju.

And while this could have been further expanded upon, Oninaki was resolute to maintain its JRPG roots and provide another world-ending apocalyptic scenario, which involved the negative emotions of those humans being reborn feeding into some terrible creature that would inevitably rise up and destroy the world. Was Kagachi’s life all a lie? A simple dream into the future and the threat that lay beneath the secret of reincarnation?

One of the main differences with Oninaki to the other two games under Tokyo RPG Factor’s belt was the change in combat styles. Gone was the turn-based battle system. Instead, Oninaki embraced real-time action, accompanied with the ability to switch between daemons that are equipped with different weapons. These served as ‘classes’ – from the swift sword daemon to the slower methodical axe user. Throughout my playthrough, I found myself drawn to the ones that were fast and had area of effect attacks. Aisha, in particular, was a clear favourite and one that the player had access to at the very start.

As for the design of the dungeons, many of them followed the rule of three. From three fast-travel posts to three main levels that could be explored, particularly in the latter half of the game. Why there was some strange Shadow Realm in the Palace will forever remain a mystery. I mean, really, before we could access the door. But now, because the final battle is right there, you want me to spend an hour or two destroying mobs?

I also disliked the fact that so many of the bosses all had a difficulty spike in comparison to the foes you would normally face across each level. Their huge health pools followed by their attacks that could wipe out a good quarter of Kagachi’s own bar proved to be a frustrating experience. Also, why did healing incense cap out at just nine?

While there were many troubling elements in Oninaki, there were still glimmers of enjoyment, particularly after I had upgraded the daemons to a respectable rank and most of their abilities. Nothing could feel as good as Gale Slashing through a horde of enemies before using Sundering Flash as they clumped together. Outfitting weapons with particular shadestones proved to be a tactical exercise with such debuffs as stun and kill. 

Unfortunately, Oninaki does not quite reach the heights of the games that it tries to emulates. Though I desperately wanted the latest title from Tokyo RPG Factory to be great, it proved to be a middling game. 

Hi! What’s going on with your Life?

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

In just another year, it will have been a decade since I graduated high school. Ten years of change, of learning, and realising that despite all that schooling, I wasn’t as prepared for life after a spoon-fed education than I thought I was. Instead of becoming a successful CEO and enjoying the better things in life, it’s been ten years of floundering. For both my personal life and my rather lacklustre career. Ten years from high school and I’m trapped in a job that seems intent on removing every shred of joy I might have, of finding myself in terse conversations with family, and feeling detached from everything and everyone. 

There is a reason why so many of my short stories are written in the first person. Most of them are derived from my feelings and mindsets at particular moments in time. They prey upon the circumstances I find myself in and are reflections of my relationships with other people.

Of course, the narrative that spins out of them are just that. Stories to be told as they explore a theme and run with it. Truth be told, there’s something fascinating about taking an idea that pops into my head and pushing it just a bit to see where it might lead me. Currently, inspired by one of the prompts during my Year 10 School Certificate exam, I’m working on a project currently titled: “The Monsters Beneath Our Beds.” In fact, I’ve actually envisaged it as a 16-bit game, a throwback, perhaps to a time when everything was so much simpler and our imaginations much more vivid. Alas, as I have no actual artistic skill or programming ability, the only thing that I can do is spin it into a story aimed towards younger audiences. Although, I’ve found tweaking the language a bit of a challenge. Maybe once I’ve finished it, I’ll go through it and simplify some of the terminology that pops up.

But, I’m getting sidetracked from what this post really is about. Though there’s almost a year before the inevitable reunion, I’ve found myself catching up with old friends all throughout 2019. And honestly, I’m not sure how it all happened.

In our isolating world, filled with worries of keeping ourselves fed and searching for a fulfilling purpose in this grand old game called life, it’s easy to put aside the friendships of yesteryear and focus more on office politics. The immediate and the now demand so much of our attention that we look upon the years before with a certain wistful nostalgia. 

Perhaps it was this very reason that saw several of my old high school classmates reach out and request a meet-up of sorts. The first one, for me, was in May. It was only the four of us, but it had been a good long while since we had last managed to find some time to talk about everything that has happened in our separate lives. While most of it was the same, it was eye-opening to see that not everything was as perfect as the Facebook photos would suggest. One was transitioning to a new job and another was thinking of pursuing a different area of employment.

Yet, despite the divergent ways our career paths had led us, there was still a sense of solidarity and familiarity that was immediately apparent. And as we enjoyed our very much discounted pizzas and pasta – with a few cocktails thrown into the mix – it felt as if we were still seated around the wattle tree between C and D block, chatting away as we usually did during school lunch.

Of course, this time, we had more time and money at our disposal. There was  no rush to complete homework and our conversations drifted a little to different topics that we had pursued before when all we had known was a rigorous institutionalised existence.

My next reunion of sorts came not from old high school classmates but rather a reconnecting with a friend I had made years ago at a China camp. Though she and I had tangentially crossed paths at university (with me in my final year spotting her as a lost First Year), it had been a long while since we had even exchanged words over Messenger, despite how easy it would have been to do so. Of course, if I hadn’t reached out and wished her a ‘Happy Birthday’ perhaps none of it would have come to pass.

Lunch and board games was enough to seal the deal. Happily, we drifted apart again after catching up on all the different news that we had to share about the state of our lives. Which was mostly miserable, or just eking out a living. 

Why anyone thinks my writing a blog is all that impressive is beyond me. Honestly, it’s merely an outlet for my thoughts and to make short summaries about non-important events in my life. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever reread anything I posted. Or, if I did, I cringed as I identified a spelling error.

And of course, in the middle of September, my other friend, known online as Hayate, and I arranged a little get-together after our weekly badminton sessions with another of my old high school classmates. Driving out to Dural, we enjoyed a delicious meal and chatted about what we (Hayate and I) of our non-existent love lives. She, on the other hand, provided a slideshow of the people she had dated. From Sri-Lankan to Vietnamese to one of mixed European heritage that, presumably, shipped out to Australia in the distant past.

Though the ones I’ve detailed above were all planned, I also had some run-ins that were mostly incidental. If ever there was a sign that the world had grown a little smaller, 2019 was the year.

Here’s hoping that rather than being planets orbiting each other, they’ll be more collisions from this time forth. Of course, I’ll be in the corner eagerly awaiting the invitation. Just make sure that the time that’s chosen doesn’t clash with my other priorities such as binge-watching Netflix, playing video games or enjoying a good book. Also, writing up blog posts. 

A Heady Feeling

On By kyndarisLeave a comment

I was unsure what to make of Control when it was first announced. Though the premise intrigued me, the first few trailers hardly hyped up the title. Still, when it released, I was one of the first in line to purchase the game. I mean, who wouldn’t want to have telekinetic powers? It was also a game from Remedy. That, in and of itself, gave the game a kind of pedigree. This was the team behind the likes of Max Payne, Alan Wake and Quantum Break. And, for the first time in a long while, their title would not only come out on Xbox but PlayStation as well. 

Of course…should Naughty Dog release a new IP, I would be just as eager to pick it up, if not more so, having been a fan of both the Uncharted series and The Last of Us. Particularly because I adore how much the studio devotes to telling blockbuster narratives, with a strong focus on single-player, and who pull on the heartstrings.

But back to the title that released on the 27th of August.

The story of Control centres on Jesse Faden, a woman looking for her brother after he was abducted after a tragic incident in their hometown of Ordinary. After searching for approximately a decade and a half, Jesse stumbles upon the Federal Bureau of Control in the heart of New York in a building called The Oldest House. Minutes after she enters the 1950s style building, she finds the Service Weapon in the Director’s Office and, after picking it up, becomes the new Director. Her first day on the job, though, is complicated by the presence of the Hiss. A menacing force that is represented by a red eerie light and a consistent chant that follows you as you journey deeper into The Oldest House.

As I played through Control, I was reminded strongly of Prey (a title from Arkane Studios that is known for the Dishonored series). While the settings could be considered quite different: one being in a space station and this latest title exploring the paranatural Oldest House, the unsettling feeling of both locales, the mystery behind the enemies and the scattered documents and media collectibles helped cement my initial impression. Another contributing factor, I think, might have also been the architecture of the buildings. Perhaps it was because Control focuses on the brutalist movement, one that came about in the 1950s and the core of the Talos space station was also supposedly built in the same time period. In any case, there is a certain vibe that permeates both games and it doesn’t help that there were so many sectors to explore, all of them leading back to the other through elevators.

This is further compounded by the fact that much of the Bureau is empty of life. Only a select few humans remain, protected by a strange device that is strapped to their chest: the HRA. As MacGuffins go, it isn’t completely terrible and as one progresses through the story, there is an explanation for how it prevented the Hiss from taking over other employees of the Bureau (whether or not there’s any basis in science for how it works, I can’t rightly say either way).

Control also features intuitive gameplay. While there seemed to be a few performance issues in my playthrough on my PlayStation 4, I still found it great to run and gun or launching fire extinguishers at the Hiss. In fact, unlike other third person shooters, Control encourages the player to keep moving. Whereas other titles would have their main characters pressed up against cover with their health recovering after a few seconds, Remedy took a page out of id Software and the Doom series. Health is dropped by enemies, not regenerated automatically. This, in turn, meant a much more aggressive style of play in order to survive. And while cover still exists, Jesse does not stick to it. Depending on the angle, one can crouch behind partitions or stand behind pillars. However, staying still also meant enemies would zero in on your position, flanking or flushing you out with a few choice grenades or rockets.

With regards to the boss battles, though, I’ll admit to cheesing a few of them. Particularly against the optional ones against Mr Tommasi and Essej. In fact, I found them quite challenging and had to develop certain strategies to defeat them. It’s quite shameful to admit, but I died numerous times trying to find the best way to bring them down.

What proved a little disappointing when I first started the game, though, was discovering that there was no option to change the difficulty setting of the game. While I did struggle on occasion, it meant that Control may not be as accessible to other gamers.

Though there are a few stand-out moments with the characters of Control, such as the films featuring Dr Casper Darling and Emily Pope, I could not help but feel that many other characters could have been better fleshed out. It would have also aided the game if we could help understand more of Jesse’s motivation in finding her brother beyond stumbling upon a few documents or reports that detailed the events of the incident in Ordinary. Yes, there were recorded sessions Jesse shared with a psychiatrist, but there was a sense of disconnect between it all.

Marshall, the head of operations, also disappeared halfway through the game. Despite the fact that several characters comment on it, none of it was properly followed up. Although, perhaps it might be done so in a future DLC.

Still, while I would have preferred to fall in love with the characters, overall, it felt the stakes were not as high as I would have hoped (particularly after playing through Fire Emblem).

I would have also preferred a photo mode. Unfortunately, at time of playing, it had yet to be implemented. 

Gripes aside, I managed to wend my way through the story and even managed to achieve a Platinum trophy (a fact that provided me a bit of an ego boost) due to my unflappable curiosity and need to dig down further into the mystery. For those looking for something beyond the norm, and watching everyday objects from the previous decades become important power pieces that Jesse can bind to, look no further than Control. Whether that be an oversized floppy disc that was purported to contain the launch codes for nuclear missiles, a Home Safe or a Merry-Go-Round Horse. That absurdity made trawling through the Federal Bureau of Control, at least for me, such a joy from beginning to end.